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Today’s guest is Aaron Guyett.
We go deep today talking about:
- Taking ownership, taking action, and being okay with sucking while you learn
- The compounding power of sticking with hard things
- Insecurity and Identity
- Establishing your Belief, Purpose, Values to become the true leader of your family
Disciple in Christ, Devoted Husband, Loving Father, and Leadership Advisor
Aaron Guyett seeks to serve, teach, and develop leaders of leaders at all levels, and for all teams and organizations. His servant-leadership style combined with his life experiences, gives him a vantage point that allows for deep insights and transformative actions that are unparalleled in the military, fitness, and corporate environments. He is a Staff Sergeant in the Marine Corps Reserves. He earned a Bachelor of Science in Business Management and a Master of Arts in Organizational Leadership. He holds countless certifications for the fitness industry. He founded and is Executive director of a non-profit called Leaders of Leaders, where he speaks, writes, teaches, and serves to bring about leadership in Christ through Rites of Passage events, Courses, technology, and more.
Unknown Speaker 0:00
If you are the foundation of your family, you are the firm footing. They build their lives on. You carry a glorious burden and you never dream of laying it down. You carry it with joy and gratitude. You show up even when you don't feel like it. You lead, serve, love and protect. You are a father. This is the dead word podcast where men are forged into elite husbands and fathers by learning what it takes to become harder to kill, easier to love and equipped to lead. Get ready to start building the only legacy that truly matters. Your family
Curt Storring 0:59
Welcome to the How to Work podcast. I am Curt Storring, your host and today we are joined by Aaron guy yet very impressive dude. We dive in today talking about taking ownership, taking action and being okay with sucking while you learn the compounding power of sticking with hard things, insecurity and identity and establishing your belief purpose and values to become the true leader of your family. There's a ton here guys, Aaron is an excellent leader. And I think that you will get a lot out of this. If you are looking to become a leader in your family as the Father as a husband that your family needs you to be. Aaron is a disciple of Christ. He's devoted husband, he's a loving father. He's a leadership advisor. And he seeks to serve, teach and develop leaders of leaders at all levels. And for all teams and organizations. His servant leadership style combined with his life experiences gives him a vantage point that allows for deep insights and transformative actions that are unparalleled in the military, fitness and corporate environments. He's a staff sergeant in the Marine Corps Reserves. He earned a Bachelor of Science in Business Management and a Master of Arts in organizational leadership. He holds countless certifications for the fitness industry he founded and as the executive director of a nonprofit called leaders of leaders, where he speaks, writes, teaches and serves to bring about leadership in Christ for rites of passage events, courses, technology, and more. You can find Aaron, online leaders of leaders.org, Aaron Guy yet.com, and discipled in christ.org. All of that you can find on the show notes Dad.Work slash podcast if you want to follow up and get a link, join him there. He's also going to be active on YouTube. He said otherwise, socials are not his thing right now, which honestly, excellent, excellent decision. Anyway, guys, this is an insane episode. I've actually already booked another episode with Aaron because this was so good. And we're gonna dive into so many other things because he's just like, he's an expert at so much. And it's kind of insane. So we will get into podcast right now if you have not yet left a review, would you please do that on Apple takes about 30 seconds on Spotify takes like two seconds, you just have to add the rating button. But that actually really helps us. So if you want to be part of this solution in making the world a better place because the men and the fathers in it will be listening to this podcast and doing the work, please leave a review. We very much appreciate it. And if you have not yet watched our free training the four step family foundation formula, you can go to Dad.Work slash training and that is going to be a free video training for you to watch that basically is everything I've done everything my clients do to become the elite men husbands or fathers their family needs become harder to kill, easier to love and equipped to lead. Go to Dad.Work slash training and join us there anyway. Let's get into this episode with Aaron guy yet. Here we go. Alright guys, welcome to another episode of the data world Podcast. I'm excited to have Aaron Guyette on today, dude, you have been in my ear for like months, because I've been talking to Scott RAM. And he's like, Oh, you gotta get Aaron on. And so here we are. And dude, you're like a very impressive man. Like I was looking through your website going like, Oh, he's good at that. He's good at that. And he's good at that. What are we going to talk about? Like literally, everything. So first of all, let me pump you up. I'm very excited to have you here. Thanks for being here at Sweet stash. By the way, it looks great. How are you doing, dude?
Aaron Guyett 3:49
Yeah, I'm doing great. And I don't know, those are some big shoes to fill. Scott does a great job of that. Right. He's a great, great connector. So of course, he's going to talk me up. So we'll see if I can at least do him a little bit of justice by filling up a bit of issues that he has created for me.
Curt Storring 4:07
Yeah, no, no pressure, I should have said that you were very unimpressive. So you can only go up from here, but I think you'll have no problem.
Aaron Guyett 4:13
This show probably sucks.
Curt Storring 4:17
Yeah, dude, I want to actually start there. With like, why are you so successful in these things? Like there's a lot so I will have read your bio people will have just heard it now. But you excel in many things that seemed to be very difficult. That seemed to take a lot that people usually go like, I'm just going to be a fitness guy or I'm just going to be in the military. I'm just going to be you know, a corporate leader or whatever it is. Have you always just been sort of excelling at a lot of stuff and what is that that you think makes a difference? Because it's not usual and I don't mean that in a negative sense at all.
Aaron Guyett 4:51
Yeah, I was. I was just recently on a on a podcast talking to kind of about like hinge moments like in your life. I'm with Eric Sardina super rad brother of mine. He'd be a good one as well to talk to. But yeah, so he, and what the funny part was I actually what I talked to him about was more my conversion into Christianity, and really like, my conversion into atheism and nihilism, which led to my conversion into Christianity, but went through a whole bunch of spiritual spectrums or whatever. And actually, that's not what I'm going to talk about. Here. There was a moment in high school, where I realized that I was the limiting factor for all of the things that one could achieve, right. And I think, you know, a bunch of the self development gurus and stuff will say stuff like this. And so it is sort of cliche, but it's also true, it's like, if, if you want to do something, well, the best way to do it is to do it. And you're going to suck at it at first, and get over yourself, get over that and pursue, and what you will find is, you will be, you know, stuck in the mire of the challenge of the thing that you're in. But in that mire, there is beauty there, there, there comes a point where there's a beauty harmony, rhythm patterns, and we are human, humans are pattern seekers. So you will figure out the pattern if you stick with it long enough. And then you will be able to turn that pattern into something utilitarian or useful. That all that all that to be said, you know, I actually am consistently Pooh poohing myself for a constant pursuit of achievement. And, one, I think that's partly how I was raised, but to there was like this turning point in high school where it's like, well, I could just do it, like, I don't have to worry about what he says or what she says, or the fact that I suck at it at first or, or that I'm not going to be as, as cool or I'm not going to fulfill this romantic ideal of what this thing should be. And then and But the cool part is, as you plod along, you look back and you're like, Wow, I'm I'm actually okay, at this, I can kind of get this thing figured out and do this thing. And I'm able to do that, just by the nature of doing it, like actually getting in getting your hands dirty, and doing it. So yeah, at that turning point. Like I, I was like, Well, I'm going to go out for football, then I'm going to go out for wrestling. And this is my senior year, right. And my junior year, I spent that whole year working at a restaurant making money and doing sort of my own thing my own way. And me thinking about it sands family, and obviously I had great, great mother, a great father. But I was rebellious teenager, imagine that that never happens. And trying to kind of create my own way and find my own mark. And honestly, like bumbling and stumbling and doing it horribly, like doing it wrong. Like if there's the wrong way to do it. I was doing all the wrong ways, right? Like drinking and partying and just being an idiot. And then I joined the Marine Corps. Because of this, right? It's like, oh, well, I've always wanted to be a Marine. Well, let's just do it. Right? joining the Marine Corps. And it was the same thing. Like every hard thing that was put in front of me, it's like, Well, why don't you just put down some consistent effort and see what happens. Worst case scenario, you fail, or you don't make this particular team or you don't accomplish or earn this right or, or, you know, have victory in this challenge or in this pursuit or whatever. But chances are, if you stay consistent in something, you actually find that you're able to do it like and achieve it and, and learn and I mean, and I don't think it's some gifting because any person that I've met that has great achievements or whatever, they all say the same stuff. It's like well, I just stuck with it longer than everybody else or whatever. And so yeah, that was that. I think that's it and then unfortunately I've been plagued with that's a double edged sword right? Because then you can be sucked into doing and achieving for just doing an achieving but every time you achieve something what what you usually realize is like, Oh, I thought I was gonna find contentment here. Contentment isn't here. What the heck, you know? So very interesting.
Curt Storring 9:51
Yeah, dude, that there's so many points in there that I'm just learning myself. i One of the things I want to say is like action is the antidote to average to apathy to literally anything. But it's so hard for guys to suck at stuff. Why is that? Because dude, I was, I have my own personal answer to this, but I want to see what you're seeing in guys. Because there's compound interest in stick to itiveness. The more you do it, the better you can do. But it requires you to be in the game in the arena in the mud. And like so many guys, myself included up until like, honestly, the last couple of years. It's like, well, I could just feel safe instead, I don't want to do a hard thing. So what why can't we just stick to stuff? That's hard? And like you said, not care when we fail?
Aaron Guyett 10:39
Yeah, well, I mean, number one, nobody, nobody wants to picture themselves as a failure, you know, we have, we have this romantic ideal of ourselves, and it needs to be broken, because we do not ever live up to this romantic ideal of ourselves, right. And we are constantly showing and sharing with ourselves that the man in the mirror is not the man that we are dreaming, or fantasizing is in our head. Right? And you know, and some people can say it's like ego, and it an alter ego, and, you know, all all of that Psycho Babble stuff. And, and there is truth to that. I'm not saying that it's wrong or anything like that. But really, at the at the end of the day, you know, if if what you're imagining is you, if the belief about you, is really the true you, then there isn't this incongruency there isn't this there isn't this fear, right of, oh, you know, I'm not this person. And the funny part is that fear and that insecurity creates this gap that gets bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. And then it becomes harder, even harder to do something that is going to show you that you are not the person that you are claiming to be in your mind, or pretending to be on social media or pretending to be in front of other people. You're actually inadequate or you're actually not that great, or you're actually but instead of admitting that, which would be pursuing something that is difficult, that will show that in its most concrete stark reality, we just pretend that it doesn't, you know that it doesn't exist. And then that gap gets even bigger and then it becomes even harder to step into, you know, the reality of the true you. And so our belief ism, and this is a similar problem in Christianity, a lot of Christians suppose that Christians have this belief ism about their Christianity, but it's not they're not actually walking out a Christian life, they're not actually discipling in Christ are not actually following Christ. They're not actually Christian. They're just saying that they are they know, the Christian needs to, you know, fool people into believing that they're there this, but belief is more than just words and just saying it right belief is, you know, in the in Christianese, it would be the fruit, right? Your fruit would show who you are, but in regular, you know, work a day laypersons English, it's like, is what you're saying that you are also what you are showing, right, by your actions by your thoughts, you know, all of this stuff, is all of that in alignment. And if it's not, like probably should check yourself.
Curt Storring 13:46
Yeah, there's, it's like, it's trust in relationship. Because if you're not in integrity, you're not gonna be trusted. But there's also like, the trust and relationship to yourself with that lack of integrity and love the visual of like, is the man in the mirror, the same guy that I have idealized in my head? And that's a great thing for anyone to go do or like, right now. Look yourself in the mirror and go like, Oh, man, how far away? Am I? But I feel like there's this shame, right? Like, oh, well, if I realized that I'm not this guy, then I'm not good. I am broken. I'm whatever. Is that? What's sort of at the core of this and how do we get over that because most guys just don't?
Aaron Guyett 14:23
Yeah, so shame and guilt. I believe shame and guilt is is the typical and unhealthy response to insecurity, I really, I really think it's a it's insecurity and maybe insecurity is brought about by the shame and guilt or the shame and guilt is brought about by the insecurity but insecurity is, is is exactly like I do not have security in who I am and what my identity is, which it is which includes my mistakes and my shortfalls and the things that I don't have and the things that I that I would like to have, but I haven't quite done or the things that I've boasted about but I really fall short of, you know, I think it is, it's a, it's a pride and insecurity. And then what what we feel about that is then shame, guilt and fear. You know, I think those are the follow on feelings that will feel, and the shame and guilt is I mean, we have been raised in a in a shame and guilt culture. And the interesting part is, like, if you look at like the Old Testament in antiquity, like shame and guilt was a very important part of their culture. But shame and guilt was felt corporately, so it was a little bit different, we feel shame and guilt individually. And then we are a we, we've created these truly technological walls, where we can actually put ourselves into a silo that actually isolates us further from the corporate pneus of our communities and of our societies and of our fellowship with other people where we can actually get to know who we are by the reciprocated response, or the refracting of us when we communicate in relationship with men and women and companies and teams and things like that. And so then we we create this silo, and the silo gets bigger and bigger and thicker and thicker and bigger and bigger. And so and the shame and guilt makes, you know, more layers than then the fear of feeling more shame and guilt and more insecurity creates more layers. And so then we put ourselves in these like silos and yeah, so I think in that silo is this swirling of shame, guilt, fear, and, and those are feelings that come from our inadequacy or insecurity, I'm insecure about my strength or about my aesthetics, but I'm not doing anything about it. And so my aesthetics are not are, you know, reducing all the more my strengths or reducing all the more because I'm not actually stepping into that because I'm afraid to step into it. Because if I step into it, and it's like, create this like gnarly, self fulfilling prophecy and negative feedback loop that just puts us deeper and deeper into these silos, but the, the sooner we can break down these silos, get super vulnerable, open up, connect with other people, the more we will also find the opposite of shame and guilt. And that is love, love in spite of our inadequacies, inadequacies and love in spite of our insecurities, and and that actually removes those inadequacies and gives us the ability to want to step again into the fray or into the challenge, so that we can get stronger or or improve our aesthetics or become better lovers or, you know, whatever the case might be,
Curt Storring 17:54
man, that silo analogy is so good, because it's so true, right? It's like the technological thing. You can just pretend to be whatever, you never have to relate to anybody. But all like I think, honestly, at their core, we're relational beings. And I think that's where everything has to be done. Okay, so you've sort of touched on it, they're doing hard things, breaking those walls down getting vulnerable, but what are some of the steps that a guy who's like, in his silo can actually take because I want to go tell people, like, just do all the hard things, like stop being such a weakling, go do the hard things, be in the arena get beaten up? But it's like, well, that's exactly what I'm not doing. So I'm not just going to start. I think pain probably has to do a lot with actually taking action when you finally realize, like, I have to be honest with myself, and I'm hurting too bad not to do anything. But what have you seen success in when it comes to like, just start here, bro? Like, just do the thing? Yeah. How do people get out of this?
Aaron Guyett 18:48
Yeah, so So to touch on on yours and and to sort of throw an affirmation your way, Maslow's hierarchy of needs. There's these needs. But then beyond that, once once you fulfill those needs, and most of us and most of the listeners have fulfilled those needs, like their the basic stuff of survival or whatever, right? Then it's thriving. And actually, in his later life, he, he started to actually study people in work environments, because he thought, just getting out there and doing stuff was the way to really have this full realization or ideal self, you know, being able to actually walk out your true, most robust version of you. It's getting out there and connecting and doing and failing and trying again, and all this stuff. And then we can sort of see ourselves for who we are and then start to work on ourselves. I will say I look at it a little a little bit different. I see. So yes, I think if You're not applying anything, then you're only the academic that is merely in theory, right? And so we were just in our heads, then we're just in our heads like, and we don't have, we don't, we're not brains in vats, right? That are connecting. I mean, unless we are and then this is all super weird, but But philosophically, right, where this is not the case, we're not brains in vats. We are humans in this crazy, weird universe, of physical reality. But there's psychological consciousness that we can't quite fully bridge and connect with the physiological. So there is this mind, right, that is separate of and also inextricably part of our physiology or our physicalness. And then I would add a piece to that, then there's this unexplainable parts that we will wrap our heads against, especially when we do philosophical work in like, trying to understand what is right, and why is it? Or who created it? Or how did this come come to be? And that would be a spiritual sense. But I would also, I would say that that spiritual sense is part and parcel with the mind, or with the way in which we process but we we don't, we don't just sit here in our minds, right. And so I talked about the most foundational and first best step as belief, and I kind of mentioned it before, but belief, belief is like, oh, is gravity right. So gravity is a great example of belief. We don't have to know the formulaic version of gravity, we don't have to even know of other planets and the moon and the solar system and the universe, right, which all uses this weird force that has gravity, to know that gravity exists. And furthermore, not only know that it exists, but work with it every single day, right? Like we, we wouldn't be able to walk to work, we wouldn't be able to have this conversation, we wouldn't be able to make inventions. If there was no gravity all of a sudden, or gravity came, and then it fluctuated away or whatever, no gravity is this constant that we are that we're constantly running into, from a mental standpoint, and in a physiological standpoint, that helps us do the thing that we do. So we have a belief in gravity, right? And so belief is, again, like I say, it's it's thoughts, words, and actions, all in alignment, right? It's not saying, Oh, I believe this thing, or ooh, I really liked this theory. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna gravitate to it. But it's like, no, what do you truly believe? And if I looked at your actions, and I and I listened to you talk for a week, and I was able to jump inside your thoughts, is what you're saying, You believe actually what you really believe? Are you following through with every essence of who you are? Right? And, and so I would say, try to articulate and encounter what it is that you believe. And if some of the beliefs that you have, or some of the narratives that you've been telling yourself that you believe, run up, and become failings or false, or somehow pocked with holes or bring issue? Well dive into those a little bit more and, and flesh out like, oh, maybe maybe there's something different. And so then that would be our worldview. And so what I think is, I'm saying jump into the fray, not just by doing stuff practically, like going to work and doing the hard things and the stuff that you're saying, Oh, 100% agree with that. And I'm, but I'm also saying, jump into the fray of what it like, why, why do you go to work? What are you getting out of work? What are the values that are behind you doing that work? Why is this important to you? Is, is the thing that's important to you money, okay, why is money so important? Is it making you feel good about, you know, x or y or, or do you do you want to look at, and then is that, is that really good? Is that what you really want? Or is there something else that's there? And I'm not here to tell you what the right answer is? I'm not here to I'm here to just pose the question like, have you really thought about what you believe? And is what you believe what you truly believe? Or is it what you're telling people that you believe, to feel good about yourself or to have them feel good about you? And if that's the case, wipe that out, figure out what the true narrative is that's going on in your brain? But the true belief is what's going on in your brain. And if that's off, think about adjusting it. Because the more you jump into that fray, the more you're gonna, you're gonna find probably this finite, maybe not so great version of you. But the moment you realize there's a problem, now you can actually do something about it, right? Whereas before, I think most of us just don't even think about any of these hard things. And so we wonder why we've got 40 year old men acting like boys that live in their parents basement, you know, objectifying women, and ruining a whole society, right, not being leaders or leaders that aren't actually leaders, right. They're their leaders in position only in name only. And yet, they don't have the backbone to take responsibility when things go wrong, and mistakes happen on their watch, right? And then we wonder why we're dealing with all of these problems, and all of these issues, from a local standpoint, a national standpoint, or even a world standpoint. And so why don't why don't you have the codebase to dive into that. So then you can say, hey, you know, I am at least secure in this. And also, I don't know this, this, this and this, and I'm okay with that. I, I want to find out more. But I'm not trying to pretend like oh, yeah, I know, I know, I know, everything you know. So yeah, that's a little bit of a twist and a nuance on the Maslow's sort of occupational way to find ourselves.
Curt Storring 26:40
Man, the thing that I've noticed this year, is that like, I know, generally, where my values were I quite clear I'm quite able to stand up for them. But my identity in that was less clear. Because I wasn't really interfacing with the world as much I was very insular, I worked online and didn't have any clients, because it was all algorithmic stuff. But I noticed this year, every time someone challenged something I posted, every time someone like made some, you know, judgment, that was not true. It would hit to my core, and I'd want to go, oh, no, I'm in trouble. They don't like me what it's going to happen to me. But it was this mixture of both being in the arena. And then thinking about that, that I think the two play on each other, you got to do this stuff to get the feedback. But you also have to be able to think about, what is it that I like? Who am I? What do I believe about the world, all those kinds of things. So it's like this two pronged approach. I also think about it like this, like if you're captaining a ship, right? If you're rowing a boat, you could row as hard as you can. But if you don't know where you're going, if you don't know why you're in the boat in the first place, you'll probably wind up in the middle of the ocean, no supplies, no land, and you'll die. Right? So you've got to be like, good at, they're fast. Oh, yeah. And you'll be by the time you're there. So that's where they're gonna do all of this identity, you know, driving the ship, you know, thinking about why you're going there, where you're going there. To me, this is all part of leadership eventually. And I really wanted to get your thoughts on leadership, because so many of the guys I work with some of the guys I talked to, are abdicating leadership within the home, in the workplace as a business owner as a father. So I'm curious to get at the you know, maybe like your 30,000 foot view on leadership, just we know what we're talking about here. And then I'd love to dive into how dads specifically can become better leaders.
Aaron Guyett 28:31
Yeah, I would say that if you are a husband, if you are a father, and you're also like a leader at a, at a job, or an organization, or church or college or teacher, we you know, whatever, whatever sort of leader, you are, whatever sort of sphere of influence that you're given outside of the home. Most of us, because we're men, and we compartmentalize really well, and we tend to be task oriented, right? These are tendencies so some men will hear that and be like that's not me. Well cool, you're gifted with you know, probably empathy and compassion and things like that. But unfortunately, I've been shorted and it's a lot of work for me to get those so whatever. But yeah, most of us right, this is the case. And, and so I would say that if if you're crushing it at your job, if you're crushing it out there, but your home sucks, then honestly you're not a leader you suck and I'm just gonna be frank about that because there's no easy way to put it it's far better to get the brutal truth than for me to massage you with some false dilemma or false narrative like oh no, well at least you're crushing it out there you know that's that's great.
Curt Storring 29:51
And if you don't do that now, if you don't call them out now this I get the science scram, pardon me for interrupting but it's so important that guys actually hear this because if you don't get called out now, when you can still do something about it, the result is the consequences, Oh, you don't have to deal with it now. But 20 years from now, when your wife is gone, or completely checked out, when your kids stopped calling you, then you'll be like, Oh, why didn't someone tell me about this. So, take this seriously, pardon me for interrupting, excellent point,
Aaron Guyett 30:14
no, or worse yet, when your kids go out, and suck at everything, and then suck from society that you so bountifully gave to it, when you're crushing it at your work, it's all going to be sucked away, and then some, by the next generation, because you lack the leadership and, and so I would say, So leadership is it should be in all areas and aspects of life, right. And it's when you have at least an articulate understanding, and you can justify your beliefs, right. And then what can come from that is if you have a solid worldview, a grounding, if you will, you can now build a foundation that the next thing is a purpose. So you then you have a purpose. And this purpose can be gifted to the your place of business or your work, this purpose can also be gifted to your wife, to your children, right, and this to me, so those values are that purpose, should be pervasive and seep through in every area and aspect of your life. Right? If it can only be used at work, it's like, well, this is my work hat, and my work purpose, and then you know, I get home, and then there's a different purpose, and there is going to be nuances. But the deep seated, I'm talking about the deep seated Viktor Frankl version of your why that why that keeps you surviving and driving through the concentration camp and then writing incredible thought provoking books afterwards, right? These deep deep seated why's these very probably deep philosophical questions, this type of purpose, because that can weather any storm, right? Which that means if it can weather any storm for you, it can weather any storm for your children, for your wife, and for the team that you're that you're working with, or in or leading, right at your at your place of business. And then from that purpose, right purpose drives, meaning it gives you meaning gives you reason to wake up in the morning. And I'll tell you, a lot of times if it's, you know, objects that you're after materialism consumerism that you're after, like, these is your or your purposes. To me, that's just as bad if not worse than nihilism, like, at least nihilism. I'm not kidding myself. Like, yeah, there's no meaning there's no purpose, who really cares. So I might as well, you know, get a bunch of money and have a bunch of sex and then kill a bunch of people or whatever, because nothing, nothing matters, right? I mean, that is right nihilism. But with materialism and consumerism, all those things, it's justifying, like, oh, no, I'm right in doing the same thing that the nihilist would do, but at the cost of what at the cost of relationships at the cost of treating humans like humans, right? Things like that. It's like humans become objects, right? They become tools in which you can control and manipulate and coerce and abuse anyway, so I'll get off that high horse, because I'm diving from 30,000 into the 10,000, and boots on the ground. And then the the sort of the latter part, right, this is, again, the 30,000 foot view is then values, like establishing values. And all of these things should be in alignment, right? The belief is that sort of the foundation and then what you're able to build out of that foundation. So the concrete that you pour, if you will, is the purpose, right, which holds the house in place within this foundation of your worldview. And then you build the house, which is your values, right? And so now you have a home in which you can guide your children, you can give them this perspective of belief, not tell them, You have to believe this, but give them this perspective of a belief and justify it and articulate it. And then give them this perspective of purpose. And then justify it and articulate and give them this perspective of values and justify it and articulate it. And then that is the way you will lead your home. And that is the way you will lead your wife, that is the way you will lead your kids. That is the way you will lead your work. Right. And it's it will be an intrinsic outpouring of who you are, as opposed to, oh, I really like that guy's thing. I'm going to add that into my little toolbox here. And oh, I really like what what this person says about this thing and I'm gonna, I'm gonna add that in or, you know, whatever I can do to make sure that I get paid. Whatever I can do to make sure that I survive, oh, whatever I can do, and it's like, man, one, nothing will ever be written about you. Right? Your legacy will will die as soon as you can. die, right? Because there's there's nothing of worth there. Nobody wants one. Nobody wants a copy cap, right. And to there, there's nothing that's deep and meaningful in what it is that you're pursuing. So take a moment, establish your beliefs, understand what your worldview is, then set your your purpose within that worldview, and then put your values out to guide you as beacons to make sure that you're going in the right direction. And when you step off, because it's not if it's when you step off and don't follow your values, you're able to look at your values and be like, Yo, I'm way out here. And I need to be back over there. Dang it. Okay. I'm sorry, guys. I screwed up. Please forgive me. I'm sorry, kids, I'm sorry, wife, please forgive me, come back. This is where we're at, again, we're going to reset and reengage in this place moving in this direction. And that, to me, that is leadership, right? Being able to admit when you're wrong. And most people it's like, oh, well do you don't want to admit when you're wrong? I can't tell you how many marine instructors told me as an instructor and I became a chief instructor. Right? In the in the Marine Corps, but told me in my early days, as an instructor will never admit that you're wrong. You're always right. You're always perfect. And I'm like, Man, this is what's wrong with society. Right? This is what's wrong with the Marine Corps. It's like, that's okay. If I admit that I'm wrong, then that humanizes me right, and then, and then opens the door for them to admit when they're wrong, instead of pretending when they screw up that nothing bad happened. And if they admit when they're wrong, then we can actually fix the problem. But if they cover it up and hide it, and don't admit when they're wrong, because I example that as their leader, and instructor, like, isn't that not what we want, right? Like, don't we want to fix problems before they become big problems before we go overseas into a area of operations and end up smoking some kid and then covering it up? Because, you know, like, we can fix these problems, probably in training before we get over there. Right? And do the thing that is that we do anyways. So yeah, that belief, purpose, values, right? establish those, articulate those justify those. And it's not going to happen overnight, and it's probably going to change, you're going to establish them, you're going to start walking them out. And then you're going to hit a wall and be like, where did that wall come from? I didn't see it. I got blindsided. And it's like, yeah, well, that's life. And that value probably doesn't lead in the direction that you were hoping or thinking that it was going to lead. So make an adjustment, you know, this, this can change, we are living out life in space and time. So tomorrow is totally a new day, you can forgive yourself or forgive others for what happened behind us and in the past, so then we can be free to move forward into what could be in the future.
Curt Storring 38:00
And there's so much in there, generally, and I'm thinking even specifically as a father, with the admittance of being wrong. And then I love the idea of having that huge vision, the huge purpose, such that you're not always looking back, because so many guys are just like, oh, well, this happened before, therefore, I can't. It's like, Well, dude, yeah, you can like if it's a roadblock, that's what I say to guys like, Okay, if we come up with a roadblock on your vision forward, we can turn around and look like what the heck was that? Did we just like run over? You know, whatever, do we hit a shopping cart and run over that? Like, let's clear that out of the way. But then you're like back looking forward? Are there things that come from this 30 30,000 foot leadership view that we can then apply as husbands as fathers? Maybe what what you see your role as how you do this how you feel that you are leading your family because man the rubber is gonna hit the road for I know a lot of guys that listen, this podcast, this is one of the biggest issues. My wife is leading, and I don't really want to rock the boat. So when we talk about for family leadership,
Aaron Guyett 39:08
well, I mean, so I've just I've just kind of come off of some, some biblical exegesis and biblical exegesis just means like, understanding what this scripture means in context in the history histor history, historical, socio economic, right version of this saying to these people, and then okay, then how can those principles then apply to my life? Right, that's exegesis and, and I would say, if your wife is leading, and you don't want to rock the boat, you are the problem. You You are you are as a man, you are gifted with the ability and I'm not saying that women can't lead. I'm not saying that women are not equal in value human value to men. Write that don't get don't get this twisted. I'm not saying that. But I'm saying, you as a man, right? Maybe you haven't incurred the rite of passage that you should have to tell you that you at some point went from boy to man, right? Or maybe you're still a boy, that's 30 and 40 or 25, or whatever the case is, and you haven't yet become a man. And now now that is your responsibility, that's your fault, right? That is you deciding that I'm not going to become a man. Right. But once you put on them, man trousers, once you put on them, man, suspenders, you do man stuff, and man stuff means you are the head of your household, you are the leader in your home, right. And that doesn't mean that your wife can't kick ass and take names, right? Snap necks and cash checks or, you know, whatever, whatever that thing they are. I'm not saying that they can't do those things. But I'm saying that you are a leader, right? You are a leader in that home. And if you are a leader, then you're not rocking the boat. You're taking the lead as the head of the household, which is what you are. That is it. And, and if there is some issue with that. So here's an interesting, I was just on a podcast, I was just interviewing somebody actually the other day, and it was a pastor and he said, I actually have more women coming to me, in private counsel, saying that their husband's lack of backbone and lack of leadership, and they wish they they wish they had more leadership in the home than I ever do. You know, oh, my husband won't let me lead my husband, right? won't know my husband is off in the garage, or out watching football with the boys or, you know, pursuing stuff outside of the home and then comes and is a flake and a soft ninny when he steps into into the house, right? And that is not what you're as a man, that is not what you're called to be. And so, take step up to the plate. Hey, you decided to get married, you decided to have kids? Right? Step up to the plate with right with that liberty to make those decisions comes the equal and balancing responsibility of what that freedom holds. Right? You decided this liberty, right? The Statue of Liberty? This is Victor Frankel, right? The Statue of Liberty on the East Coast should be balanced out by a statue of responsibility on the West Coast. And obviously great word picture. But it's absolutely true. You freely chose to become a man of a household, right to assume those responsibilities. And I would say you are created to then be the man be the head of the household and lead that household. And you know what, you're probably just like, the bring us all the way back to the beginning of this, this this talk, you're probably going to suck at it. At first, you're probably going to Bumble your way through it, your wife is probably going to do a better job because guess why? Because she's been doing it. Right? She's been taking the lead because you haven't, right? And so you're probably going to suck at it. And she should support you and encourage you and say that's awesome. But don't expect that she probably ain't. Because if if you've allowed her to lead, she's going to then take that leadership. Right? And not that you have to take it from her. But you can start then with small things. Establishing leadership being and this is I think, the most important thing, but being intentional about your leadership. Right. So leaders of leaders is a systematic approach to intentional leadership. And it's a systematic approach to intentional leadership. So that you are not leading to generate followers, but you're leading to generate leaders, right? So you can lead to generate a better leader in your wife, right, she can be a better mother to her children. She can be a better homemaker, she can be a better worker, she can be whatever the case might be right. You can see her for the blessing and the beauty that she is and then treat her accordingly and lead her accordingly so that she becomes even better, right, even more glorified in her leadership role that she's taken on. Same thing with your kids, your kids have, right we all have unfulfilled potential as humans. So you're stepping into your unfulfilled potential. You're fulfilling your potential as a man of the house as Head of Household and as a leader, so that then your kids see what that truly is. And then you can, what didn't happen to you, you can then tell them, hey, you're no longer a boy, you're now a man, hey, you're no longer a girl, you are now a woman. And I honor that. And I respect that. And in that, that, that bares with it spheres of influence and leadership capability and leadership ability that you can step into. And I want to encourage you in that I want to pour my self in, I want to sacrifice my life so that you can be better, right so that you can step into leadership. So yeah, I don't know, I set a bunch of stuff right there. I was just frothing at the mouth. I don't know if
Curt Storring 45:45
it was. It was exactly where I wanted to go. Yeah, I that's one of the little clips that like, I would want to just rewind a little bit and listen to. And maybe it's just because it's stroking my ego, because I'm like, yes, yes, yes, keep going. That's exactly what I think what you said a much better. It's being of sacrifice. I pulled something I can't remember. I think this is from your website. It's like leadership equals challenges plus sacrifice, in a sense. I think from your website, he said, My purpose is to accept the challenges. And to make the sacrifices to develop leaders of leaders in Christ, you want to talk about challenges and sacrifice, because this, particularly sacrifice, and we've already touched a little bit on challenges. I think it's a very underutilized word sacrifice, and yet, it's at the core of my new belief, your faith, like, that's the pinnacle of so much as leaders. Can you talk a little bit more about challenging sacrificing?
Aaron Guyett 46:39
Yeah, so if we just look at the, and I'm not saying mythical in that it's false, and it doesn't exist, I'm saying mythical in that it represents right this idea. But if we just look at the sort of the overarching storyline of the Bible, and and then specifically kind of hone in on this character, Jesus Christ, it's literally the most compelling and greatest love story that's ever told. And when you say, most compelling and greatest love story, your what you're actually saying is, it's the most compelling and greatest story ever told, right? Because it great stories tend to be love stories, right? And love in the sense, not in the I think what most of us think about when we think about love is lust, right? Because our society, and media has done a great job of making love about sexual connection and the romantic version of man and a woman getting together or now a man and a man and a woman and woman or whatever the case might be, right, but this, like this deep attraction, falling head over heels. But really, that's like the beginning, right? That's the honeymoon version of love, which isn't really deep love, like, as I've been with my wife longer now, I long for her more. And, yes, I long for her sexually, but even more, so I long for it, just her connection, her connection, mentally her connection, physically, her connection with our kids or connection with her home, the interconnectedness that she creates, by our by our marriage, by our union, with the community with right friends, I mean, it is this like, all pervasive love. And yet also it's, it's a choice, right? I'm choosing to put her first or I put God first and then put her second, but I'm choosing to put her before my kids I'm choosing to put her before my work, I'm choosing to put her before my parents, I'm choosing right and there's all these areas where I'm choosing to put her in front of all of these things. And, and that is what God did for us. And it's this incredible sacrifice that has layers and layers and layers and layers in there would five minutes, five hours, 500 hours, 500 years wouldn't be long enough to really describe all of the layers that are going on there. And I know that because every every time I dive in, it gets deeper and deeper. I think it's even deeper than trying to find the bottom of Instagram. I'm pretty sure it's even deeper than that. But so so there's this incredible example of of sacrifice, and then we're called to sacrifice for our wives as Christ did the church were called to sacrifice our lives as the greatest example of love, and we sacrifice our lives. As for our brothers, right for our friends, for our community, for our community of believers and beyond, right, for people that don't believe in what we believe, we're called to give up all of ourselves, and, and we, and then we also sacrifice our insecurities, we sacrifice our egos, we sacrifice our romantic ideal versions of ourselves, we sacrifice our small free times and things like this, but we do it for a purpose. And that purpose is to show and share this deep love and affection. For others. It's like, Hey, I'm going to, I will swallow my words that I want to just staccato, smashy with, you know, chainsaw you down with or whatever, I'm going to sacrifice those words. And instead, I'm going to pray for you, I'm going to wish you well, I'm going to forgive the thing that you said and did to me. And none of these things are easy. All of them are far easier, and even saying them as difficult, but far easier to talk about far easier to write about, than to actually act out. And so, and to me, that sacrifice is is the most challenging of challenges, right? To sacrifice ourselves, for others, for our wives, you know, swallow that pride, admit when you're wrong, lead when it's uncomfortable. And it's just probably easier to not confront and not challenge and, you know, and fight when you just want to give up and be like, well, you don't care about me, you don't love me. Cool, I'm out to like, Nope, you stand strong, and you fight for that relationship. And I mean, that is going to be a far greater blessing to your kids. Then, to do what every other normal human would do in that situation, which is just like a, I'm just going to reciprocate the thing that you did to me, right, and I'm gonna maybe add some stank on it and put some amplification behind it. So you really feel it, you really get the sting of of what you just did to me. And, you know, all of this is what we all experience because we all experience relationships to you know, some degree. But yeah, if we're not, if we're not thinking that we're going to confront a challenge, well, then you just get smoked by it right? You get ambushed by it. And so my thought is, well, why don't you practice like we did in the Marine Corps, near ambush and foreign ambush tactics. So you know that you're, you're probably going to get ambushed by some challenges. And you also know that, you know, you're going to go out and do that raid or you're going to attack, right? And you're going to confront challenges. So you're going to do both. And But why don't why don't we think about these things and practice these things, write about these things get articulate with with these things. Because if there's anything that I do understand about life, is that it will bring challenge, right? So you're either going through a challenge, right now, you've just gone through a challenge, or you're about to go into a challenge. And so I just embrace that in the beginning of my purpose. It's like, I'm going to accept these challenges, right? And accept the sacrifices or pursue these challenges and accept the sacrifices so that I can create leaders of leaders in Christ. And I'm in Christ, right? I'm a disciple of Christ. I'm not saying you have to believe in Christ, that's your own journey. I am not you, I can't make those decisions. I'm not going to manipulate you, I'm not going to coerce you. But I will tell you this is this has been my experience, and this is what I believe, and this is why I believe it. And I believe it's logical. And I believe I can, you know, philosophically back it. And I believe that there is historicity and historical proof to this, and I, you know, and so here I've got some assurance as to what I believe, but I'm not saying you have to believe that. But I know that if I'm pursuing things in Christ, well, Christ as far as I can tell, in reading history, read you read a secular version of history or you read a religious version of history, a Christian version of history. There is a moment in time where everything started to really adjust and change. Right and, and that hinge that hinge point, AD BC, right, that hinge point is Jesus Christ. And I don't think that that's some like weird nuances secular coincidence. And so I, you know, I just I confront that and I'm like, Well, if, if Christ is kind of this important person, and then you dig a little bit deeper, like, Oh, God, oh, but also man. Oh, and then He's like gets like super funky and weird. But what I do know is that his influence was greater than any other human, right that existed in history. And so Christ truly is the leader of leaders, right? Creating more leadership than any other leader. And so for me, it's like, Okay, I'm going to do this in Christ. And I know that every human has a sphere of influence. So every human is a leader, and has leadership potential. So what can I do? What sort of challenges do I need to come up against and pursue through? Or what sort of sacrifices do I need to make to allow other people to see that they have influence that they have the unfulfilled potential of leadership? And then can they therefore step into that, and the easiest, I think, and quickest way to do that is, through my belief system, in in Christ and in Christianity. But I mean, those principles and truths go throughout all cultures and all belief systems, right, there's little bits of that truth found in spackled everywhere.
Curt Storring 56:12
Well said, Thank you for that. I, first of all, want to be respectful of time, I think we got like three minutes left. I wanted to ask about this servant leader idea. And I want to make sure we drop in where guys can find you. But there's like this idea that guys resist sacrifice, in marriage in the family, because they don't want to be weak. It's like, Well, I'm not going to servant leaders, we go don't want to do that. Oh, and just serve. And I was thinking about it, where it's like, I lead by serving as much as I can. But I also serve by leading them any thoughts on the perceived weakness of the servant leader?
Aaron Guyett 56:49
Yeah, I mean, I think it's the same perceived weakness that that, you know, fellow instructor had when he was teaching me how to instruct and he's like, Oh, you don't, don't have any faults, like, be perfect. That's gonna make you a better instructor that's gonna make you a better leader, that's gonna make you a better teacher. Like, when is that true? Like, when do we look at politicians and go, oh, there's their skeletons in your closet, and you're denying it, you must be an incredible leader. Like it said, no one ever is like, You're the worst, like, get off the stage, like, nobody likes you. Like, why don't you know if you can admit, and it's the last thing that you want to do, because admitting it to others is also admitting it to yourself. And sometimes it's nicer to walk around in this false narrative, that we are this great person with no mistakes and all this stuff. But that's just, I mean, that's just believing the deception, right? And what a what a rad way to get Christian leaders or politicians or whatever off track, and, and, and lose some of their traction as leaders that are actually building other leaders or creating followers, right, both and, but but it removes their ability to be good examples, right? Like, the the voice boxes of our yester years are now going away. These media platforms are now starting to fade away. And why is that? Because they've lost trust? And how have they lost trust? Because they pretended that the things that they did that was not there wasn't true, or whatever didn't exist. And so people just turn off to it. Right? And so then now you're not leading anybody? So how are you? How are you going to be a leader? If you're, you know, and you should be authoritative, but not authoritarian. Right? Not a dictator. So if you know something to be true to the bottom of your, you say it, right, if this value is your value, you stand up for it. And so there, that's where you can be strong. And when you go against that value, or when you do something that is wrong, or when things go wrong, that are out of your control. But you're presiding as the leader, you quickly confess it, right. And this is a very biblical thing to you confess it, you say, Hey, I know that we're all looking at this thing. I'm going to just talk about the elephant in the room. This is what happened. We I made a mistake. I like even for your marriage. It is my fault that you've had to step in and do all of the leading and do all of this stuff. I take full responsibility for that. But then you don't just confess, then you repent and repent means to turn about from so if you're doing something that's wrong, or something wrong happened, confess it. Okay, this is a reality. Now we all know that it's a reality and we know that I'm not Living in some false dilemma or deception, or whatever, and I'm not trying to deceive you. Okay, let's turn. And what do we turn towards and well, in repentance, it's we turn to God. But we turn to righteousness, we turn to the right thing, we turn to doing it, right, we turn to what are the values that we set? Okay, let's get back on this track, right and do it this way, or do this thing or adjust this? And some of that responsibility stuff is like, Oh, well, then you have to step down. Okay. That sucks. I don't want to do that. But what do you do? Instead? You lie. You deceive everybody, so that you can retain your position? Oh, that's far worse. Because now you live with a false reality of deception that you get to look at every day in the mirror. And no, you cheated yourself. You cheated your company, you cheated your wife, you cheated your kids, you cheated. Whatever it was, you have to. And to me that's living hell, right? You're literally living in a hell that you've created. Because you've bought into the deception and tried to get everybody else to buy into this option. When instead what you could do, it's probably harder in the short run, right? It's easier to just pretend in the short run, but way harder in the long run. But it's harder in the short run. It's like, confess, Hey, yo, I screwed up. I did this. And then turn about change your way.
Curt Storring 1:01:35
Beautiful. Thank you, man. This has been? Well, I think we've covered like the first single topic I wanted to get to, which is amazing. I have to invite you on again, if you're not for man, but where can people find you? Because I think there's like 30 things that you're doing and excelling at like I started with. But where would you like to send guys if they want to learn more?
Aaron Guyett 1:01:54
Yeah, so leaders of leaders.org I have a bunch of socials, but I will be honest, I have been non existent on socials for a few months. And I'm really stoked on that. So don't try to find me there. So leaders of leaders.org is probably the quickest, easiest way. Aaron guyatt.com is okay way. And then discipled in christ.org is sort of turning into the thing is where a lot of my latest works and the leaders of leaders podcast, right. And that you'll you'll find some of my latest works on that. But yeah, I mean, you can check out the Facebook and Instagram and all that stuff. I think all all that content that's old now is still real. And then YouTube, I'm coming out with more stuff all the time. I am throwing things on that social, I guess, with leaders of leaders, but yeah, leaders of leaders.org disabled in christ.org. Those are the main two hot ones right now.
Curt Storring 1:02:57
Nice. Okay, well, you've got a lot of stuff on rites of passage, homeschool leadership, parenting, self discipline, fitness, all that kind of stuff, which I'd love to get into someday. So if you're interested, if you liked this podcast, make sure you check them out. And dude, thank you so much for giving me this time and the wisdom. And I look forward to doing it again.
Aaron Guyett 1:03:15
Kurt, this was awesome. I I just blacked out. I don't know what I said. But hopefully it was a value. Actually, yeah, man, you've just as funny your question is just like, lit the fire and just like kindled it and got it gotta burn. And so I started like shouting and I typically don't shout when I'm using this mic and headphones. So you got something boiling in me. I appreciate that. Man.
Curt Storring 1:03:39
That's a good one, sweetie, man. Okay, well, we'll, we'll chat soon. Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening to the dad work podcast. That's it for this episode. But if you would like to stay in touch between weekly episodes, why don't you go over to Instagram and follow me there because I draw up a number of things throughout the week that are related to what we talked about on this podcast, but usually go a little bit deeper, provide some tips you can find me on Instagram at dad work dot Kurt. That's da di W O RK dot c u r t. And please, if you have been getting something out of this podcast, if it has touched you if it has improved your marriage, your parenting or your life, would you please leave a quick review on Apple or Spotify. leave a rating. If you have a few extra seconds, leave a quick review. That's the best way that we can get this work in the hands of more fathers. And I truly believe that we change the world, one father at a time, because each father that parents better that loves better raises children who do the same. And in just a couple of generations. I feel like we could be living in a world much better than the one we live in today. Your review will help along that path. And I thank you so much for being here to listen until next week. We'll see you then.
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