Charles Clay 0:00

Welcome to the data word podcast. My name is Curt Storring, your host and the founder of dad work. This is episode number 84. From pain to purpose, how to sit with emotions and the inner peace process with my guest, Charles clay. We go deep today talking about getting over your resistance to asking for and receiving support, unraveling your hearts ability to feel after hardening it after tragedy and societal expectations, sitting with your loneliness to allow it to process integrate and pass away a skiing accident that allowed Charles to use pain as a gateway to emotional processing, neuro kinetic therapy, how to actually sit with your emotions, Charles inner peace process and focusing on feeling more, not feeling better. Charles clay is an inner peace coach and healer, a neuro kinetic pain relief specialist and the founder of freedom from pain and the inner peace process. Charles offers the step by step inner peace process for releasing internal blocks, unprocessed emotions and negative subconscious beliefs that keep people stuck. This guided process helps with healing deep rooted generational wounds, so they don't have to be passed down to our children. Charles also offers the laser focus method online training course to cut through distractions, conquer procrastination and produce more while consuming less you can find Charles online on Instagram at Charles clay dot coach, you can find that in the show notes at Dad.Work slash podcast to get the link at the end of this episode, he also offers a couple of ways to get in touch one of which is to just DM him on Instagram with the word podcast to receive a free 15 minute support call. And at the end as well. He also offers $200 off enrollment in the inner peace process by messaging him decode IEP P. This was a wonderful conversation with Charles and I'm so glad that we got to connect. It is actually a recommendation from John Roman, who's also been on this podcast who runs front row dad's, which is an excellent podcast and community to check out if you are looking for community and more ways to become an excellent man husband and father check out John in front row dad's. But I'm really glad that John connected to us because what I got from Charles was a really, it was basically like a lot of the things that I have done in my process, but put together in a way that made it so easy to understand. So cohesive. And I guess, systematized and processed in a way that is really simple to use. And so I was very grateful that Charles was able to do that. Because sometimes this is all felt like Oh, where do we even start is trying to get this across to other people to help them with what worked for me. And I think Charles did a really good job and talking about a lot of it. And I like that he mentioned, you know, almost what I would consider toxic positivity. Because you hear inner peace process, you hear about all this stuff. We're talking when you go like, Oh, yeah, I just want to feel good all the time. And Charles touches on the fact that that's not actually what we want to do. And I love what he said about feeling more, not feeling better. And anyway, we get into a lot of stuff, your emotions and your body and how to actually sit with your emotions, as I said at the start of this intro. And that's interesting, because there's a lot of guys who are asking me like, Okay, I hear you say this all the time. Just sit with it, just breathe through it just be with your emotions. But what does it even mean? So Charles is gonna break that down for us in this episode. That's it for now, I'm gonna get right into it. And I appreciate you guys being here. Actually, before we get into this episode, it is Tuesday, May 3 2022. And in just a couple days, we're doing our main kickoff call inside the village. This is our online training and brotherhood community. We have just completed our first month, it is an amazing place to be there's a lot of discussion happening, people going through our courses, a lot of calls happening throughout the month expert workshops, recordings of the workshops we've done already guys, this is the place that I wish I had nine years ago when I started this journey. And I just want to invite you, I want you to hang out because this is my long term goal, to reach as many fathers as we can to help you just have a place to do the work to guide you to support you to be there for you. If this sounds like what you're missing your life, I would love to invite you to join us at Dad.Work slash village. It's a very low commitment on your part. And it is a massive value, at least from my naturally very biased opinion. And I've already heard from a number of the members who have given amazing testimonials and feedback that it's actually not just my biased opinion, but also objective fact as well. If you'd like to join us go to Dad.Work slash village. We'd love to have you in there. And I promise this time that's all she wrote. We're gonna jump into the episode number 84 with Charles clay

Curt Storring 4:31

Alright, dads, I'm here for another amazing episode. Today we have Charles clay. I'm excited to have you Charles because you were recommended by John Roman who I really respect doing amazing work for dads. And I started following you. I saw you have a daughter with another one on the way I believe. And man I just love the energy you're putting out. So first of all, welcome and thank you so much for being here.

Charles Clay 4:51

Thank you, brother. appreciate that introduction. And yeah, John's dear friend now and happy to be here. Yeah, so there's a lot to talk about today.

I would first like to start by just grounding us in what your own journey into fatherhood was like, because as the men of the podcast who listened to this No, mine was anything but easy. It was the catalyst to doing all of my own inner work and healing. But it was painful. And so could you give us an idea of where you were in life? And how becoming a father pushed you along your journey? If it did?

Sure. Yeah. I mean, for me, fatherhood was probably the most potent initiation in life that I've experienced so far. And really, one of the beautiful things about it was this, you know, idea that I had this concept and idea of what love was, you know, and then all of a sudden, bringing this new life into the world, and it exponentially, like, in every direction, expanded my concept and feeling and experience of love, that, that really opened me up in new ways that allowed for, yeah, some deeper self discovery of myself. And, and then, of course, you know, it adds to a lot of stress, too, I think a lot of dads can relate to like having all the ducks in a row. And you know, all the finances and everything in order in order to bring the perfect child into the world. And that's not always the case. And so it's been a deep trust fall to and it's been an opportunity to improve my own self trust, and just this deep knowing. And in that was kind of, you know, because I've had the financial roller coaster ride sometimes with that initiation into fatherhood. And, and that, while that happened to me as a bachelor, that was pretty easy. It was like, you know, I remember being in college like that, I only have like 10 bucks to last for the next two weeks. And we still managed to find a way to get drunk somehow. And so now, it's totally different pressure, it's like, it's not just about me, this is like the whole family on the line that I am in the provider role for. And so that creates this entirely new pressure and, and at first, I was pretty intense. And it was really hard for me to navigate through those waters. And then when I would use my practices, and get an eagle eye perspective, and drop from the mind into the heart space, and be like, Wow, this is the same pressure that creates diamonds, you know, this is the same pressure that that really allows for accelerated evolution. And so as I begin diving into that perspective, then it opened up all these doors for me, as far as, you know, ways to accelerate my evolution. And one of those ways was getting over my own resistance to asking for help and support. I think a lot of men can relate to this one, as far as always wanting to do it on our own, and the lone wolf, the solo solopreneur journey. It's an old way of doing things. And there's just like, you know, as we zoom, as you're dropping to ours is recognizing that we're all like, very important pieces of this giant puzzle, in that we're in this together. And, and so that's actually a beautiful aspect. So as I was more courageous, and asking for support in ways that I needed, that came back to me tenfold and allowed me to develop such deeper connections, with our, with friends, with community with my wife with and getting to structure these things so that, you know, we feel more at ease and peace through this new experience for all of us, you know, bringing new life in is we put a lot of pressure on ourselves. So sure, you can relate to that.

Yeah, no, I one of the things that I would love to come back to is and I think we'll come to in a number of times is your skill at reframing things, is very positive. It's very hopeful. And it's like, Oh, right. Like, you know, this is where diamonds form like, man, there's, there's a few of these that even you brought up before this conversation that I'm sure we'll get to. So I just want to like touch on that and the importance of how you think, for the men listening. But I also want to ask specifically about this support piece, because that is what we are doing here. Like the whole point of building this community is to be a place where dads can reach out and to be seen to be heard, to be supported, and even to be challenged along their growth journey. But I wonder if there was a way that you got over that initial fear, like what did it look like for you to reach out? Where did you go what was useful for you to get from the other people in your life as you got on this journey of fatherhood?

Yeah, it's a great question because one, I think the first part of cracking that shell was recognizing how much I was good Being and supporting others, both my wife, clients and, and, you know, creating this ripple effect in the way that I got to show up for people and even friends, you know, it was always a man of my word, you know, say, Oh, you need help moving, I'll be there. And I'd show up there and, and so when it came to people that needed my support, and I got to experience that, that level of transparency and vulnerability, allowing us to connect even deeper. And so that allowed our relationship to enhance exponentially and, and yet, I realized where I was depriving my friends, family community have the opportunity to support me when I needed. And so I was, it was like being selfish, and not giving them the opportunity to support me and so that just like opened up new neural pathways in my brain that allowed me to realize, wow, like, why am I trying to do it this way, all by myself, when I get this incredible experience when I am able to show up for others, and I'm depriving my loved ones of that opportunity with me. And so that that was really the beginning of, okay, get to, like, lean into this, and it was so awkward, you know, asking for support the few times, like, I need help, and I don't even know where I need it. You know, and, and that's all the human part of it, which is all part of the growth. And so and then being held in that, like, just been so honored to be a part of such amazing men's groups and community here that to be able to share truth and what's not working in my life and, you know, release any shame with that, or guilt that that can literally just come out like a burp or fart instead of holding it in. It's like, Ah, just by sharing that I like feel better already. You know, and I'm sure a lot. And so that just noticing all the support that was already available to me, that I was wasn't utilizing. And so then it was just like, cool getting over my own resistance and fear of. And for me, it was the the deeper I went into it, it was about try not to show weakness. It's it's been taught early on, you know, man, you're a man, you shouldn't cry, you know, that's a sign of weakness. And we always have to be strong. And all these things that were just so heavily ingrained that I got to just little by little unravel and peel apart with them some of the medicine that that I offer, and continue to take myself. And that was a game changer for me. Because this allowed me to enhance so many relationships with men's groups with the level of support that I could have for my family, realizing that I'm held in this, you know, and it's beautiful on the other side of that fear, just like any fear, there's just this pot of gold and self discovery always waiting for us. So

that is so strangely similar to my experience asking for support and holding the burden of other people not to support me, I was like, No, I got your back. 100%. But don't worry about getting mine. Like I don't want to trouble you like that. And you're so right. I love holding that space. And here I was presenting something that nobody could even get around to support. And for me that showed up as like perfectionism, I came across, I had feedback that I came across as having everything together. And so what could this man have to offer me and I was like, oh, man, all I want is your support. And here I am accidentally denying you a way of giving it to me. Yeah. So this is very powerful stuff. And I felt the same sort of way of being held. Like the first few times of being held for me like in that container of safety with other men brought like tears and emotion. I've talked about this in a couple of podcasts, just how important it is to find intentional men with whom you actually can be supported by and with a wonder in terms of fatherhood. Was there a moment or are there moments that you get from from your daughter, that mirror back to you things that are uncomfortable, and things that you are now actively working on that used to not be a problem? And then we talked a little bit about needing to provide for them not being able to just do what you want all the time with the 10 bucks in your account. But are there things that are currently being mirrored and how have you dealt with those if there are?

That's a great question. You know, Sophia is going to be to here in May 2, and she's just been my ultimate inspiration. And then she's I see her As a teacher, she's always teaching me patience. She's teaching me the importance of play, and, and how to, like, even move and navigate through what's real and emotions and feelings like, so, you know, organically, that I'm often learning from her and so the she's in that place where she's developing her sovereignty and has a really strong No. And her discernment is like, you know, like even a friend or like, put her hand on her, and she'll just like, grab their hand and give it back to him. And daddy's over here like, yes, that's my girl. Oh, like, a strong no and good discernment for my girls. It's like, warms my heart, you know, already early on. And, and with that, of course, comes, you know, some like minor tantrums and stuff when she's not getting the cookie she wants or the things right. So always learning and always accepting that all those emotions are okay, instead of like, no, that's unacceptable. You know, kind of how we were taught, it's, it's different now. Like, take a deep breath when she's getting upset, instead of like, oh, this is uncomfortable, cuz she's upset. And I got to change this and fix it really quick. It's like, no, look, let's take a deep breath and see, you know, what is she feeling what she need right now, then I'll ask her if she needs a hug. You know, and, and sometimes she'll give big hug. And she knows how I like it, she gives like the big pat on the back, too. I'm just like, That's my girl. And, you know, it's fascinating. I mean, there's even times when I was working through some layers of grief, and, and she literally was holding space for me, and got to witness me in this space of letting tears fall. And then that moment even just bonded us even deeper. And so it's ever changing. There's, you know, it's always new things and, and just when we think like, oh, yeah, we got this dialed in our routines down, and then boom, she's grown and already into something different and new challenges. And, you know, kids are just always growing like that in so many ways. So it's like fun to try to keep up with.

Yeah, yeah. I keep hearing things that I perceive as being aware, very emotionally aware, emotionally intelligent, you might say, and that was one of the things I wanted to talk to you about. And maybe we'll start with, like, How is this a thing that you are good at, because you clearly are good at it. I mean, noticing the breathing, talking about the nervous system, being there, and being discerning and letting her struggle because you're going to be there and help her be there for herself eventually, these are all things that come with, in my experience, practice, because as you say, I didn't learn any of these things took a lot of pain and pressure and learning. And so how did you go through this journey to get there? Where did you? It doesn't sound like you grew up like that? Yeah. So what was that journey? And how can men start thinking about their own journeys into emotional intelligence?

Man, what a great question. And for me, it started early on, I pretty much learned the hard way, so that I could teach an easier way. You know, it's like, allowing people to learn the easy way through my mistakes. And so early on, I remember, you know, I had, I had a pretty, pretty challenging upbringing. I mean, I have vivid, incredible memories, enjoying the beach with my mother and having these, like, just really cool. You know, my five year old was a genius, I would, in this new town, I literally got to create like a biker gang and made all these new friends. And we built forts, and all these things, and so have these vivid, incredible memories. And yet, when I was 10, my mom committed suicide. And so it was this really potent and powerful initiation of loss, like early on in my life that was just so impactful, and so painful that I remember sitting at my dad's at her funeral next to my brother, and trying not to cry because of all these ingrained beliefs around like, now I gotta be strong, I can't show tears or weakness. And so that just took me like years to unravel and finally, like access those tears and after that for a period of time I was I was a loose cannon. You know, it was like short fuse, I would easily triggered and I was like, getting into fights and stuff and then through middle school and then hanging out with bad crowds, like older kids that were getting us into trouble and and so I literally didn't like that path, and I didn't like that. So about myself. So I decided one day, I just would turn off my emotions, and that I will control my emotions now, and that nothing will upset me. And then literally, it was this huge shift, it was like one decision. And I became very stoic and very, like, you know, in my space, hard to ravel hard to crack. And that was very serving was an upgrade from where I was yet, you know, years later, man, it was like, tightness, my body aches, pains, same, like injuries kept showing up, and reoccurring neck injuries and these types of things that were like, I would go to see all the physical, physiological, scientific therapies and ways of fixing it. And of course, it's always the last place we look, right. And so it was the emotions that I was trying to avoid. And trying to run from trying, I mean, my brain came up with all kinds of strategies, you know, go to the fridge stuff, it feels uncomfortable, get on, you know, Instagram now and just scroll look for some dopamine for hours. And all these strategies, even doing a lot of people can relate to that one, but just stay busy and stay focused, you know, and I'm doing something productive. And yet, we're still running from this feeling that wants to be experienced through us. And, and any emotion, whether it's grief or apathy or anxiety, you know, we're we decide we're the meaning makers, whether that's good or bad. It's simply energy and energy is inflammation. And so that inflammation is showing up in our body to tell us something, and so had some huge revelations. along my journey, one, when I sat with loneliness for the first time, like, really let myself sit in the depths of loneliness, and saw my mind showing all those band aids of like, Whoa, this is so uncomfortable, like, all you have to do is go grab the phone and call somebody or get out of this situation and just, you know, escape from it. And I just kept sitting deeper and deeper into this loneliness, and found that by sitting with it, all of a sudden, that begins to pass. And underneath that was this deep inspiration of like, Man, when is the last time I've actually taken space this much time with myself. And I kind of actually enjoy my own company, you know, before that I was an extrovert. And so I'd love to go out to parties or, you know, events and stuff and get charged up. But now I was like really getting charged up for my own energy in my own space. And this was a game changer for me understanding subtle energy bodies and And so literally, underneath that loneliness was this like, realization that man, I'm finally creating space for myself without distractions. And I can create whatever I want from here, like this whole list of ideas that I've had and messages and things on my heart that I wanted to share that I've just put on the backburner.

Now, I have space and time to create those. And so that inspired me. And that was right next to that was like, Cool, I found gold in the depths of this emotion that I was running from, for so long. What else is in these heavy emotions that I haven't sat with. And so anxiety was like, the subtle thing that was kind of in the back burner of a body would show up and like my gut, and sometimes my heart and, and then sometimes it would elevate and get like some, you know, pretty borderline anxiety attacks. And so I finally sat with that. And I was like, Hey, I had a good experience with loneliness, and actually appreciated that now. I'm not afraid of it. So anytime I'm lonely, I'm like, Ah, yes, me time. All right. And now it was the same thing. It was like, Cool. Let's do this with anxiety. And so I invited anxiety in for tea, instead of continuing to try to push it away. Because that which we resist just persists. And so it stays stuck in our issues in our tissues. And, and so I invited it in and it was like, sitting down to tea with this became a friend. It was like this energy with important information for me to to share with me it was like, It's time to get to work. Like, what are you doing? You've gotten so far from like, what your heart desires to share in this life before you die? Like do you want to take all these amazing ideas to your grave? Like holy cow, like thank you for reminding me and anytime I was getting that like big hit of anxiety, it was like yeah, I was consuming more than I was creating. And so it was like this huge epiphany and realization and helped me To dive deeper into breath, work one of the greatest tools that's right under our nose before that was a big thing. And, and, and becoming friends with it, and accepting it, and recognizing the lessons and the blessings in it, anxiety disappeared. And it was like, cool, we got the message. And if it comes back, it's so much subtler. And I can like pay attention to the little feather, you know, instead of needing to get hit by a brick or a Mack truck equivalent of a full on nervous breakdown. And so I pay attention to those cues. And, and I appreciate, you know, I feel like, as a soul, and this human experience, like we signed up for the full spectrum of emotions, and there's no escaping, like, no matter, you know, if you don't feel those layers of grief from loss, like I did for so long, I've traveled the world and went to all over the place, and it was still there with me, you know, it's like, wherever you go, there you are. And so you can't just escape this energy that wants to be felt through you. And so that encouraged me, it inspired me to dive even deeper into all these so called heavy and bad emotions. And each one of them, I found gold, and just a deeper understanding of myself. And so it was exciting to get to share that level of emotional intelligence with others and incorporate it into my coaching and, and, you know, on another caveat to that, it was like, just that, that's always the last place you look. You know, a lot of people dealing with pain is like they're going to get like massage and, and they're just like getting elbows and in the pain chasing it. And, you know, for me that Mack Truck equivalent was in 2008, when I share a quick story about how this kind of cracked me open, the most physical pain I ever experienced. And one of my greatest gifts that came from that was helping Mammoth Mountain. It was two buddies and I were up on a full on Blizzard, like it was crazy conditions, there's snow coming every which way it was a total wiped out, and they'd close the lifts down because it was so dangerous, yet, we were already at the top. So we just looked at each other, we're like, Man, I could barely even see a blur of a tree like five feet away, but just stay low and be ready for anything. So we're charging and having fun. Halfway down the mountain friends are ahead of me, and all sudden, I'm going off a jump that I didn't know is there. And it felt like I just went off a cliff. And I'm looking around and I don't see anything. You know, it was like that pitch white scene in The Matrix. And, you know, you show a NEO like, this is what it's like on a ketamine journey, you know, and, and I freaked out, it was just tensed up, smashed my back, and it felt like I just got hit by lightning bolt. The impact was really severe. And I felt like 11 on a 10 scale of pain. I was in bad shape. And I yelled to my friends, hoping they could hear me. They were already heading down out to my phone, it was dead. And you just just like those moments of man, I literally have to channel my inner spartan warrior to somehow get out of this situation. I'm stuck on this mountain in a blizzard. And I'm in immense pain. And again, breathing through it, I clicked off my boots and like would sit on my board and slide down as far as I could tell, I'd like keel over and take some deep breaths and ventually made it down the mountain to then go see all these doctors because I was in so much pain. And they told me the bad news, you know, some multiple opinions and they're all saying like, Hey, here's your X rays, your spine is in bad shape. And you might never move the same again, if you don't get surgery ASAP. So for a guy that loves the greatest technology of the planet, these human bodies with my background and degree in kinesiology and minor in health wellness, this was like the worst news I could have, could have gotten and so luckily even in a fight or flight state, I was able to access my intuition and choose to not go under the knife and choose a path of self healing and in that was when I really had to like sit at home by myself in pain and just let a lot of tears fall like feeling the fear of not knowing if I'd ever made the same again, shame. I couldn't even stand up straight, let alone get to work or be productive or useful. And you know, in some grief layers that that I hadn't felt through the loss of like losing my mom and and so as I let all that finally fall I call it 3d debris. It's like just letting that weight drop. It was like wow, I could feel some clarity and in that clarity I set the intention for meditation Listen to receiving all answers to healing naturally. And during that meditation a friend of mine I hadn't talked to in two years, sent me a text saying, Hey, I heard your backs in bad shape, check out neuro kinetic therapy. And this was the work of David Weinstock and Katie amazing work he's done and literally connected so many dots for me even starting to study it and went and got my first session by one of his top students in San Diego at the time. And I was blown away by what I learned that day. I walked in looking like Shakira stuck in a mid hip dance move, like my hips are over here, providers and one side and I'm, you know, a mess. And that was representative of how out of alignment. I was with my purpose at that time. Because here I am a personal trainer in San Diego live in the beach life health coach, taking on like 10 clients a day surviving on coffee, and then on the weekends just going out and getting smashed sex drugs and rock and roll, overindulging and all the things to not feel any of the bad emotions. So that experience totally cracked me open. And in one session, I was 90% Better, literally, like she found some things. My body gave us some answers. I mean, she tested my glutes and my glutes are firing. And I was like, What do you mean like glutes are firing off huge glutes. She's like, Yep, all form no function. So she had me clench my jaw, and then retested the glutes and all sudden they're back online temporarily. So our body was just showing that the neurological traffic jam was the jaw, which is now we can go into depth into that all the emotions that we tend to carry there. But that was blocking the signal from getting to these larger muscle groups that help stabilize my spine. So when we cleared those up, she released my job was super painful. She was like putting on rubber gloves. I was going What are you doing? She goes I know we just met but I'm gonna have to go in your mouth. I was like, You're gonna what? She's releasing these muscles and it hurts so bad. But it opened up it was just like a flood of

neurological connections, like re connecting in my body. And all of a sudden, we did that for a couple of compensation patterns. I got off the table and I could move again I was in alignment again. And I gave her a big hug and I said I'm coming back every week. I want to learn this. And then I took all of David Warren's Weinstock courses and studied under him and became a neuro kinetic therapist. And that exponentially, increased my business and opened up a practice for healing and helped hundreds of people understand and heal their back pain, neck pain, shoulders, without having to get surgery. And even those many people that have had surgeries would come to me. And I would ask them how their scars from their surgery can become neurological traffic jams, and how to release that and correct these compensation patterns. And so that was a big piece of the puzzle, because that was addressing the physiological aspect of pain. And that helped me improve my relationship with pain. I was like, now I didn't see pain is this thing to just be avoided? It was like, Oh, wow, I've improved my relationship with my body. And now I can understand, like pain is the check engine light, I was getting feathers of like, Hey, you're a little out of alignment, you won't want to make a change here. But, you know, we're so good about with our cars, when the check engine light comes on, like, oh, wow, I better go change something and get this service. But when it comes to our bodies, it's like, we mask it, we just try to push it out or, you know, put our hands over the check engine light. And then it's like that pain is there to prevent us from a major breakdown. And so the level of intensity of it is like how much we need to change something in our lives. So that allowed me to help a lot of people. So it was a huge gift. And still use it. It's super empowering. And that was one of the big pieces to the puzzle. That combined with the emotional intelligence and some really powerful emotional release techniques, as well as the metaphysics, which was a huge component and, and thankful for, you know, people like Louise Hay that that just left a wealth of knowledge in the regard of metaphysics and our thoughts and our actions in our, the way we speak, how everything's affecting our body and how our bodies are this representation of our subconscious. And so it's always giving us messages, whether we're listening or not. And the more we listen and understand then it's easier to stay on that in that alignment and just enjoy like, even new levels of joy, bliss, pleasure and, and all the things by going to the depths of those heavy emotions. then we can break through new ceilings of what's possible and in the well of joy, on the other end a lot to unpack.

Yeah, no, that deserves a deep breath. There was a lot there. And I really appreciate everything from that. And, you know, I'm feeling the weight of hearing you, you know, 10 years old, mother committed suicide, I like I'm hurting for that little boy. And I'm sorry, to him. And I appreciate an honor you for sharing that because, man that that is incredible to have to deal with and work through. And in a sense, like you were saying, a gift to be able to find all of this, because of that grief that stuckness. And like, I could ask about 300 questions, based on what you just said. But I would like to go back to something that might seem less profound, but that I get asked all the time. And so I also say, when I sit with what's true for me, it seems to dissipate, I can integrate whatever it's trying to teach me and it moves through me, and then moves out of me, I get a lot of questions, which are basically, what do you mean sit with? Like, what do I do? Do I literally just sit? And then what? So I know that's not as sexy as some of the other stuff which I would love to hear more about. But could you maybe unpack that just for a moment? And then we'll come

salutely? Yeah, that's a great question I get often too. And that literally inspired me, because I found something that worked really well to create the inner peace process. And it's a process for honoring anything that's in the way of our natural state of inner peace. And so instead of just tried to avoid it, this is a way of going into it, and discovering lessons and blessings, and how it's happening for us. And so, you know, real quick synopsis of that is, you know, step one is relaxing the nervous system. So I have a specific breaths for that. It's called expansion breath. And it calms the nervous system. So you can slow things down and see what's going on. Instead of getting caught up here. It's like taking that elevator ride with your breath down from this place of the mind, which is like, looking for problems. You know, the mind is just been trained to look for problems that something to solve, when we dropped from there, into the heart space, like, oh, yeah, look at everything, I have to give much different. So from there, it's like now we can tune into what's what are we feeling? Where's it showing up in our body, and that's giving us clues. So where it shows up in our body is a clue an indicator as to like fits thrown up showing up in the throat space, some energy, some anger, then that is where have we not been expressing something fully or saying our truth or speaking our message. And so then it's like, that specific flavor of energy, whether it's anger, there's a time when you felt that for the first time. And so through this process takes us back to that space, that part of you that was kind of still stuck in that experience, because we didn't have the tools then we weren't taught this in school, how to process these emotions. And so there's a part of us that's kind of stuck. And, and in that there's a re parenting process. It's really beautiful through the inner peace process that allows us to reconnect and essentially bring love support and safety to those parts of us that need it most. And then understand that giving permission to the body to release that, whether it's punch, what it's like tuning into the intelligence, like, how would we like to express this, you know, is it one of the shadowbox for like an hour or want to break something or, you know, whatever that 10 year old or that younger part of us needed then to do this is an opportunity to hold space for that younger version of us and allow for that expression of it. And so then, it's, you know, we moved from that into

noticing that as we begin to recognize the pain or the emotion with that, there's also stories that are raveled in that as well. That younger version of us, made some decisions about ourselves that are then carrying on in our subconscious creating self sabotage behaviors. And that may be like, Oh, I'm not worthy of love. Right? Or I'm not good enough or whatever the story is that was created in that challenging experience. That story will live on and keep playing out until we go to the source of it and really He said, and so, I would go as far as to argue that as an evolving human being one of the greatest skills to have is the ability to identify these negative subconscious beliefs that are no longer true and, and know how to release them, like pull picking weeds from your garden to plant new seeds. And through this process, we do that I guide people through it, and then they can literally witness as their body metabolizes this energy finally, and it's really exciting on the other end of that, because, you know, even when you have a good cry, you know, it's like, after that, you just feel like all that 3d debris, you just finally got to let it like put the weight down. And it feels light and liberating and more free and clear on the other side of that. And that's always available to us. When we feel through this stuff. So it's really amazing. Because when we release those subconscious beliefs, then huge shifts happen in people's lives. I mean, for me, it was like, I was able to call in my queen, and got super clear on, you know, what I wanted in my relationship, and, you know, family, and kid and house and all the things and just like literally, boom, mobile boom, all these dreams just came true, by me, healing, finally healing my abandonment work through this inner peace process. And it was a game changer. And so I was so excited to get to share this with others. And I've just always honored to witness how fast this can shift things in people's lives, from their finances, to their relationships, and harmony within their relationships, and even their health and in preventing and then healing from this ease.

Man, that is beautiful. And I want to just share for everyone listening, I have experienced very many of the same benefits that you talked about in in going into this. And using tools that sounds similar, but I love actually this process that you developed because it's like, oh, all of these things that I sort of had to find along the way. Here they are put together as they're meant to be packaged, I would love to have gone through a process like that, rather than putting it all together myself. So I really am glad that you've that you've done that. And I think what this means, in a large sense for us as dads, is it allows us to see the importance of our children's lives as children, not to raise them to be so called good adults, but to honor them where they are, because this will literally impact their lives forever. And it's impacted yourself as a father, if you just look in to what Charles was saying, you can see, I've seen every single man I've ever talked to if he's willing to go there, as far as I know, will unveil something that's keeping him back. And this starts typically in childhood. So dad's, your responsibility now is not complete and total because your child will live his or her life. But it is still vast. And I think this is a call on fathers to do their work for themselves to find out where the blockages are, so that they don't pass those on to the children and punt that responsibility on to the next generation. I think for me, that's unacceptable. That is the antithesis of fatherhood is punting and giving your kids some more responsibility.

Just on that note, that's what I mentioned earlier about Sophia is my greatest inspiration because she literally every time that I choose, in a moment when I'm triggered, or feeling uncomfortable, I can choose like the mind is BandAids, just gonna go to the fridge and stuff it I'm just gonna go on Netflix and escape from it or just get back to work. Or I can pull out this inner peace process, take it step by step and literally gain the lessons and blessings from it metabolize that release the negative belief patterns that were associated with that. And that's one less generational wound that has to be carried forth to her. So it's super honoring. It's not just healing ourselves. It's it's like ending these self sabotage patterns that have been passed down for so many generations. And, and so it's one of the most honorable things we can do is simply feel and heal so that our children don't have to carry this forth. So appreciate sharing that. Yeah, absolutely.

I mean, I would love to go on for just a few more minutes, because this is good. This is amazing. Man. I really appreciate you. I want to talk a little bit about what I heard. And I mentioned earlier on John's podcast, front row dad's, this feeling more non feeling better. And I think I've sort of got an idea what you're talking about here based on your your story so far. But I would love for you to share this because I have a tendency and therefore I know other men must to want to do things or look at things that only feel good. And I confuse that with being true or serving me. And I have to catch myself regularly. To be like no you You have to trust whatever is true, not whatever just feels good. So can you go into this a little bit and give guys perhaps permission

to go salutely I mean, I mentioned a little bit my evolution, emotionally went from short fuse loose cannon, to super stoic, to full of a body of pain from emotions that I didn't know how to process then. And then in unraveling that, you know, it was like, through that process, there was a point when I would just was like, I'm just going to be captain positivity, I just know how to see the bright side of everything. And so my life is just full on vacation vibration. And, and it literally was for quite a while, but I was limited in this, you know, level of spectrum of emotions, because I wasn't willing to go to the depths of the heavy ones, I was hitting a ceiling of joy of bliss and pleasure. And so that all shifted, when I literally gave myself permission one day just said, instead of always trying to feel better, because I had a million hacks to feeling better in the moment, you know, from breathwork, to cold blenders to, you know, all these ways of instantly feeling better, short term. But I've done all those. And I knew that that was just short lived. So I decided, you know, why don't I instead of trying to feel better, I'm gonna allow myself to feel more. And that's when I started going deeper into the depths of these heavy emotions that I discovered so much gold, it was like, it opened up so much for me and, and broaden that spectrum, like I was able to reach new levels of pleasure, new levels of, you know, bliss and joy that I didn't know were possible. And the irony was by trying to feel better, and limiting, not not going into those uncomfortable emotions, I was missing out on actually feeling better. And so it was like allowing ourselves to feel more can, ultimately, ironically, allow us to feel even better and more free within ourselves and our bodies. And because we're not carrying all this 3d debris,

man that reminds me of, I don't know where to attribute this quote. But it's something like our greatest gifts often grow in the gardens of our deepest wounds. And if you are unwilling to go down there, if you're unwilling to go dip your hand into that pond and to change whatever you dip in there to gold, you know, this is the iron John story, the big, hairy wild man, if you will, you're unable to then alchemize that which is keeping you down negative, whatever stuck. And it's just like, it's so, so important to tell guys this because it's so easy to just want to feel good, because that's what society tells us is right. And I feel as though you almost miss, like half of humanity, if you're just in the positive all the time. And it's hard to understand sometimes, at least for me, that like the human experience is worth it. Regardless of how you're experiencing it. It is just fundamentally on a macro, you know metaphysical level worth it, regardless of how you're perceiving it at this moment, and I don't even know how to get that across any other way. Because it's kind of weird to say, but man, I before we wrap up, I just want to like give you space to share what's real for you what you wish dads would know what you wish, you know, is it down? Like what? What kind of wisdom or insights can can you gift to the men listening who have probably got so much out of this? Yeah, absolutely.

I mean, one we all know, like, the best prerequisite to a good father is is that love that unconditional love and that comes naturally. I mean, I think we all get cracked open to that movie into fatherhood and patience. These are all the things I learned from my daughter. And and play, you know, like, the greatest gift that we can give our loved ones our children is our presence. Like full unconditional presence. That means like, not trying to be with them while we're on scrolling on Instagram and Facebook and all the things like full presence, they feel seen and they feel and then the reward of that is so rich. It's like being able to anchor in these vivid moments and memories in HD so that we can cherish them for a lifetime. I mean, I'll never forget Sophia she had these tooth first two teeth that came in her bottom teeth and it looks like this like bunny teeth you know and and she would say Yeah, and that when I come home and I will never forget that is like always ingrained in my heart those moments and I'll get to share that with her and joke about that when she's like 30, or 40, or whatever, you know, and so that's the advantage, and so many others to just being fully present. And that's where the gold is at anyway, you know, we're, we're trying to balance all the things. But I would say that was the biggest one, give your family, your loved ones, your full presence. And don't forget to share with them how much they mean to you. Because I know, having lost both my parents that, you know, at least with my dad, I got to share everything that was on my heart, I got to let him witness me in an ugly cry at his deathbed. As I just snot falling, tears falling, as a friend of ours, sing the song on the guitar, let it let it flow. And in the depths of that sorrow, like I'd never been giving myself permission to go that deep and being seen in that before. That was like a gift. Because that showed my father how much he means to me. And how those tears were showing how much I'm gonna miss him. And for him to get to witness that was gold, you know, it was like, and ironically, that was the same grief at which he wasn't able to feel and heal. And that's why he was a smoker. And that's why he had lung cancer.

Bro, thank you so much. That was fantastic. And I could you please, before you give exactly where people can find more, outline a little bit more about the breakdown, as you share sort of links and and stuff like that, because I know there's going to be things in the show notes for the listeners to be able to book calls with you. And also, I think there was even a code to get a discount on your program. What exactly do you help people with? And where can they find those things? Because I heard a lot of amazing things from coaching, to please correct me neuro kinetic therapy, to all sorts of other things. So could you give us a quick rundown of what you help men with men and whoever else you help. And

really, I mean, now there's a whole plethora, so it's from like, specifically, helping hardworking professionals with low back pain, heal, and feel through that to unlocking and aligning with their purpose to those that are dealing with some really heavy emotions, generational wounds, and just haven't had the tools to move through that. And going through some challenges in their life, that I help people alchemize like, I just help them remember that they're, they're their own greatest healer. And there are some really powerful tools to moving with more ease and grace through these challenges. And that's where my level of positivity has evolved and carried into now is like, wow, now every time when I get hit with a trigger or a challenge, it's like, cool, this is, this is a deep one, this is a tough one, like there's going to be something amazing on the other end of this. So turning on, you know, what are the what's the easiest and best way through to gain the lessons and blessings and so that's what I get to help others with. We do that through also, laser focus method is a program that's up it's an online training to step into creator consciousness instead of over consuming. This is amazing for helping with addictions, creating your, your own source of those feel good dopamine, neurotransmitters and all the things that we're seeking externally, you can literally self source that. And that's on the path to creating and sharing more of your gifts. And that's really exciting because I've gotten to see so many incredible people get to share their incredible gifts which make a huge ripple effect. And so that and the inner peace process, if any of this resonates with you, I love to connect so you can find me on Instagram, Charles clay dot coach, that's also my website, Charles clay dot coach and just send me a DM if you want to learn more about the inner peace process, just write IPP in a message and I'm happy to give you $200 off of that coaching program. And then you can find the the laser focus method that's already up online and join in on that 20 to 22 right now and that is also in my link in the bio and and then many upcoming, more group trainings as well for freedom from pain, which is a really cool group container. Helping people unravel a lot of pain and improve the relationship with their bodies and get back into alignment with purpose. So it's just exciting then to feel so honored to get to witness so many incredible people I work with doing big things in the world and it's truly a blessing

amazing man thank you so much for sharing that thank you for being here and I'm just super grateful to have got to connect appreciate John recommending you because man he was spot on this has been fantastic. So I will drop all of those links and information in the show notes at Dad.Work slash podcast if you want to learn more, and Charles man thank you so much. I hope we get to stay connect absolutely

brother. I appreciate you and everything you're sharing and it's always fun to co create so thanks for having me on

Curt Storring 55:37

that's it for this episode. Thank you so much for listening. It means the world to find out more about everything that we talked about in the episode today, including shownotes resources and links to subscribe leave a review work with us go to dad dot work slash pod that's di d.wo RK slash pod type that into your browser just like a normal URL Dad.Work slash pod to find everything there you need to become a better man, a better partner and a better father. Thanks again for listening and we'll see you next time.

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