How To Become The Neighbourhood Alpha Dad – Ben Barker

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Today’s guest is Ben Barker.

We go deep today talking about:

  • Why it’s important for dads to be strong for their wife and kids
  • The power of routine and resistance
  • How Ben made the leap in his career to become an entrepreneur
  • The importance of intensity and consistency in fitness training
  • Why regret is one of the most powerful motivators to do better
  • The most underrated, underutilized exercise in existence and how to use it in your fitness program
  • Actionable workout and nutrition tips

Ben Barker is a fitness coach out of Central Arkansas who helps men gain lean muscle and lose body fat. You may know him on Instagram as the Neighbourhood Alpha Dad where he inspires men to get strong and lead their family well.

Find Ben online at:
Podcast: Ben Barker Fitness

Unknown Speaker 0:00

If you are the foundation of your family, you are the firm footing. They build their lives on. You carry a glorious burden and you never dream of laying it down. You carry it with joy and gratitude. You show up, even when you don't feel like it. You lead, serve, love and protect. You are a father. This is the dead word podcast where men are forged into elite husbands and fathers by learning what it takes to become harder to kill, easier to love and be equipped to lead. Get ready to start building the only legacy that truly matters. Your family.

Curt Storring 1:21

Do you actually do before Ben or Benjamin? Ben? Ben. Okay, I see Benjamin on here. And that was like very formal. I couldn't imagine calling you, Benjamin. Even though I've only seen you on the reels. I'm like, Man, this guy is not a Benjamin. Anyway, you're not wearing the hat. I assume you're wearing the short shorts, though.

Benjamin Bark 1:34

I've got the short shorts on. Sure.

Curt Storring 1:35

Of course. Dude. I'm in the market for some new short shorts. That is such a flex. And we'll just start here. Thank you for coming on. I'm pumped to have you been on the downward podcast. And guys. If you're not following Ben, first of all, like literally pause this and what's your Instagram handle?

Benjamin Bark 1:51

Ben Barker fitness.

Curt Storring 1:53

Dude, go go to Instagram, find Ben Barker fitness and just understand this as peak fatherhood, masculinity. It is the funniest stuff and the best stuff. And dude, it's actually so encouraging. So maybe we'll just start there. Like, what what is what is it that you do? And what are you trying to do for dads and why is that important?

Benjamin Bark 2:12

Man, I think it's important for dads to be strong. Like I feel like that got lost along the way some time. Like we'd like the popularization of like, the dad bod, like making it cool to be like skinny fat. And like it was okay. And it's not like I think you have it's a priority as a father to be strong for your wife and for your kids. And so I kind of started doing it in a funny way. And it kind of accidentally took off. And so I was like, Hey, man, let's just run with it. Nice,

Curt Storring 2:39

man. And so that's so interesting. He just say straight out DadBod ain't okay, because I did that, I think was the post of mine. That got me shadowbanned very first time, I said dad bods aren't okay, and that a real man can benchpress his wife and run his kids. And I literally got like a warning for that. Because it's not okay, but what do you think about them? And why do you think it's not okay for us to have standards for dads because I think it's important, but we're in the minority. Have you thought about like, why it is so low standard?

Benjamin Bark 3:10

Man, I don't know why the bar got set so low. You know, because I joke recently, I was like, you know, if you lift weights, like three times a week, like you're probably the Alpha dad in your neighborhood, it's like, the bar is very low. It doesn't take a lot. But man, like as you know, like, as a male testosterone is huge. Right? In like your drive your energy, how you sleep at night, everything. And when you're not lifting weights, and you're not challenging yourself and your testosterone is low. I just don't think you're performing the way like nature intended.

Curt Storring 3:40

Yeah. And then your wife and kids suffer. Why? Because like, I know the difference. Personally, like I've, I've been doing that, you know, F around itis they call it at the gym for like, 10 years. Yeah. And only within the last couple have I tried, you know, I was doing trying to get some strength up. And I was with superhuman fathers got super lean. And now I'm trying to build some strength again. But there's a massive difference when you feel unstoppable. And you're like, Oh, dude, I've got energy for days, like Come at me world. And I noticed for me, and you tell me if I'm wrong for you, but like, you can do so much more for your wife and kids, right?

Benjamin Bark 4:11

Yes. 100%. And like I've said this one recently as well. It's like, any given time, you should be able to pick up your wife and carry her over the threshold. And I guarantee she will like it like as long as you don't like hit her head on the post, like walking through the door. But I thought it was really funny card the other day, a girl commented on my posts, and she was like, I'm married to my neighborhood. Alfa dad and she's like, I don't care what women say they're lying if they say they're like the dad bod,

Curt Storring 4:38

dude. Exactly. Exactly. I hear this all the time. And there's so many like cultural things that women like DM me as well. Yeah. And they're the same thing. It's like no to the dad bod. Yes, I want dad to lead all this kind of stuff. But man, I want to do like a couple things here. Like I said, I want to get into the specifics of the fitness because it's not every day. You know, you're listening to podcasts, whatever. I can literally ask you As a trainer, what do I do man, like, give me give me some tips, because that's sweet for the guys. But I also want to do, like I said, like leadership and fatherhood. And like that kind of stuff. Because I think it often reflects internally how you're feeling external, or how you're looking externally. And so I immediately have a least a baseline of trust, that you're consistent elsewhere, too. And that's an interesting point of being fit is you just have this baseline of trust, because you at least can keep your word and do hard things. So maybe let's just start at the top when I say like leading your family, what is your family? Like? How many kids you got, first of all? And like, do you actively feel like you're taking steps to lead them? And maybe just go into like, what leadership family leadership looks like to you? Yeah, for sure.

Benjamin Bark 5:46

So wife, for kids, man, super blessed, great family. And I was fortunate to any of you young guys out there, like the biggest like life hack. I know, it's kind of been demonized hacks, but it's like, marry a good woman. And it makes life so much better and easier. Just to have a teammate like that, man, I think it starts with like, the little things and like, I get up at the same time every day, and I don't hit the snooze button. Before my kids, like my kids have never woken me up unless it's for a bad dream in the night. And, you know, like, I think working out and working on your physical health. But it also bleeds into all the other areas like you know, I talk a lot about faith, family, fitness, finances and freedom. And I think when you're hitting the nail on the head on all five of those, is when things get really good. And when you get consistent in one area, I think it becomes easier to begin to get consistent in all of the areas.

Curt Storring 6:42

Yeah, and one of the things I noticed was like the more disciplined I was physically, the more discipline I could be, like, spiritually, honestly, like the temptations of the flesh, so to speak, are way easier to conquer. In my experience, when I'm building discipline, fitness wise, have you found that like discipline follows from this fitness thing.

Benjamin Bark 7:03

100%. And I think as like, as man, or maybe even anybody, it's like when you can grasp, like when you finally understand, like, in fitness to get very, very fit, it takes resistance, right? It's not going to be easy. And I think you can learn that in every other area. Like to grow in your faith takes resistance, to have a better marriage with your wife, like takes resistance. Like if you have a good relationship with your wife and your kids. And anybody that does will tell you, like it's not all like, you know, sunshine, rainbows and unicorns, like it's tough, and there's tough conversations, but you have to get through that resistance in order to get to the good stuff. And I just think fitness makes it easier to understand that in other aspects of life.

Curt Storring 7:44

Totally. And what are the things that you're doing with your kids fitness wise? Like is this? Like I said, it's like this leadership idea, right? So you're, they're seeing you presumably as like, be like, Dad, but are you bringing them in? Like, how old are they? And what are you doing with them to like, teach them this path.

Benjamin Bark 8:02

So I've got an eight year old, a seven year old, a four year old, and then a four month old. And so the eight, the seven and the four year old, we work out every single week. But I've made it a point. Like I'm really into it, and I love it. And so I don't want to be that dad who's like living vicariously through my children. So I'm trying to teach them. It's not an everyday thing. I make them exercise, like organized twice a week. And then the other times, it's just like active play. Like I get outside and play with my kids and go for a walk and ride scooters and bikes. But twice a week, I make them do a very simple workout. And initially, they would kind of complain like, Oh, not again. But now they just know, every Tuesday, and every Thursday, we go down into my garage gym, and I just take them through like a cart. It's like 15 minutes. It's so simple. But I'm just trying to teach them the basics. I'm like, guys, like, I know, it's annoying sometimes. And you don't want to do this. But like one day when you get into sports, and you realize that you've got a leg up on other kids and that you're stronger and that you're faster. I think you're going to appreciate this. And like sometimes like you just have to do hard

Curt Storring 9:08

things. Yeah, exactly what better way to like force that and again, like I really like the two days a week because I was talking to Jason Khalipa said the same thing. He's a big CrossFit guy. And he said came on the podcast and for me I'm like, I don't know man, like you fitness dudes. Are you like all in with the kids all the time? And he's like, man, we just go super simple, like maybe once or twice a week and if they want to come more awesome. And it's like, oh, man, that's actually really good. Because I know for me, when I'm into something, I'm like, Okay, kids, guess your life's about to change because you're doing exactly what I want and it's like that's not always the right way to do it. Yeah, but how are you like supporting the things that they want to do in that is it just is it just playing them?

Benjamin Bark 9:50

100% Okay, man, I heard something I talked about this with the guy on on on podcast yesterday. It really changed the way I parent. It said like when your kids are really young, sometimes they don't know how to say A like I'm stressed or I'm anxious. People typically just say, Dad, will you play with me? And that bro that changed the way I parented like big time. Because you know what it's like, Man, when you get busy and you're hustling, and you're trying to build something for your family, it's easy. When you're like, hey, you know, give me give me 15 minutes, and then 15 minutes turns into an hour and a half of work, you know, it's so man, like, and I think one of the biggest things from my boys that I've made a big deal is like, sometimes they'll ask, like, Hey, Dad, can I watch TV? And I'm, like, wrestle me. And if you told me, you can watch TV, and I'll end up letting them pin me after a while, right as a joke, but like, I think like wrestling with your kids and doing like physical stuff like that. And it's like, one, it's you're tricking them to exercise to you're teaching them to be strong and like how to defend themselves. And then man, just like, in a non weird way, like physical touch with your kids is important.

Curt Storring 10:52

Yep. Yeah, absolutely. That was one of the things that was almost like, the last thing for me to learn that was most impactful in the same sort of sense. Was like, my dad never wrestled with me. And so I didn't have any brothers. But I remember doing that with like, some friends, you know, 678 years old, and then like, maybe not whatever. But with my boys. They're always like, Hey, can we do that like game where we play like, keep away, right? So I'll grab a pillow. And then like, hide it, and they'll have to get it. Like, they'll love that. And it's just that messing around thing. But to put that before screen time, dude, like, we did this thing where you know, you want screen time, you got to sit down, take some deep breaths be appreciative of what's going on, say some gratitude. So you're actually focused on what's real. And then you know, you can have a little bit, but that physical thing 100% Stealing that. I appreciate that big time. And that's some everyone can do. So yeah, yeah, man. What, what else are you looking for in terms of like, leading your family in terms of like, there's a day to day, obviously, and the consistency and stuff like that. But do you have you sat down and like, planned out where you guys want to go? Like in terms of a family? What are your goals with parenting? What are your goals with marriage? Is that something that you've taken the time to, like? actively pursue,

Benjamin Bark 12:01

man, so I had a real job for a long time, right? I say a real job like a nine to five. And I was so focused on building stuff for other people. In the last like, 1618 months, since I quit my job and went completely on my own has been one of the greatest learning experiences I've ever done. And it guys, if you have an opportunity to do that, in some way, like I realized you have to provide for your family. And that's very important. But it's been a huge growing experience for my family, it's been an opportunity for me to talk to them about finances. You know, I had a wonderful father, bro, like, like about as good as it gets. But one thing that we never talked about finances growing up, like they obviously didn't teach us about finances in school, either, for whatever reason. And so like, I've gotten like a four year education in the last 15 months. And it's been a great opportunity to talk to my kids about, hey, this is why I'm doing this at this time. Like, this is how I pay for the house. X, Y and Z. And it's been a great learning experience and talking about like financial goals with my family and my wife.

Curt Storring 13:05

Man, that's, that's so important to find these like little opportunities and just be open to the conversations. But I was actually that's like, one of the things I was curious about is your journey into this like business space? Because do you have sick? Is it like our jobs? We get to encourage men to be better husbands and fathers? Yeah, I can't believe that. Sometimes. I we write content, we shoot videos. And guys are like, Oh, maybe I should change. And then generations can be changed through that. We are so fortunate. And yet, I just started writing and posting on Instagram. Yeah. And now this is the thing it isn't what how did it start for you? Was this like always the goal or you just like audio Alpha data? So funny, like, what was your transition from job into this? And how can guys maybe get some lessons along the way? Yeah.

Benjamin Bark 13:50

So man, we had kids really young, I was still in college. We were married, I got married during my senior year of college, I got pregnant immediately. And I didn't even have a job. And so I immediately after I graduated, like I got a job that was kind of like, offered to me, it was safe, it had benefits. I was working at a great gym. And it was just like, I just did it because I needed to make money for my family. And I just for like six or seven years, I just had this burning desire to do something on my own. But I kept kind of swallowing it because like, provide for your family provide for your family like this is it and I just the numbers didn't work out. And then finally one day, man, I was just like I told my wife just a lot of stuff was happening at work. And I was working every evening every weekend. I told her I was like, I'm done. And she was like, what? And I said I can't do it anymore. I was like, I've gotta I gotta at least try it. She was like, let's do it. And she didn't even blink full support. And like, I turned in and I gave like a six week notice just to make sure I've replaced myself and everything. But then just no looking back since then, man,

Curt Storring 14:55

man and so that was 15 months ago now. Yeah, about 18 months ago. Did you have Have any of this Instagram before you like made the leap? Or were you just like all in from zero man,

Benjamin Bark 15:04

I had like a pretty decent following. It wasn't like huge, but it really started growing once I started putting more effort into it. And I was like anybody who's doing a side hustle, you hear this a lot. It's like a side hustle. remain a side hustle until you put in like 100% effort.

Curt Storring 15:20

Yeah, exactly. Man, that's so important. I think his guys are like, well, when it works like I'll go in, it's like, well, actually, I've always had to take risks. Yeah. And like, what was the thought process around that? Because like, wife's on board, I'm very blessed with the same sort of thing. She's always been like, I trust you. Okay, well, I'm glad that somebody does. Because it's pretty risky. But like, what was that conversation like? Or that thought process between like, this could literally go nowhere? And then what, what was your thinking about all that

Benjamin Bark 15:48

man, so we were fortunate that we had kept our expenses low. And so I knew, like, just like looking at it, man, there's jobs out there everywhere. And that's what we talked about. I was like, I could get a job. Like tomorrow, if I needed to, like if I reached out to somebody because I have a good reputation. Like in the fitness industry, especially like locally in Central Arkansas. Man, I've had several good, like, when people knew I was on the market, I was getting lots of job offers, right. And so we just kind of knew man, like we can live lean. And, and I can hustle. And for anybody listening, like before you make the switch, one mistake I did make her is I didn't really like put it all down on paper, I was just I have full faith in myself probably too much faith in myself, that I was just like, I'll just figure it out as I go. And so I jumped out of the plane without a parachute and decided to figure out how to fly on the way down, do crunch the numbers like get I'm not an Excel spreadsheet type person, get an Excel spreadsheet, and crunch the numbers before you just jump ship. But man, it like just the learning that I've experienced and doing my own thing has been like,

Curt Storring 16:51

invaluable? And are you doing the same thing that you set out to do from the start? Or has the business model changed at all?

Benjamin Bark 16:58

Man, it's changed a little bit. Initially, I knew, like I was getting a lot of like social media collaborations, and stuff like that. And I honestly initially thought I was going to make a full time income just doing that. And this is where it comes in having a wise wife, I was doing all of this and like looking for collaborations. And my wife was like, I feel like you're you still just have a job, and you're not building something for yourself. And I was like, Whoa, she was like you need to quit building it for other people and build your own thing. Yeah. And so I'm still using that as part of my income, right, like collaborations, but I'm being a lot more selective. And that's when I really went all in, like on my website and building like the workout subscription.

Curt Storring 17:39

Okay, yeah, that's one of the things that's so interesting to me as well. So like, the reason that I'm touching on this is because for anyone listening, they're like, well, like, I've got to have this exact thing planned out for three or four years before I can, like make the leap. For me, I did that for a long time. Like, I've been working for myself for like 11 or 12 years now. But this thing dad work. This was the first one I went in, kind of like you with no spreadsheet, I was like, I'm gonna figure this one out. Because it's such like a heart thing. For me. It's like this soul thing, I'm gonna do it no matter what. And maybe I'll get a job if it doesn't work, but like, it's gonna work. But the thing is, man, like, I'm the same sort of timeline like 18 months in, I could never have imagined that the opportunities that presented themselves to me now could have even existed when I started. And so I just started, and I tried like 10 different things. And I did like men's groups and courses and advertising and this and that, and this and that. And now we're doing something completely different. But I would never have got here until I started. Now that's like, Have you always been a fast start like that anything you need to like pump yourself up. You're just like, all in all the time, bro. I'm

Benjamin Bark 18:42

like all gas, no brakes like, and it's dangerous. I think probably it's more of a good thing than a bad thing. Because I talked about this, like one of the first articles. It's funny that you said that that I wrote on my blog post. It was like dude, I didn't like I just got on and Googled like, like best web host. And like the first one I saw, I was like, okay, you know, I spent like $500 like on the spot to set up my website. And then I just immediately like, I set up my own website, it was GARBAGE. And my first article was just start. And you know, I remember one of the quotes in the article was like, Man, I just couldn't stand the thought of being like 84 and being like, man, what if you know, it almost be easier? Like if I try and fail I'll at least know. Yeah, do

Curt Storring 19:29

that is like, Oh, it's so cliche and yet I want to punch people don't get that and no offense, you know, don't cancel me. But like do this is the thing. Regret. Regret should be the most powerful motivator. I made a post on this the other day, because you're gonna die bro. Like, do you realize that as a listener, you're gonna die. And so what are you waiting for? You're just holding on to hope that if you just like don't look at reality, you're not going to die like bro. You get this one life and so if you realize that you have to pay attention. If you're gonna die, you will make those risks. Because at the end of your life when you're 84, you look back, you're like, Oh, thank God, I did nothing. And what, bro, your wife and your kids are waiting for you, you're the foundation and you're not going to do anything. You kidding me. And then I think it also like goes into distraction and not seeing that, you know, there's more to this life than what you see and being distracted. And like social media, you got to actually face God, when you realize you're gonna die. So anyway, that's a long way to say, do things that make you never have regrets? Because I'm sure you don't regret making the choice. I'm sure you don't get the days in the gym. Like you're just taking action is like, that's it? For me at least is that is that like, a basic thing for you just take action

Benjamin Bark 20:45

100% I've heard it from like, so many different guys who I see excelling. And people say it different ways. Imperfect Action, and I hear messy action. It's like, man, like, man, like messy action is better than no action. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Like, in so many people, they have this like, beautiful, wonderful plan on the shelf, that would work very, very well. But it just like sits there on the shelf, doing nothing with it. And then you guys got guys like me, and like you heard just like just kicking doors down. And it may not be perfect. But man, there's a beautiful part. Like, you can only learn so much through reading like textbooks, right? And I've heard this a lot lately, the big thing used to be like listening to podcasts and like read books, both are very important. But eventually you have to use that information that you learned in the book and the podcast and do something with it.

Curt Storring 21:35

Exactly, man. And this is like this gets into a little bit of a fitness thing and more than just fitness. But there's a lot of guys who just like don't move, or they'll move for two weeks and then fall back. And those might actually be two different problems. But I wonder with you working with guys on this because it guys listening. It's not just fitness. We've had a lot of fitness guys on so you're probably like, Okay, I know kind of what to do. But you're still listening this and you're not jacked yet. Like, okay, we're gonna have another opportunity with Ben here to tell us what to do. But when it comes to guys, not committing, and you're like, I've literally laid out the plan for you. Have you found there to be anything that like, mostly gets in the way mindset wise? Do you? Do you have you worked with guys where you're able to kick them off the axe so they get moving?

Benjamin Bark 22:18

Man, it's tough. And I think there's like a certain like hump you get over after you do it for so long. Like I've even noticed, like with my workout subscription. It's like when people will cancel after like two weeks. And I'm like, What were you expecting? Like, it's I've had to talk on this a lot lately. It's like the program doesn't do it for you. Like a kindergartener could probably write you a workout program. And if you followed it, you would see better success than doing nothing. Right. And so I think a lot of people, man, people want fast money, and instant gratification. And it ain't gonna happen. And I don't care like what app you follow, like what workout program you follow, or even if you're like, following, like financial advice, at the end of the day, it's up to you, and you have to do the work. And, man, the people that I've found that I've seen success are just the ones that keep showing up consistently. And it takes a long time. And like, because people like, it always gets on my nerves, like with people, like who are pretty fit and people will be like, must be nice. But I missed the fact that I've been doing this since I was 13 years old.

Curt Storring 23:23

Right. Okay, that that was going to be another one of the questions. I want to get there in a sec. But like, what about those guys who cancel after two weeks? Because there's a couple guys I've been talking to as well, which is like, Man, I do it. And I like, I know, I'm gonna get the results for two weeks. And then I'm like, Ah, that's that's like good enough for me. And I'm just gonna, like go back to it. There's usually something that they want from eating or like being lazy or whatever. Have you talked to these people who are canceling two weeks in? And have any of them, like, sorted out in the minds? Or is it just like you got it or you don't,

Benjamin Bark 23:52

man. So this is an area that I struggle, I naturally on passive aggressive. By naturally I don't want conflict until I do. And when I do, it's not good, because I bottle it up. But all that to get to, I used to just be like, I would message them I'd have like deep conversations with these guys about their goals and stuff and they cancel. And the plans there, man, all you have to do is do it. And so I used to just be like, hey, you know, sorry to see you go. Thanks for signing up. You know, best of luck kind of deal. I'll get this canceled for you. But now I started just mess him like, what's the plan, man? Like, what are you going to do tomorrow? Like, are you just going to quit? Or like, Do you have a backup plan and somebody messaged me and is like, Hey, man, honestly, I found a program that I like better. I'm like, Let's shake hands. Like thanks for giving it a try. But I know most of the time, it's people that were just looking. I don't know what they were expecting, like it to like, do the work for them. And so now I just message him like, Hey, man, what's the plan? Like what do you like? What's the workout plan for tomorrow? Yeah,

Curt Storring 24:50

that that is. I've tried to do that myself as well. It's so hard for me, because I'm the same sort of thing. Like let's not do the conflict thing. But at the end of the day, as a coach What is it serving the person who's unwilling to look at the truth? You're being a quitter? And what are you going to get from that comfort? Like for what you're comfortable, and your wife and kids come before come after you in that thing, because that's a selfish motivation. That's a selfish mindset. And so when I see guys like that, I'm always also trying now just like you probably the same timeline, like, okay, buddy, but like, what are you going to do then? Because you have to face the reality that if you're not doing the thing, that's your fault. And you can't blame anyone. And that blame piece man, like, maybe it's the same in fitness as like what I'm doing. But if you have someone to blame, you're always gonna be like, oh, yeah, but it wasn't my fault. I tried for two weeks. And then dude, I opened the app. And it like, took three seconds to load. So I didn't go to the gym. Yeah. Why? And so you got to get over them. And like, you have to just put results out of your head in everything. That's what I tell my guys. Okay, you're in the program, you're gonna get results in like two or three months, but you're not looking for a year. How do we cultivate that? And like that, it has to be like that in fitness, too. And I know I'm guilty of it. But like, what, how do you how do you get a guy to do that? Boy, it's

Benjamin Bark 26:11

tough. And I think there's parallels dude, because you see it with everything like program hopping, because they're looking for it to do the work for them. Yes. Wife hopping, when yes, they're not happy with their marriage. And so they think another one is gonna make him happy. And same thing with cars and with houses, man, you just got to find what works. And you stick

Curt Storring 26:29

with it. Yeah. And in that you're looking externally. For for validation. workout plan, you want to feel good about it, wife, she had this. It's always you. Like, that's what I believe at least,

Benjamin Bark 26:44

like that ring true. 100% You're 100%? Right. You were looking to change things externally, when it's an internal problem. And I think when you can find that you got to dig deep, and figure out that I love the quote, I try not to post it too much. But it's like whatever you're going through in your life is probably your fault.

Curt Storring 27:04

Yes, that's Dude, that's a way better way. I stole this from Tim Ferriss who said, How are you complicit in creating the conditions you find yourself in? And it's the same sort of thing. It's your fault, man. Like it is if your wife is Oh, my wife's crazy, dude, you picked her your fault. You know, like, Oh, my, I don't have enough money to you know, do the things we want to do and live in the house we want to do. You chose to live there. You chose to have that job. You chose not to do the risky thing and get a different job moved places. You're always 100% responsible for your life. And if you just got that, man, you'd be amazing. That's what it's like, do

Benjamin Bark 27:40

what's riskier. It's like living a life of discontentment or taking the risk and like in going for it. Can you imagine

Curt Storring 27:48

living with regrets? I literally can't dude, I literally can't because there will come a day God willing, where I look back on my life, from a ripe old age can either say like, Man, that was awesome. And I left it all on the table. And I look around me dude and my family. I've got like, 100 great grandkids. Everyone's like, oh, that grandpa Kurt good thing. He like put his foot down did the hard thing. That's what I want other than like, Dude, I was like, comfortable for those few years because I didn't look at how fat I was. And now like, I have no family. Oops. How is that not enough to make everyone do everything all the time? Yeah, it's insane. So anyway, we just harp on people who aren't making the right guys, if you're listening to this, get fired up. Like there's people out there. Come to me for the family leadership stuff, come to Ben and get absolutely jacked. Guy squatting like 400 some pounds like, Dude, it's insane. I was watching. I was watching your stuff going like, huh, I think I need a home gym. But anyway, let's talk about that now, actually, because I want to know, fitness wise in luck, you guys you want to plan? Can you can you give us like some version of a plan? And what I mean by that is what are some basics. If a guy's like, okay, dude, I'm sick of the DadBod. I do have a reason for this. Therefore, I'm not going to quit after two weeks. What would you give a guy for the first like 90 days to get moving? And then what happens after that,

Benjamin Bark 29:13

man, so I have a client I've been meeting with in his home for eight years. And it's he's a physician. He's very busy. But he's built it into his schedule. And we're very basic. He has like no equipment. He doesn't his wife doesn't want equipment in the house because they have a very ornate home and she thinks it'll make it ugly. And so we've got like a doorway, pull up bar, and like bodyweight exercises. And over the over the course of eight years. And there's a lesson in there. Over the course of eight years. This dude has gotten shredded on two days a week. And he eats pretty well. Right? And so basically with him, I do a workout style. It's called ie moms. You've probably heard I'm sure I wouldn't have been surprised if Jason Khalipa talked about this every minute on the minute and right so we've got an hour of time we do about 10 minutes of warming up Up to 10 minutes of cooldown at the end. The other 40 minutes were basically like on the clock. And so say we have like 20 minutes for this one portion will choose five exercises. And you'll excerpt do the exercise for 60 seconds, switch to the next exercise for 60 seconds. And you do so five exercises, four rotations doing 60 seconds on each. And man if you focus on things like push ups, split jumps, sit ups, pull ups, and even like, I don't love burpees, but I'll throw burpees in there for him just because they get the heart rate up. And then you pick the really difficult bodyweight exercises and you can get absolutely shredded doing those. And so for guys, like I don't have equipment, I don't have time. If you have 20 minutes, and a watch of some sort, you can get incredibly fit,

Curt Storring 30:45

man. But what about my excuses, right? Where did they go? That dude, that's like, and that's the thing too, right? Like, that's too easy. Oh Ha ha ha. And like, dude, then try that. Yeah, get incredible at what you just said, for 20 to 60 minutes a day. And then when you're like, Oh, I love this, like, then do more? Well, let's say like, Okay, so my problem, let's just make a super real I'm gonna get some I'm gonna get some coaching on you, bro. No, you can send me the invoice afterwards. But let like for me, you said you've been doing this since you're 13? Is that like, pretty serious? Yep, you're serious the whole way. Okay. When I see this kind of stuff, I also fall into the short term mindset. Um, okay. I think if I just do like a hypertrophy program for like six months, like, why aren't I just like built now, I should be able to do this. And that throws me off. And so I get discouraged, and I go to change it. Now for me, there's been some interesting things, maybe some health things, maybe some whatever weight and some blood tests. So I've tried to really optimize hormones right now. Yeah, I've heard of things like sprints, and I've seen you sprint before. So I'm curious about that. Heard of things, obviously, like lifting heavy, which is where I'm going right now. But when it comes to the Sweet of like, let's say there's an average dude mostly works out three to five days a week mostly eats well, how is he going to maximize his potential? By like, for example, I don't sprint. Is that something I need to add? Like, am I supposed to lift heavy everyday like for me more of an average dude, who has been lifting a little bit and is decently fit? How am I going to go to like the neighborhood Alpha dad, and actually get the most out of this?

Benjamin Bark 32:20

Yeah, do so a couple of things. You said there one. I think Springsteen is like single handedly the most underrated, underutilized exercise in existence, no Kimbrough. I'm just telling you so I kind of got lazy for a while. Kurt and I hadn't I hadn't sprinted in a while. And I was a pretty solid sprinter in high school, and I sprinted all through college as well. So I did like probably six months I hadn't sprint, and seriously, and I work out hard all the time. It's almost to the point. Sometimes I don't get as sore just because I'm well trained. And so I went back out to sprint, I did a very simple workout. I warmed up, I did 10 100 meter sprints, after I warmed up good. And then some sled pools. And dude, I was so sore the next day, like inner thighs, my abs, my obliques, everything is just a different beast of an exercise. I will throw this out there. If you've never sprinted, or you haven't sprinted in a long time, it's a great way to get injured, if you don't like warm up properly, and if you don't ease into it, but man, it's so you get the anti rotation because you're asking to stabilize your shoulders. And a sprint would be like equivalent to like a heavy lift, right? You get more resistance, you're tearing the muscles down more, so you get more benefit from that later on versus just jogging, man.

Curt Storring 33:35

Okay, so I like I want to go sprint right now. Because of that. You know what I think I've seen you have like warm ups for sprinting on your right. Okay, so do that. And then sprint like I got the school field right here. So before, you know, when I get back from the gym, I could just do that. Is that something that you do like just twice a week? Or is it like a daily sort of thing?

Benjamin Bark 33:55

I do it once per week. Week. And I base that primarily just because you can't do it all? You know, you literally can't it and it's hard if you're in a train seriously like weights. It's also difficult if you want time with your family to be a full time runner as well. And there's a guy named Mark Sisson, he had the Primal Blueprint. And he was big on I don't know what how, where he got this number. And I don't agree with all of the Paleolithic theories and everything. But it was like he had a theory was like every 10 days, if you have to sprint, and so his theory was like you'd have to sprint to get your food, right, like in a hunt and things like that. And they would have to do that like once every 10 days or so. And so that's where he bases it. No idea if there's any merit to that, but it's worked for me. I've noticed a difference like in my physique just from doing it once a week.

Curt Storring 34:43

Dang, man. Okay, well, like so 10 100 meters. Do you switch it up? Do you like do you know shorter longer? Sometimes? I want specifics.

Benjamin Bark 34:53

Typically it's gonna land in I'm gonna say 40 yards. I know. Canada probably doesn't use yards but in America Football we do same thing meters anywhere from 40 yards to like 200 meters is where I feel like the sweet spot is and I do mix it up 100 meters is my favorite just because that was my event like in college, right. And I feel like it's a very manageable distance for most people. I think a lot of guys haven't ran enough to fully understand like that 40 yards, how to run it and how fast you have to run it to get the benefit of it. And I feel like 100 meters is just long enough for it to be challenging, even if you're not running that fast.

Curt Storring 35:28

Okay, and so intensity comes into it too, because like, man, we've talked a lot about consistency over the last number of months on the podcast in terms of like the fitness guys are coming on and doing hard things discipline consistency. One thing though, that's never been like touched on I don't think and that. I have just noticed a few times. There's a guy in the podcast ash, the cameraman who I had on it, he's programming with one of my friends. And he's talking about intensity a lot. Yeah, and like, I'm looking at what I'm doing. And I'm like, specifically trying to do a like the 531, right, like I was doing a 531 getting stronger. And it's literally the easiest way I've ever found to like gain strength. But it's very non intense for me. And so I'm always curious, where does the intensity come into the workout? And how much am I leaving on the table? Not being intense? Because something in me thinks that's probably one of the answers for me personally, but I've heard you I think talked about intensity either on your Instagram or sprinting or something. So can you talk to me about like how to fit that into a regular workout plan

Benjamin Bark 36:31

100% So like with like hypertrophy and like to grow for those get into like hypertrophy as muscle growth, right? I think you have to push it to the point of like almost failure on some lifts. I think got some guys get in the habit of just going in there and you just crush every single lift. It's a great way to get hurt. But like with the 531 For those who don't know, like the Wendler, 531 awesome strength program, where the magic happens with that one, like when you're doing your last set of say, like benchpress. Are you going for broke on the final set?

Curt Storring 37:02

No, I'm just trying to get the last are trying to get to the number. Okay, so

Benjamin Bark 37:07

where it gets lost in translation somewhere on that program, but I heard Jim Wendler talking about it once and like where the magic happens on that one. The last set is always if you have three sets of five that day, the last set is five plus, oh, man,

Curt Storring 37:22

I saw you post something about that, like 12, the last rep or last set going for broke. Yeah.

Benjamin Bark 37:28

So like when you're doing the Wendler, 531 always assume even if it's not written that the last set, you go to failure. So like, say, like you have your last set is 90%, three reps of benchpress. Your goal on that set is to do as many as you can. And it may only be for at 90%. And that and what some days, it might be three, but you never leave one in the tank on the last set.

Curt Storring 37:51

That's beautiful. Okay, that's awesome. And now what about like the accessory list? Because I'm just doing like the basics. I'm doing the boring, but big. So I've got five sets of 10 on the lighter ones just to get that volume in. Yeah, but for things like, you know, doing some bent over rows, doing some things like that, should I just be like crushing it super setting that or is that a place to find intensity as well.

Benjamin Bark 38:10

So what I've started doing, man, I've learned this from the bodybuilding community. And like, My goal right now is to get bigger. I've always been a sprinter. I did CrossFit for a while. And so it was it was always a performance thing. It was never a physique thing. And as I've been trying to gain a little bit of size, what I've learned that I've been doing wrong, I was kind of like you, I was always just finish the set, do what's prescribed, and then I'm done. And that was the goal when you're going for performance. When you're going for hypertrophy getting bigger, it changes a little bit. So always on the last set of every exercise, I try to leave no more than like two reps in the tank. Like you can't go to fate, where you get in trouble is when you go to failure to the point when you're like, ah, like, you know, cranking your back and like losing form. But it's like you take it each final set of each exercise to the point where you know, you could maybe only do one or two more reps. Because that goes for like lateral raises bicep curls, leg extensions, whatever you're doing on your final set. You take it almost to failure.

Curt Storring 39:08

Let's go do I've already been in the gym and I want to go back just so much like okay, this one I miss and let's go. Yeah, and yet, I know it's gonna be a long process, because that's what I think too, right? Like, I, you know, going through this super big cut. I've done like 176 and I'm six foot four that was real tiny, like real tiny. And that shows I don't have a lot of like the muscle mass underneath that. I think so. I'm actively trying to build that up now and, you know, whatever, but I was I was noticing that like I just wasn't able to push quite as hard when I was that low and I wasn't quite able to do like that last rep in the tank so to speak. But yeah, man, this is like it's changing my mindset here. So I really appreciate that. Yeah. But like what about okay, nutrition? Yep. Man and like here's the thing, guys So, yeah, everyone's got their own examples, but like specifically for you as the neighborhood Alfa dad, like very well earned. What are you doing to both fit that in your schedule, but also not just be like, Oh, I'm a busy down and eat whatever I want. Like there's this nuance I imagine that you're doing because I'm really anal and I don't mind tracking my food. But where do you fall in that spectrum?

Benjamin Bark 40:23

So I gotta ask you a question first. Do you follow Zach strings on Twitter?

Curt Storring 40:27


Benjamin Bark 40:28

he's a great follow. He's really funny. He's like, in like the carnivore diet. So you may not agree with his full belief system. But he basically like he eats like me, avocados, like raw dairy products, and like a little bit of vegetables and stuff here and there, but no, like refined carbohydrates. But he's a dad, and I saw him post the other day. And he said, I keep seeing dads say that it's hard to eat healthy because of what their kids eat. And he was like, Have you thought about that dude, that you're feeding your kids garbage? And you're like, Oh, I can't get fit. Because of what I'm feeding my kids. Yeah, dude. And he was like, That doesn't even make sense. Because one, you're giving your kids unhealthy things. And number two, I tell people this all the time. They're like, my kids won't eat that I like, in my house. I'm in charge.

Curt Storring 41:19

Let's go. I love that. Dude. This is so funny that you're saying this because literally last week, I was on Instagram. I was doing the stories see what's going on? And I was like, bro, like, what's in your cupboard? Why are you showing people this? Like, you're showing that you care more about you and the physical results than the health of your family? Yeah, and no judgment. Because like, whatever man, like, do whatever you're going to do. But for me, it's very much like that. We're going to eat good food. And if you don't like it, then too bad. Yeah, right. And that's it. So like, my kids don't even know sometimes they're like, what was the other day? Like, I was the equivalent of like, what's a Freezie? Bro? Like, yes, like I have one because they don't even know what that looks like. But anyway, Whole Foods probably meet probably like that sounds great for me is that just you put good food in your house, and you can't really go wrong 100%. And for the record anybody listening, like we live a little every once in a while, like my kids love pizza. But it's just not like an everyday thing. It's like a once a month thing.

Benjamin Bark 42:22

You know what I'm saying? I think it's like you make those things fun. And like you tell them like, this isn't how we normally eat. It's not necessarily good for us. And that's why we put it in extreme moderation. But like, it's like, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. We know meat is great, especially from good sources, vegetables, nuts, seeds, things like that. And it's hard to break that system. And so I have like a 14 day challenge that I have people go through. And the goal of the challenge because I get annoyed with people like when they do a challenge, and they learn nothing from it, and then just go back to their normal habits. So I try to keep it real simple, like things that you can continue doing forever. But it's aiming for one gram of protein per pound of body weight every single day. Three servings of vegetables and three liters of water. It's a very simple formula. And if you eat that much protein and drink that much water, you're so satiated and full. It's hard to leave room to eat garbage.

Curt Storring 43:21

Yeah, man, that's so simple. Right? It's like, what do you mean? That's another one of those things, which is we've complicated all of this. Yeah, like just, I think that so many problems, not even physical problems, but like emotional problems come from the fact that we don't treat our bodies like their human bodies. Like if you just went back to basics, ate some protein moved your body once in a while, took out all the stuff that's literally not food in your cupboard. And just do that for a couple months. You would feel so much better like there was a time a coming out of university. I stopped drinking pop I don't know if you guys call it soda or pop or whatever button called Pop. It stopped drinking pop stop eating like Kraft dinner, because that's what I just ate. Like I didn't know any better. And I stopped eating that stuff. And like two weeks after, I was like, you can feel this good without like doing anything. Are you kidding me? Why didn't anyone tell me about this? Yeah. And that's the thing that I think guys are missing. It's not just you got to be jacked. Like literally man, I went through that I thought that you know, you should be super jacked, cut everything number one. But look, I've come to the point now where you should be fit. You should know the neighborhood alpha that doesn't need to be like a IFBB pro whatever, right? Like he just needs to be decently cut and healthy and fit. But like, Do you know how good you can feel that would allow you to be better for your wife and kids that would allow you to be more productive at work. Like all of this stuff. The health stuff? Yeah, looks awesome. But at the end of the day, dude, how much better can you serve your wife and your kids know? Like, it's so much different. Do you see that with your with your clients? They're like, Hey, I'm jacked, but I totally didn't even realize that I'm no better man.

Benjamin Bark 44:58

You definitely see And then also, it's like when you're putting yourself in, like, they always say, like, you know, put yourself in the right room, right. And like iron sharpens iron and stuff like that. And when you're around guys like that you see it lived out. You know, when you're hanging out with guys and like not to say that we shouldn't invest in other men who need our help, we should. But like the people that we spend time with, when you're around people who are pursuing fitness, bettering their finances, and having a great relationship with their wife and their kids, like it bleeds into you. And so I think that's why it's important to get yourself around those type of guys, because I do see it all the time. When you're striving for something, I love what you said, it's not about like a certain body fat percentage, or, you know, weighing I get crap all the time online from guys who are like, if you don't weigh over 200 pounds, you can't call yourself the Alpha dad. And so my response is usually Can you lift more than me? And nine out of 10 times, the answer is no. So with that being said, I mentioned this recently on a podcast, I think it's all about striving. And I think your kids see it and respect it. When you know, you may like look at David Goggins man, if you look at him, he doesn't have the body of like a Greek god. He's obviously like, very, very fit, like, incredibly fit, but he doesn't like look a certain way. But he's an alpha 100%. No doubt about that. So it's not always in 100% the way you look, I think your kids see it when you're striving for greatness in every aspect of your life. And that bleeds into them. And it bleeds into every other aspect.

Curt Storring 46:29

Yeah. And can you maybe talk briefly about like, the idea of feeling strong, and how that bleeds into things, because there's a long time where, you know, I was going through to look good, but I didn't feel strong. And even though I was like, anyone looking at me, he's gonna be like, dude, that dude is like, just jacked, dude. Veins everywhere, like just amazing abs for days. And veins, like veins on my veins. It was awesome. It felt awesome. But I literally didn't feel strong. Yep. And that, like, there was this weird thing inside of me that was like, I don't know if this is really right, man. But when you feel strong, that's what I'm going for now, is that, like, have you found that to be an important part of this, rather than just like looking cut?

Benjamin Bark 47:11

Big time. And because you'll notice, like, if you ever look at bodybuilders, when they're on stage, when they've made it to their final competition, they're weak. And like any of us could go up there and beat them in a fist fight. Because there's so they're depleted, right? And so like, there's a certain look that you can achieve, where performance is no longer an option. And so I think it's like, we kind of have to weigh the pros and the cons of like, How good do I want to look, but also, how well do I want to perform? And if I had to choose, I'm gonna choose performance all day long. Yeah,

Curt Storring 47:43

that's been a tough thing for me and my process of like, ego, because for me, dude, it's been like, perfectionism has been my thing. And I like, I had a thing with my hair. And like, people still comment on the hair, because it's very important to me to look a certain way. Used to be like, just like a helmet. Like so much pomade. It was not moving all day long. And I had a coach one time, bless him. He was like, okay, hold on, can you just like, go like this to your hair? Just like, no, of course not. And I was so into the way I looked, including with fitness, that it's taken me some work to be like, dude, if if the guy down the street doesn't necessarily know that I'm yoked but I can like beat him up sort of thing. And of course, I'm not going around fighting dads. But you know, my dad's tougher. Yeah. Let's bring that back. Let's bring bullying back in the sense of like, my dad could beat up your dad. Yeah, make it true. Like that, that should be a thing. But it doesn't matter if the other guys are going to look for that. But I was literally me, I was focused on other people's, like perception of me being fit. And that's such a trap, man. And just feeling fit internally. And this goes for everything, right? The identity piece. It's like, Dude, your value is in you. And it has to stay that way. And that's been a hard lesson for me. Have you ever dealt with that? Or have you always been pretty solid and like who you are,

Benjamin Bark 49:01

man, so I've always wanted to be bigger. And it's always bothered me because I always got the comments like in high school, especially like I was a good football player. I was typically the strongest on the football team. And I was like 155 pounds. At the time. I just always wanted to be bigger. And people always said things like, Man, you're really strong for a little guy. And I always hated that. But you got to think about the perspective of being being underrated. Is bro that's the life hack. Like I love I learned to love being underrated. I was in a CrossFit competition once and you're all supposed to face a certain way. And we're doing this workout called grace. It's where you do 30 clean and jerks for time with 135 pounds super fast workout nurses do those huge next to me, and we're all supposed to be facing the timer. And I remember he turned around and faced the guy behind him because he felt like he was more competition than me. And so I had finished the workout and was sitting down and then he finished and started celebrating because he thought he had won On because he is looking at the dude behind him. Oh man. And then I remember he turned around I was just kind of like, Hey, man, it's a tool man use it be underrated and that's okay.

Curt Storring 50:12

I love that that's it's like a it's like a sleeper. I had some friends in like high school or whatever, who were building sleeper cars. They're like, Oh, man, you never know. But there's like 8000 horsepower in here. And I love that. Because again, it's like, it's really putting that money where your mouth is in terms of identity. Like, you could think literally anything about me, and I'm gonna win when it counts. And I don't even need the competition. But like, you know, we're men and I like competition myself. So if I have to find that, then yeah, man, if I go around with like, what do they call them? I have this, I have a secret Instagram account. By the way, nobody knows about this. It's it's a fitness account for Christian men to encourage them to be strong, so that they're less tempted by the flesh. Anyway, I had this thing where I'm gonna put like merch out. And someone's like, oh, I want a pump cover and ask what is a pump cover? And apparently is like a big a hoodie or something to like, not show that you're actually jacked. So you take it off to the gym. Everyone's like, Oh, snap. So like, that's, that's I love that. Dude, I love seeing that as a superpower rather than something to be like, I'm just going to like hide for a while just knowing that internal power. Very, very important for me. So I'm gonna, there's just a couple of mindset things that have already landed for me. So I appreciate this man. But but let's talk about let's talk about the the recent post, you said something about like reading the Bible every day and barbell training will fix 90% of our problems. Like, let's go there, dude, because I agree full heartedly or wholeheartedly. And I'm curious, like, your habit stack, the way the faith plays in all this. Like, if you just do the simple things and be a human, you'll probably win. Do you want to just riff on that for bed?

Benjamin Bark 51:45

Man? So a lot, it's I got I made people, some people mad. I think I I made the mistake early on, of trying to please everybody. And if you're somebody out there who's trying to make good content, it actually ends up getting better when you ruffle some feathers. Oh, yeah. Even I mean, think about Joe Rogan. Man, he ruffles feathers for a living, and he has the biggest podcast of all time. So with that being said, Man, I don't be scared to put your faith out there. And even if you upset some people, because two things are gonna happen. And this is what I learned really quickly, just over the last couple of weeks is one. And I hate to say this way, you're gonna weed out some people that you don't want, and you'll change those that you can. And so my goal, I may only help, you know, one out of 10 people, and I might, you know, lose 10, nine, nine out of 10 followers, but that's okay, if I help the one. Oh, yeah. And that's important. Yep. So man, for me daily is just like working out for me. Like every morning, I made a rule A while back, that I can't do any work on my phone. Until I've done my Bible study for the day. I do a thing called soap. So it's like whatever passage I'm reading that day. It's an acronym SOAP is for scripture. I write down my scripture. Oh, is the observation I write down an observation about the verse that I chose a the application how I'm going to apply it to my life in P prayer, and then I pray over

Curt Storring 53:12

it. Hmm. That's amazing. So that's a daily morning thing before anything else every day, and I don't miss men. Okay, so what is your morning look like then? This is I love this stuff, man. Let's go. So

Benjamin Bark 53:23

before my kids get up is the most productive hour of my day. And so I get up at 440 and 440 to 540 is is awesome. So I do my Bible study first. And then I know a lot of people say you're not supposed to be on your phone for like the first hour of the day. So step one actually is I do my morning chugs I drink eight ounces of water. I make my coffee, I go to the couch, I read my Bible. And then I immediately start working. After I get done with the Bible, or mosey style. Yeah, did like as soon as I read the Bible, man, I drink my coffee. And I start working on some content for the day. So like I do my own content, I help a few other clients with their content. And I just hammer it until 540. And then I'm typically going to a client's house. I have like five personal training clients that I hang on to that I just like, it's good money. And I do that every morning of the week, Monday through Friday.

Curt Storring 54:16

Oh, dang. That's interesting. So what are you doing the workouts and what are you doing? Like the other stuff that builds up the family? What does your day look like them? Yeah, well, I have a very

Benjamin Bark 54:23

weird day. But that's the beauty of having your own business. Yeah. So I go work. I go to a client's house. I train them. I usually eat breakfast on the way to their house. And it's something like I'll eat like, overnight oats or something like that. So I have carbs for the workout. And I go train somebody I come home I take the kids to school. And then after I take the kids to school, that's when I work out it's typically like 8am

Curt Storring 54:46

Oh man. Oh, that happens earlier. That's amazing. Okay, so what's your day look like now then. So you're you're making content first thing in the morning? Yep. Are you like planning reels are you writing? And then what is the rest of it? Like what do you do with the rest of your day? Because I've found maybe there's some entrepreneurial dads listening to this, actually I know there are like, Dude, I would work all day, every day if I could. And that's my problem that I've got to deal with. Does that come naturally to you? Or are you just like, Dude, I got like two hours and I'm good. I live that content creator lifestyle and just chill with the family all day. Which side are you on?

Benjamin Bark 55:18

I'm a hard worker, dude. And I don't know, I almost find like, it's one thing I can control is my work ethic. And which it can be a detriment to men as well, like guys who are like, you know, like, call them like workaholics. And so I have I've one thing I've struggled with, and tell this to anybody is that you, you quit your job because you're working for someone else. And you think you have this certain type of life. And then you find out you work harder for yourself than you did for someone else. And so I had to work through that with my wife. She was like, Hey, man, you know, used to when you come home from work, you were done with work, and you wouldn't think about it. Now. It's like 630 at night. And like, sometimes I'll find an excuse to like, slip back into the office and work a little bit. So you definitely have to find that balance. And where you don't lose time with your family, you know, for selfish ambition.

Curt Storring 56:09

Yeah, well, how are you doing that? Because I know it's new. So like, maybe you don't have it figured out. And that's totally cool. But are there things that you've done? That's like, five o'clock, like, I'm putting this away? And I literally will not take it up again. Is anything work?

Benjamin Bark 56:21

Yeah, just like, being true to what I tell my wife? And you know, have a yes, yes. And your No, no, imagine that. Yeah. Do you we've had tough conversations about and I'm still not perfect, but I mess up all the time. Yeah. And she'll be the first to tell you that. Actually, she wouldn't, because we're pretty big on will have tough conversations behind closed doors. But like in public, it is always a unified front. And she's

Curt Storring 56:45

so good. That is so quick interlude, Natalie, my wife, she's she's likely going to lead like a group of the women, the wives of the men in my group, which I think is going to be like a game changer for them to get that. But she's like rule number one. You do not bad talk your husband? Yeah, like, that's rule number one. I love hearing that from you. Because that should be everyone's rule, I think, to create that unified front and just remember, dude, like you're listening this podcast to become a better husband. That means that you're in a good marriage, not that you are just a good man on an island. So like, Be together and work together and do that together. Anyway, I interrupted you. Thank you for for letting that happened. Yeah, anyway, have the hard conversations, just be honest. And anything else that works for like leaving work at work,

Benjamin Bark 57:30

man, working really hard in the times that are designated for work. That's when it's dangerous being like in any type of social media game, because it's really easy to get distracted, when you waste 30 minutes, when you're supposed to be working. And when I'm focused. Like, it's incredible, when you don't have like a nine to five, how much you can get done in like two hours. Yeah, like, I can honestly probably get what a normal person would get at like an office job, like an eight hours, I can probably get that done in two hours. And so just being diligent and holding myself accountable to like, during these two hours, like I am working, it's like after I work out, I shower. And like man from like, 10am to like noon, I just hammer it. And I know the more I get done then like the more the less I would have to do in the evening. And so really my goal, it doesn't always work is to be done when the kids get home from school at like three o'clock, and there's like, I mean, there's evenings and I'm just open with that about my wife. I'm like hey man, not happening today. And then it's like that five o'clock shut off and I still like I'm like hey man, this is most people still commute home and get home at like six o'clock, you know? But man during the day when there's are those work hours, like not me not screwing around and actually being like diligent, intense focused work.

Curt Storring 58:47

Yeah, and finding out what those things are. Because for me, I love to go to like a coffee shop once in a while and I don't do it enough because there are limits then I have to get the job done in the two hours we're ever going to be there and you just smash it. But if I'm at home I start looking for problems. What's next with next anyway, I know we're at the top of the hour we're going to talk to you so I want to give you respectful that where can people find out how to become more of the neighborhood Alpha dad and everything you're doing,

Benjamin Bark 59:12

man Ben Barker fitness just about everywhere. It's my Instagram my podcast my Tik Tok Twitter just about everything

Curt Storring 59:20

sweet bro. Thank you for this this has fired me up so much. Man. I gotta get one of the shirts to

Benjamin Bark 59:25

you by Halloween. It was awesome to connect man you've been an encouragement to me as well.

Curt Storring 59:29

Dude. Love to hear that Thank you brother appreciate this and guys all the show notes Dad.Work slash podcast you'll find links for Ben there as well. All right, man peace. Thank you for listening to the dad work podcast. That's it for this episode. But if you would like to stay in touch between weekly episodes, why don't you go over to Instagram and follow me there because I draw up a number of things throughout the week that are related to what we talked about on this podcast but usually go a little bit deeper. provide some tips you can find me on Instagram at dad work dot Kurt That's da D, W O RK dot c u r t. And please, if you have been getting something out of this podcast if it has touched you if it has improved your marriage, your parenting or your life, would you please leave a quick review on Apple or Spotify, leave a rating. If you have a few extra seconds, leave a quick review. That's the best way that we can get this work in the hands of more fathers. And I truly believe that we change the world, one father at a time, because each father that parents better that loves better raises children who do the same. And in just a couple of generations. I feel like we could be living in a world much better than the one we live in today. Your review will help along that path. And I thank you so much for being here to listen until next week. We'll see you then.

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