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My guest today is Dan Go.
We go deep talking about:
- Dan’s incredibly self-aware and vulnerable journey through fatherhood, including the strengths and hidden curses brought to the surface by our kids,
- How to do the deep inner work to process, heal, and grow as a man and father,
- How our biggest strengths are usually the flip side of our biggest wounds, and how to navigate that dichotomy mindfully,
- Processing wounds from the way you were raised, and finding forgiveness and gratitude for your parents,
- Dan’s experience with Psychedelic Therapy,
- Inner child work,
- Why getting in shape is the single most important thing you can do to improve every aspect of your life,
- The real reason it’s so hard to get and stay in shape, and
- Dan’s 80/20 principles of fitness for busy dads
Dan Go is the #1 Body Transformation Coach to Entrepreneurs. He’s a father, husband, and the founder of High Performance Founder, an online fitness coaching service for entrepreneurs
Find Dan online at:
Curt Storring 0:00
Welcome to the Dad.Work podcast. My name is Curt Storring, your host and the founder of Dad.Work. My guest today is Dan Go, Dan and I go deep talking about Dan's incredible, self aware and vulnerable journey through fatherhood, including the strengths and hidden curses brought to the surface by our kids, how to do the deep inner work to process heal and grow as a man and Father, how our biggest strengths are usually the flip side of our biggest wounds, and how to navigate the dichotomy, mindfully. Processing wounds from the way you were raised, and finding forgiveness and gratitude for your parents. Dan's experience with psychedelic therapy, inner child work, why getting in shape is the single most important thing you can do to improve every aspect of your life. The real reason it's so hard to get in and stay in shape. And Dan's at 20 principles for fitness for busy dads, Dan Go is the number one body transformation coach to entrepreneurs. He's a father, husband and the founder of high performance founder, an online fitness coaching crew service for entrepreneurs. You can find Dan online at highperformancefounder.com, on Twitter @fitfounder, and on Instagram @danfounder. Now, guys, I thought this was going to be a quick overview of Dan's fatherhood journey. And then we're going to dive deep into the fitness stuff because I know Dan is an expert, he has completely transformed himself and so many of his clients that are high performing entrepreneurs. And so I was like, oh, man, we're just going to get the goods from Dan here today. And we did. But we got so much more. This is a fantastic conversation, I was blown away by the depths to which Dan was able to go, just outlining his own journey and some of the healing modalities he has used to get better as a father to improve as a man, and just to show up even better in his life. So this one is just a fantastic conversation. And at the end, of course, for the last 20 or 30 minutes, we talk about fitness, and why it's so hard to get in shape. And this is so much further along than just physical stuff. But we go into psychological reasons, traumas, wounds, all that kind of stuff that might stop men from getting and staying in shape. And yeah, quick list of the most impactful fundamental principles you can use as a busy dad to stay in shape. Now, two questions for you. One, would you like to help get this podcast in the hands of more men? If so, please, on Apple podcasts, scroll down to the bottom of the podcast app when you're on the Dad.Work podcast, hit ratings and reviews and leave us review. It takes literally 30 seconds. And if you've got even one thing from listening to this podcast, I would highly, highly appreciate it if you're able to go there. And leave us a review. The second question is would you like to become a better man, partner and father in just 14 days for free. If you would, please make sure you sign up for our free 14 day better man better dad email series at Dad dot work on the homepage of our website, go to your browser type in dad dot work, you can do that right now. If you're in the podcast app, just go over to the browser, go to dad dot work. And then on the front page, there's a place to put your name and your email, all you have to do is put your details in there and I will send you 14 days full of my biggest tips, the things that helped me transform my life into a confident and calm leader of my family. These are the best, these are the most fundamental things I did. These are all the practices and tools that I think will help you. And I'll send them into your inbox for free. That's all this is an excellent conversation. Thank you, Dan, so much for showing up and going so deep. With all that being said, Here is the conversation for the Dad.Work podcast with Dan Go.
Dan Go, welcome to the Dad.Work Podcast. I am pumped to have you man. And I would love to hear what's going on in your life as a father and a businessman. So yeah, man, thank you. And welcome.
Dan Go 3:46
Thank you so much for having me on. I appreciate it. And Curtis you and I go way back. We've had a lot of conversations, actually, this is before my daughter was born that we had conversations around how you were raising your kids. And I was using that a lot as I guess you could say feedback and just tips on how to kind of relate myself to my daughter. So yeah, I'm glad that we're coming full circle right now.
Curt Storring 4:08
Yeah. And I would love to go there. Like I know, we talked like you said before she was born and what has that been like and you are one of the ones who I saw do good work in terms of being conscious about what that's gonna look like how to show up doing the like back work to make sure that you show up in a way that's not like, oh my god, this is inertia and I don't know what to do and I'm going crazy. So what has your journey looked like? Was it a smooth transition for you?
Dan Go 4:35
I don't nothing's ever a smooth transition when you're going through such a big change like this i Unless Unless people are just completely lying to me, but I just didn't see this as a I would I would not necessarily call it smooth. I would call it joyous and stressful joyous if that makes any sense. So why One of the things I realized as I was raising my daughter, which is funny, because it's just, it's come back to a lot of how you were raised as a kid. And things I realized is that I have this like, certain subset, from decades ago of how a kid was raised back in like the 80s, back in the 70s, or back in actually the 80s and 90s. And I'm bringing it to this modern world and this modern lifestyle, and they realize that, hey, guess what, a lot of the stuff that was happening back then you can't do that now. And we know better. And I've actually come across a lot of my own strengths and a lot of my own curses as a result of raising my daughter, and things I have not been necessarily privy to, until I've been in these situations, where you're tired. You're, you're lacking patience, and and just the innate emotions come out. So I mean, that is that is kind of like, the deeper side of things. But overall, the process of being able to raise my daughter has been the most incredible experience I've ever had in my entire life. And I used to be a guy that, that always wondered is like, should I have kids? Should I not have kids? I don't know. I don't know, if I if I feel like I'm ready. I don't know if I really want one. And then, ever since we've had our daughter Cola, it's, I'm like wondering and looking at life and being like, holy crap, I would not want to live life without knowing this experience. So it's been it's been a huge change. It hasn't been really smooth, but it's been incredible.
Curt Storring 6:48
Yeah, do you guys want more?
Dan Go 6:51
Uh, we are in the process of talking about it. And I want to make sure that everyone is on board for this decision. So it's not just me, it's not just my wife is actually my daughter too, and what is going to be best for her future. So we realize that, you know, right now, we're just still in the thick of things like my wife is like 24/7 with CoA. And she is not of the mind to even think about this right now. You know, like, she's still like, 24/7. With her, she's still putting her to sleep. She's still taking her nap. She's still breastfeeding her. So, for me personally, when I think about having another kid, it's not something that I take lightly at all. It's a it's a huge major decision. And, and what I want one, I'm going to tell you right now, I don't know, man, but I think it would be beneficial for for cola. And I think that she would have like the fact that she would have family other than us, you know, whenever we pass. That would be amazing. But, but again, it has to be a decision that all three of us are very confident in making. And we'll get there sometime we'll figure it out.
Curt Storring 8:05
Yeah, no, that's a very mindful, conscientious way to do that, which again, is kind of like how you approach parenting in the first place. When you talk about, you know, the curses and the strengths that your child brought up, and you what were some of those things that you found that were sort of maybe triggers because for me, like my kids were the biggest teachers, I would not have been able to do any of this healing and growth work, were it not for me, seeing my shadow side come out in them. So can you talk about some of those things that you're like, Man, I didn't even know that was there. And then Lord, how you've navigated that,
Dan Go 8:40
so. So you guys know me, and we're part of the same entrepreneurial circles. And I guess, like people would perceive me to be a pretty happy, jovial guy, right? But when, when coke came out, and me and my wife are figuring out our way and trying to raise her to be the best girl that she can be. You're right, a lot of those shadow sides of myself came up. And one of the shadow sides of myself was anger. And this is actually something I I talked with a lot with, not only therapists, but but also people that would do like profiles on me. They're like, you're an angry guy. And I'm just like, What are you talking about? I am like the best guy ever. And then they would explain to me it's like, no, you have a very, you may not show it outwardly but there is somewhat of an angry disposition towards that just sometimes the way that you go about getting success in business and sometimes the way in which you go about trying to get what you want and and have things done in your own particular way. So every single strength that you have is going to be an equal amount of a curse. So, for me, anger was actually one of these energies that I use to really push myself forward, and to really push my business forward and to be, quote unquote, successful. And that came out in the sense of like things like, Oh, you're not going to tell me that I can do this, I'm gonna fucking do it. All right, and I am going to show you, and thank you for adding logs into my fire. Thank you so much. That's how it would come out. And in the business sense, that's great. That's good motivation, you know, sometimes, but when it comes to parenting, that doesn't work, man, you know, it does, it does not work and I can't be angry at I think is I never really I never like relay my anger to, to my daughter. Because she's like a baby, she's not going to get it, it's not going to understand. But this comes out in the way that sometimes like, I may react to my wife. And like, aside from anger, you realize so much of these things that you did to protect yourself, and the ways in which you reacted emotionally to protect yourself. And these did not come. I was not aware of these things until I had CoA, until I started reacting to them in these particular ways. So I found that with even myself, like, I have this like avoidant attachment style, right? Where it's like, if something happens, that's wrong, or someone wrongs me, I have this tendency that I've learned from my parents and from the way I was raised, and the way that love was passed around in my own family, that, hey, if you don't do what I like, I'm going to avoid you. And I'm going to just just cut my love off away from you, you know, it, I'll show you right. And, and honestly, like, that's good if you really want to manipulate people to do the things that you want them to do by taking away your love from them. And, and the thing is, is I would not be aware of this reality, unless I saw myself reacting in such a way towards my own care. And the thing about it is, is that you react this way towards like, more so the people that you care about most and then complete strangers, because you're so comfortable with them. Right? So. So yeah, I would say that generational curses came up as a result of raising my daughter, and I'm so thankful for them. Because it allows me to go in and be able to heal that part, be able to be aware of that part, be able to go back into that part, and be able to see exactly what happened, why it happened, and why did I start reacting this way? And to actually start doing the work to heal and to fix it? Right? Yeah,
Curt Storring 13:08
what does some of that healing work look like for you?
Dan Go 13:11
Education is number one, I'm educating myself about attachment styles. That's number one, and how attachment styles actually relate back to my daughter, and how the ways in which I react right now towards my daughter, are the ways in which she is going to eventually be able to see love. Eventually, when she turns into an adult, so number one was just like education. Why am I like, why am I feeling this way? And where did this come from? And being curious about it. And along with that, was therapy, a lot of its therapy, a lot of it's journaling? A lot of it is a lot of is just like asking myself why? As many times as humanly possible. Right? Yeah, I do that. Until you get to the root of why of what is happening because like, you know, we feel these things, and we feel these emotions. The first like thing that we would usually do as humans is to be like, That person made me feel this way why that person triggered me or whatever it is, or that thing triggered me. When the reality is, is that emotions are more so signals. So definitely, I actually feel like journaling to myself has been one of the biggest. What has been one of the biggest spotlights of awareness I've ever brought into my own life. And it is the asking of why it is the asking, Okay, so why do I feel this way? What made me feel this way? Okay, so why would I react in this way towards that particular situation? And just keep on asking myself this question, until I get to the root of like, where it happened, why it happened. I've even done things like Hypnotherapy, to get over some of these, some of these, I guess you could say, you know, negative aspects of my personality. Now the thing is like I call it a negative aspect of my personality, but the reality is, is that it's a strength. And it is a way, like it's something that I'm doing. That's giving me a benefit. Right? And if I wasn't, if it wasn't giving me a benefit, then I wouldn't be doing it. So it is also the reframing and reframing of like, the way in which you do things, and also reframing of like yourself and how you see yourself and your perception of self. So yeah, I mean, everything. Yeah, as bad things as possible.
Curt Storring 15:41
That sounds so much like my own journey, man. And the things you're saying the things you're talking about. It's just like, oh, man, you could be doing, you know, this podcast, because like, these are all the important points. These are like, secure attachment and asking why and like going deep. And I love what you said about that reframe, between this being like our worst curse, but actually a strength. So on the one hand, it's a strength because it stops you from feeling the negative emotion that you don't want to feel, which is from childhood, we've developed these ego defense mechanisms. But on the other hand, like the strength, like you said, you became, you know, highly successful entrepreneur. And, like, similar for me, like I, I went so hard to prove myself to prove to somebody that I could do this, that maybe I would get love, if I like made enough money, or had a big enough business, and like, somebody just noticed me. So like, in many ways, like I have a great life because of that. And that's like, my core wound, like somebody just does me and love me, right. So like, there is this huge field of like, ask why ask why ask why around your biggest strength? Like maybe use that, guys, if you're listening, like journal around your biggest strength? And also like, what are the negative consequences of that? Because for me, it was like anger as well. Just like, yeah, hard charging, and never available to like, sit down and chill. So yeah, does anything else come up on that?
Dan Go 16:58
Yeah, it is. The thing is, is that we have developed these strengths out of like, just protecting ourselves from when we are we're children. And along with that comes the relationship that we've had with our own parents. So it is very easy for us to resent the way that we were raised, it's very easy for us to resent the people that raised us in the way that they raised us, when the reality is, is that they were taught a very specific way from their parents. And they didn't have like the tools that we had to heal ourselves, to make ourselves better to understand why we did the things that we did. And even right now, we are still working with like primitive tools. We're not at the pinnacle of like mental health right now. We're actually probably supremely away from that right now. But one of the things that we have to understand is that, yes, we learned this through the people that we loved. And at the same time, we also have to, I mean, forgive them. And we have to not, we have to do everything that we can to not carry that resentment to how we were raised along with us in life. Because that in and of itself, is just a lack of understanding. You know, like, I'll throw something out there. Like, when I was a kid, I used to get punished, I used to get been, right. And at the time 1980s, that was normal. It was actually normal for you to get beat when you're when at the teachers, like when you're at the public school, your teacher would slap your hand or whatever, that was actually normal stuff. Right? That was a standard back then. But, and then from me getting punished. And for me getting beat, you know, I developed these protective mechanisms, which actually helped enhance my success and enhance what I do today. And like you said, it's left me with some very deep wounds of of just why with this person that loves me so much. Treat me in such a way when the reality is is this it's like, they only did what they were taught. They only did what they knew. And they probably improved a lot from when they right from there. Yeah, they probably got beat like every day and stuff game be like every month or something like that, you know, but they are the they did improve. And they did their best to improve and literally they're just working with what they got. So I think one of the things that we have to understand on this journey is just like hey, like forgive your parents. They did the best with what they had forgive your brothers could forgive your sisters. They did what they thought was right for them. And they didn't do it maliciously. That's that's literally what they were taught as kids. So can't hold anything against people that that race you.
Curt Storring 19:55
Yeah, that's right. eautiful point. Yeah, try not exactly. It's a very challenging thing to Forgive after that resentment, because we have to remember, just as we have wounds from our parents, they have wounds from theirs. And like you said they probably even worse. And nobody was talking about this stuff. Nobody was doing the self help thing on Instagram or whatever. Like, they were just alone and hurting and going like, well, I guess this is life? And are you willing to go into that just a little bit more on your forgiveness journey? Because for me, I went through like a lot of anger and resentment and like, how could you and it took a lot for me to finally see my father, for example, as just a man as a man who struggled as a man who didn't know what was going on in his man who hurt and and from that, realizing that the pain that I was caused, actually led to my biggest gifts, and that my father was actually a mortal man. Those were two of the things that allowed me to forgive, and then to be grateful for what I did have. So did you have something similar? How did that go for you to actually get to forgiveness? Because man, that's
Dan Go 20:54
a, you may or may not like this answer, but I'm gonna fuckin say it anyways. I did. I did cycle. I did psychedelic therapy. I love that with MDMA. Okay, yeah. And I did it because there was just so much slaw. Slug is so much like tar from the past that. I mean, like, I went to therapy sessions, but they would just make me cry. And that didn't feel like anything was being fucking resolved, right. Like, I still had resentment, I still had all this kind of stuff. And I chose to do psychedelic therapy. And I had no qualms against it whatsoever. Because of the fact that when I was a kid, I used to take drugs, you know, all the time to deal with this shit, to actually deal with the way that was being raised. I actually do think that was a black sheep with a family because I used drugs as a way to cope with the way that with my family environment and the way that was being raised. So things like I would take I was taking mushrooms, I was going to raves, I was taking ecstasy, MDMA, all this kind of stuff. But more so that was just like a protective mechanisms is a Forget about all that stuff. But the The side benefit of all that was, I actually got to go deeper into myself in very, like miniscule ways, and allowed to see the world in a very different place. So so I decided to do psychedelic therapy. And they propose that, hey, psychedelic therapy is I can't get seven years of therapy done in six hours. Yeah, who couldn't believe love that? Yeah. Like, who couldn't love that kind of like, I guess you say that benefit, you know, the benefit features. So I decided to do it. And, and I went to one therapy session for so I went to another therapy session. And then we did enough intake where they felt that they were comfortable with me going and going under and doing psychedelic therapy. So when I was underneath the, I guess, you could say the influence of MDMA. And the thing about MDMA is, is that it's a compassionate drug, it is a drug that makes you that doesn't, it can help you look at things in a way where you're looking at them with a source of compassion and love, rather than the source of just like energy and like energy, whether it's angry, whether it's like, whether it's resentment, or whatever, you basically just look at every single situation in your past that you're seeing as a, in a compassionate perception. So while I was under psychedelic therapy, I realized that there were so many things that I was holding, in that I didn't even realize were in my subconscious in the first place. So one of them was my mom passed when I was 24 years old. And she was actually like, she was like, the, the catalyst because before then I was like, this loser drop out, going nowhere in life. And then she passed away. I was like, oh, fuck, this is life. I better do something about it. And I was able to actually turn that grief into a lot of motivation. And then to pushing myself from Ground Zero to to man, maybe even the work that I am right now. But during that process, I realized that I had not let her go. And I remember like in my in, like I say, my therapy session, I was walking with her in the hallways of the hospital that she had passed away in, crying my eyes out. And it was a problem. of allowing her to be released back into the light, and being able to let go of this attachment that I had towards like the idea of who she was, and allowing her to, to live in peace knowing that I am going to be okay. And then that was one of the aspects that I was, I definitely did not
do enough work around. Because I just I basically used being busy and pushing my own self success as a way to overcome this grief of losing her. And it didn't become apparent to me until until she popped up inside of my inside of my session. And the other aspect was, there's actually three important ones. That was the first one. The second one was about my dad. And like I said, like, we I came from a very dysfunctional family. And everyone says, Yeah, every family's dysfunctional is like no motherfucker, like mine was dysfunctional. Like that. Like, I don't, I'm not going to say every intimate detail of my family, but we were very dysfunctional. It was a very hard childhood. And I remember thinking back to my dad, and thinking back to the way that he treated me. And then I remember looking at it and being like, what did they do to you? Who did this to you? To make you do this? And to make you like this? What what did they teach you? What did you learn from them, and then they can to the, to the, to the understanding that we're all taught, we all have, like, we're all taught with like, specific tools. And he just wasn't taught with these tools that that I have right now. He didn't have psychedelic therapy. He didn't have drugs, you know, he had alcohol and cigarettes, you know. So he was taught in a very specific way on how to raise a kid. And I'm damn sure that he improved on that a lot. And I'm damn sure that he didn't, he definitely made sure that he was a better dad than his parents could ever be parents to him. And in that, respect him for that now, because I understand that we're all taught differently. We're all set up with different tools. And we can't hold resentment towards people for the tools that they never learned in the first place. Which makes me feel not pity for him, but just makes me feel sad. I wish that he could do psychedelic therapy, and I wish that he was open to it. And, you know, wish you'd go back and deal with the stuff that he was dealing with. Like, if we're talking about my trauma, like, how much fucking traumas he deal is he actually holding on to right now? That he's just been numbing, you know. And then the last part was, the final big discovery was this inner child inside of me, which was this guy who was like, seven or eight years old, I fuckin like, I saw him. And he was scared. He was like, so fucking scared. And there's just like, this dude, that was inside of me this ball of light, you know. And the thing is, is that that was the time that I realized that a lot of this stuff, a lot of the ways in what in which I react to anything, is because this guy wants to protect himself. Because this guy, he just wants the world to feel like it's a it's a fucking comfortable place. So that is the reason why we react in such ways as a reason why we carry these burdens with us is a reason why I carry this anger with me. It's to protect me. It's to make myself feel like I am loved and protected. And then I remember going in, there was this amazing, Assistant psychotherapist that was there. And I remember saying to her, I was like, dude, not dude. I was like, I see. I see this, like, I see myself like seven or eight years old, just in a ball, certainly, in the ball, just like crying. Issues like what do you want to do with him? I was like, I just want to hug him. You know, just want to hug him and make them feel and make him and let him know that everything's gonna be okay. So like, do you want to go do that? I was like, Yes, I'm gonna go do that is me in this like state, you know? So I ended up doing that. And then he feels incredibly uncomfortable. He's just like, No, I don't think so. I don't feel comfortable with that. And then I remember having conversation. I'm like, okay, cool. Don't worry, I'm just, I'm gonna be here. Whenever you're ready, or if you're ever ready, I'm just gonna be here. Okay? Don't worry. It's alerting me talking to my, like, 78 year old self. And I had to look back. After this session, I had to actually look back and go like, what the fuck just happened, right?
I was like, what just happened? Anyway, so she's like, okay, cool. And then. And then I was like, I think it's, I think he's comfortable. I think this is time. So I ended up like, hugging him hugging this, like 78 year old ball of light into me. And I don't know how to explain it other than the fact that I feel like I've just like, integrated him into my soul and conscious, conscious being. And that was like the most trippiest thing ever, you know, like, I've I've had hallucinations before I've I've gone through some pretty crazy stuff. But like, it made me realize that we all have this like little inner child that's inside of us. And this child is either like super joyous, bound, boundless. And he's just like OFAC, let's go, you know, let's let's crush it. Or he's the type of child that wants to protect you. And he wants to make sure everything is going to be okay. And we're going to have to protect ourselves in any way possible. And this is where the strengths and weakness this is actually where the strengths and curses come from. Dan, I'm going to make you super angry. Or we're going to be super angry, we're going to take everything that anyone has ever said about you. And we're going to use it as fuel. And we're gonna fucking crush it. Right. And that is a strength. And yet at the same time, it's a curse because it makes me push people away from me. And it makes me avoidant. And it makes me take umbrage, a lot easier than then I would like to be on this. So overall, I took that therapy session, I had about like, four, I think I had like six hours of just like, me just spitting out into a voice recorder. I remember the next day I went back, I typed up everything, like transcribed everything, like literally took like five hours to transcribe everything. And I looked at it, I'm just like, holy shit. This is what I'm working with right now. And it was amazing.
Curt Storring 32:44
Has that been durable for you? Like is that given you things that have lasted to today in terms of your understanding, and like your groundedness with everything that's happened?
Dan Go 32:54
It's given me a lot better, like empathy for other people, that's for sure. Right? Like, everyone looks like, you know, Curtis, when I saw you, and I didn't know your past, before I looked at you, I was like, Look at this fucking confident as motherfucker right here has everything going for him. It's fucking like, you know, attractive as fuck, and all this kind of stuff. And I was like, damn, this guy's got it going, right. But the reality is, is that like, it's made me realize that there there is a lot of like, hurt in people that the that no one wants to show that no one wants anyone else to be aware of, because they want to protect it for themselves. And they have the shadow side that that they don't want others to see, which can actually be the greatest source of growth in their lives, have they given enough chances to? So it's given me a lot more empathy for for them. And it's given me a lot more empathy for myself. Like, oh, fuck, you know, you reacted in this way you got angry? Hey, look, no one's gonna be perfect man. And this is going to be a process in which we are going to do everything in our power to improve upon, you know, just a little bit every single day. So give yourself grace, give myself grace, and be okay with going along that journey and understanding that it's not going to be nothing's gonna ever happen overnight. But you can see small little incremental improvements. So it's just being more patient with others and being more patient with myself.
Curt Storring 34:23
Hmm, yeah. And I, the inner child thing, man, it might sound crazy if you haven't gone there before. But I'm just like, Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about. I know exactly how it feels to like, integrate that Shin. And the thing that I came away with my inner child work and it's ongoing, like, I think having a relationship with your inner child is very important. Journaling is a great way to do that. But for me, I thought like I have become the man that I needed as a child and that's why my inner child now comes to me and hugs me and knows that I'm there for him. And like, that was a shift in my life. When I became that man, when I was no longer scared of who I was. or mistrusting of who I was. So yeah, like if this is the first time in your listening that you have heard of inner child work, man, like do some research, Google some stuff. There's a great book on healing abandonment, I'm blanking on the name right now. But in the show notes that talks about meditations and journaling on this, and man, like, I was expecting to get, like a little bit of an overview, go into fitness and like, be done with it. And I was like, Holy shit, like, this has gotten so much better and so much deeper. And I'm just like, so grateful that you have gone here, and that you've shown up vulnerably, because this is important share that people need to hear understanding what can be done when you feel like this. Oh, thank you, man.
Dan Go 35:39
I appreciate it. And thank you for saying that, acknowledging it. And we've all had parents, man, all of us, I've had parents. All I've only known maybe like one or two people that have told me like, yeah, my, my, my if I can, like, you know, like childhood was like, amazing. You know, it was great. And I actually trusted them that they were actually telling the truth. But, but we have to understand that no, not everything is perfect. And even you and I understand that, that we're gonna fuck up some way, somehow, we're not going to have the tools that your your kids are going to have, or my daughter is going to have and, and so, you know, it's like, it's amazing. And that's cool. And that's amazing, actually, because it just means that the journey never ends, it just means that there's always something to improve upon, means that there's always something, there's always some way in which we can get better. So I'm excited with that. I'm excited for that. And if anyone's listening to this podcast, and you have like some sort of like, you know, resentment towards your parents, I really hope this like helps, at least, like give you an idea of what or give you some more empathy or towards what they were going through. Because I'll tell you right now, like my dad came from the Philippines, and Asian culture is literally beat your kids into submission. That is what the culture is, or that was what the culture was back then. So you would get it at school, like you will literally get beaten that school from your teachers. And then you will literally get beaten that school from your parents. And not even because you did something wrong, it's because it's because you just were and maybe that your parent was angry there in that day. And just like, while they take it out on you. So actually, this is one of the things I'm going to be doing. And I'm going to be taking my dad on the podcast, and I'm going to be going through our past history, maybe not going through the way that he was raised, depending on how deep he wants to get. But I wanted to just do this so our family could get an idea of what his life was like, living and growing up in the Philippines. Yeah. And I saw my idea, I got this from a guy who wish he did this with his dad before his dad passed away. So you know, if you can do anything like that with your own dad, and get a deeper understanding, because if we think about our parents, how much do we really know about our parents? Right? Like, how much do they tell us? Because you know, as as us as, as us as parents, we don't tell our kids everything. We don't want to we don't want to scare them, you know, with all the shit that's going on in the world. Right? So. So yeah, like, have some empathy for your parents man. And, and understand that, that they tried their fucking best, even though they may have not seemed like they were, but they were trying their best? Well, that's
Curt Storring 38:35
the important point, I think is that like, we're all doing our best. Like, when we fuck up, we're still doing our best. We just don't know how to do any better in that moment. And so like, yeah, have some empathy on that. I'm super excited for that podcast with your dad. My dad died when I was like 2425. And I would love to have done that. I'm going to try and get my granddad on to do this podcast, though. Because I sit with him bi weekly. And we have these like meetings, we have a cigar and some wine. And we just talk and to get that wisdom and like really share that man. Oh, I can't wait to do that. So keep me informed with that. I can't wait to hear it. One last thing on sort of parenting before we get into fitness because I know people are gonna want to hear about that. Do you have any like guiding principles that you are just like, no matter what, I want to hit this for my daughter, whether it's like empathy, or like showing up for her so that she feels resilient? Like, do you have any parenting principles that you and your wife or maybe just you yourself? Try to hold yourself to? Yes.
Dan Go 39:29
One of them is going to be presence. That's number 1234567. presence in love. It's like simple things. Doctor comes up to you or kid comes up to you put your phone down, look in their eyes, get down to their level and listen. Give them your presence. Give them your presence more than presence, if that makes any sense. Right? Totally. So that is what I strive to give my daughter as much as humanly possible. And I want her to To know that she is always going to be loved, I want her to know that she's always going to have my attention, no matter what. And I want her to know that I am always going to be in her corner unconditionally, regardless of whatever happens. That's what I want for my daughter, and anything that she accomplishes after that, great. She's amazing. But first and foremost, want to make sure that she has my presence in my love, and my unconditional love. The next thing that, you know, I hope to instill in her and this could be a good segue is just like I want her to, well, I want to be the best example of what being healthy should actually look like, from both a physical and the mental standpoint, I want her to be able to see, you know, myself, like working out eating great food learning, you know, and journaling, writing to myself, and just doing whatever I can possible to, to live up to the principles I have, when it comes to my own health. I truly feel that like, as a parent, I am the number one example for how my daughter is going to treat her body look at her body and feel about her body. Right. And, to me, health is number one, if you don't have that shit, none of the other shit matters. And if you don't have your health, guess what dealing with emotions, it's going to be a lot fucking harder, man, a lot fucking harder. Like, you're not going to get rid of your problems by getting into shape. But you're going to make your problems a little bit easier to deal with. Right? So I have this thing, it's like, there's this whole aspect in the world right now, which is like, Hey, man, like being obese is is is healthy, right? To which I say no, fuck that it is not healthy. You're here, okay. And the thing is, is that we have to like the exercise, you put your body through the way that in which you exercise your body, the way in which you move is going to have a direct correlation to your mood, and to your decision making capabilities, right, the food that you're putting into your body, same thing is going to have a direct effect on your mood, it's going to have a direct effect on how you process your emotion is going to have a direct effect on your decision making capabilities. So coming from an entrepreneur standpoint, decision making is number one, two, and three of how we make money, right, we have to make the big decisions. And the other aspect is emotional control. You can't control like, it's gonna be hard as fuck to control your emotions. If your body is out of peace, if your body's screaming at you saying, take care of me, please, but you're not heeding the call. So what is going to happen is that your emotions, your mood, your ability to make proper decisions, it's going to get hampered. So my whole thing is, is that everything comes from good health, first, love and good health. So there's two things I want to get my daughter is going to be my complete presence and love. And it's going to be health, it's going to be understanding how to take care of your body being the example for that.
Curt Storring 43:28
That's perfect, man. And thank you for giving that sort of consequences from the health piece because my thing was going to be like, Okay, well, how do we get dads to pay attention. And I don't know about you, like, I don't know if you've been fit your whole life. But when I, I don't know, five, six years ago when I like sort of dialed it in. And like I'm not jacked or anything like that. But I feel great. Like every day, like every single day, unless I'm like a little bit sick or something which happens very rarely. Now, the difference between feeling like a and feeling just like I am on fire, every time I wake up, I am ready to go is like life changing. And my whole life has been more clear. And everything has been better. And so like, let's go to the question that you asked in your podcast on fatherhood, it was you asked dads, whether they'd be willing to die for their children. Do you want to go through that? Because I think that will help motivate some people with what we're going to talk about next.
Dan Go 44:18
Fuck, I love this one. So every time I ask a Dad, are you willing to die for your children? 100% of them? Yes. I mean, actually in guys specifically. We are first and foremost the frontline guys, like if they're like for us, we will trade our lives for our family. Right? That is how serious we are about our families. So then to which I asked a follow up question, and the follow up question is okay, so are you willing to be healthy for them? And then this triggers a lot of motherfuckers out there. Because like, oh God like that hurt man. Like I have actually had people say to me, I was like, oh shit, that actually really hurt me. And then I and then I tell them every single time it's like, yeah, well the truth is supposed to be like that. Right? Like lies comfort, the truth hurts. So if you are willing to, I mean, like, the thing is, is that the aspect of giving up your life for your kid is easy. It's actually easy. Because the only sacrifice that you have to make is you. And basically, you'll throw yourself in front of that train, you throw yourself in front of that car, Okay, fuck, I'm good. If my kid lives. The aspect of getting yourself healthy, that requires some fucking effort that requires some fucking change that requires you to transform not only the way that you look, the way that you feel, but the way that you think. Right, and you're making this, you actually said like, hey, five, six years ago, I really doubt things in and now here you are, right? I have a client, who basically, he's basically dropped like 30, like 35 pounds, he has this healthy lifestyle, he's exercising every single day. And he's eating the right foods. He actually is eating like a really healthy diet. He says to me every single time Dan, I wish people could feel what my body feels like, what the inside of my body feels like. And, and I look at a lot of guys who don't take care of their health as, as having this have as having this almost like, acceptance of pain. Right? It's the it's like, okay, I have low back pain. Okay, cool. I'm just gonna have to deal with this for the rest of my life. Oh, I had knee pain. I'm just gonna deal with this for the rest of my life. Oh, I can't see my dick. You know, like, because my belly sticking out. I'm just gonna have to deal with this for the rest of my life is a pain that I'm what I'm actually willing to deal with or want. I don't know about willing. But there they are. A basically are subjecting themselves to dealing with it. It's like this macho burden. It's like a macho. Yeah, exactly. It's a macho burden. And then they get cynical and sarcastic with it. And the more you actually get someone cynical and sarcastic about their own health, that to me is like the biggest fucking red flag, it's the biggest red flag or you guys see me through this belly like dude, like no like that is that that is not the standard that you should be setting for your kids and your wife, or your or your partner. So the aspect of getting healthy for your kids is, is something that every guy would be like, of course, I would. Well, I mean, like, let's look at your actions. Let's look at the way that you're living life right now. Does this particular agreement that you're willing to do anything to be healthy for your kids actually stand out? Is it actually true and I have this thing, men lie, women lie actions don't lie. Like, I don't care what the fuck anyone says, I will just look at what you do. I will look at how you spend your time, I will look at what you're putting into your body, I will look at every single aspect. And then you basically if these aspects, don't line up with what you said, you're living incongruent with yourself, you're living out of integrity with yourself, or you're just trying to tell yourself a really nice story, to make yourself feel better. When the reality is, you don't even believe any of that I can shit, right? And they get very like, driven and they get very kind of like, kind of just, I guess, not, I wouldn't say emotional, but hyped up around this, because of the fact that I know for a fact, I know 100% That when you do the things and when you actually start transforming your body, when you start losing weight, when you start getting back into the shape that you feel like you deserve in it literally has a meta effect on the rest of your entire life. So I look at life from the stage of three aspects of things, health, wealth, relationships, right? And then me relationships towards yourself towards others. But it's this triangle that I'm always focused on. There is no other
result that you can actually do for your life. That will make all three of these things in the triangle better as a result of doing it, you make a million dollars, no, it's not going to make you get in shape. Like it is not going to make you get in shape. You can throw as much money as you want as at this fucking problem. It is not going to make you lose fat unless you go liposuction. But then the even when you do that, you're not necessarily learning what it takes to actually keep your body healthy in the first place. So you kind of fucking yourself over in the first place. It's gonna make your it's gonna make your wealth better, because number one, you have better mood, you have more energy, you're more confident, and you also are able to make better decisions. You're clear you have no brain fog anymore. You can make these decisions and make these high quality decisions that will change the course of your life. So the next one is going to be relationships. How do you think you are going to show up? When you're feeling more energy? By the time you get home? You know, after you're done work? How do you think you're going to show up to your wife? When you're able to get erections again in the morning? How do you think you're going to be showing up to yourself, when you actually prove the very shit that you're trying to prove to yourself and doing what you say that you're going to do in the first place? I look at this as like a holistic thing, in which there is no downside to getting in shape. I have never seen anyone regret getting their bodies in shape and doing the things that they need to to get their bodies in shape. And it is supremely easy and simple. I agree. He said, like, Yeah, so like, you make things sound so simple, yet not easy. And that's the truth. You know, that's the truth. And the thing is, is that to get in shape, it actually comes with a boring, it actually comes with being consistent with the boring, mundane stuff. And then actually, that's kind of like the way that businesses a little bit too, but you have to be consistent with the boring and mundane. And you have to understand that we are living in modern times, we may have, we actually are living in modern times, with a prehistoric brain in prehistoric bodies. Right? Yes. So there's this thing that I tell my clients all the time, and all of them are high achieving entrepreneurs, they make a lot of money, they're crushing it in business. And, and I always, and I always say this to them, you know, when it comes to the way in which they're treating their bodies, and I'm just like, Well, dude, you know, you tell me, you know, what? How long have you been dealing with this problem, you know, in your life, you know, being out of shape? And then I asked him, Okay, so in what ways does this inhibit the way that you like to show up as a man and your full potential? And then that just asked him, Okay, well, what are just three things that you're willing to do to make it better? You just have to do three. You don't have to do like, 10 you don't have to do like, I think like the whole case of like the entrepreneurs, they try to look for the most complicated solution towards, towards, like, their biggest problems when the reality is pretty fucking simple. You know, so it's like this. It's okay, a three to four meals a day. 90% of your foods that you eat are going to be coming from whole nutrient dense sources, Whole Foods. Anything that your great grandfather would not eat. You're not going to put into your body. And actually, something super like cool about you. Is the fact that you have your grandpa, he's a great grandpa to your kids. Oh my God, that's like, Yeah, that's amazing. I know, this sounds like oh my god, that that great grandpa thing. That's amazing. That's like, incredible. It's so special is it is and what's the other one? Okay, so trade show straight Sodapoppin alcohol and all this kind of shift for water and get yourself six, eight hours of sleep. It's that fucking simple guys, this is actually the the system that will make you better shape than the average person that walks this earth, you will be better than actually, you'll be in better shape and better health than 90% of the population by doing all this shit. By doing all this stuff. It is that simple. The only thing that you have to get over is yourself and your reasons why you can't do this.
Curt Storring 53:36
Man. So no, this is like the most simple, which is why I said it was so simple. And the thing that's coming up is that if this was so easy, then you wouldn't have a business. Yeah, so what what is it about us that? Like? Do we need a coach that we need someone to drive our ass because man like it's like, yeah, just do it.
Dan Go 53:54
Alright, I love this. Because it does sound simple. When it comes to the physical aspect of things, right? Do this do that I can basically tell you what to do, just go do it, you're gonna get in shape is a psychological part. Right is the psychological is more is less, when I went to see people who have a problem with weight gain, and like all this kind of stuff being out of shape. It's, it's it is a physical problem, but it's more of a psychological problem than anything else. So the things that we do inside of our company with the coaching is dig into the psychological problems, right? We're not therapists and we will actually get qualified help for them in regards to you know, if they need like more professional help, but we actually get to the root as to why they treat their bodies the way that they do. And then the next thing we do, we hold them highly fucking accountable. Like, we literally will like text people like multiple times throughout the day. And especially for entrepreneurs. One of the things that we love to do because they are a very different subset of the The population then say someone that's like working a nine to five that just has like, that basically clocks in at night and gets off at five, like entrepreneurship is sometimes like 24/7. And you're making like 100 decisions throughout the day. So when you try to make that decision for your food, it's out the window, because you're like, I'm just going to go for the most convenient thing possible. So one of the things that we do is we automate the the actual aspects of them getting in shape, whether that's like setting up professional chefs said, whether that's like getting like meal replacement services, we have a concierge in which we like, you know, get people to, you know, we will actually choose their menus, we would actually, when they go out to eat, we would actually, you know, find like they travel a lot, they one of our clients went to London for a press tour. So we actually, like found the gym that he's going to be going to, we could go all the way to like buying the membership just being like, Hey, show up, you know, so we want to automate the process of them getting in shape. So they don't have to make as many decisions towards their health. And then no, this kind of flies in the face of what most people say, which is like, Hey, man, you got to learn how to cook your foods, you got to be doing this, you got to do that, you got to do things. And the thing is, is that that is good for someone who has the time to do it. And as good for someone who doesn't have to make that many decisions in their lives before an entrepreneur, especially like one that's like, you know, running like a, let's just say a 789 figure company, like this is not a reality for a lot of them, they don't have time to sit down and cook their foods. And they do have the resources to actually automate this stuff. So why don't we actually create a system to make all this stuff and make all the decision making off your plate, and then we're going to work on the psychological shit too. Because pretty much like when we're in this process, and when you're starting to lose weight, all your weaknesses, all your psychological shit, that's going to come up in the process of transforming your body. And that's where we go into like the big, you know, like the real nitty gritty of the coaching,
Curt Storring 56:51
man. Okay, so So what's coming up for me is like, the whole reason that I talk about healing and growth work and like inner child stuff as a dad is because to become a better dad to become a better partner, you have to become a better man. And that means digging into why you do things, the way you do them what the programming is, and getting really clear on like, the fundamentals, which we've been talking about is going all the way back, why do I hurt? And it sounds like, if you've had a trouble, if you've had trouble with fitness in the past, you also have to do that, because you're probably sabotaging yourself, because of whatever ego defense mechanisms, whatever it is in your life. And so like, Yes, Dan just told you eat three to four meals of Whole Foods, skip all the crap that you're drinking and just drink water, sleep six to eight hours, I presume there's a movement element to it somewhere in there as well. Like you have to be able to go into the why you haven't been doing this in the first place. So how do we sorry, go ahead,
Dan Go 57:44
let me tell you, let me tell you a little bit of a story, which is, which actually just happened with a client. And this happens a lot. If we are able to do what we're able to do. So one of our clients like he was he's been with us for a year he would drop like 30 pounds, he would gain it back, he would drop another 30 pounds, he would gain it back and we're just like, fuckin dude, we're just taking like two steps forward and two sets back this entire time. And it wasn't until we like really dug down and into why he was doing what he was doing. And we we peeled it back, all the way back to when he was a kid to the fact that his parents, there was like the situation back at home. His parents left him with his cousins or something like that his uncle. And it was a point where he felt extreme amount of stress because it felt like his parents were abandoning him. So how did he react to that stress? He ate and he ate to make himself not feel stress he ate to make himself think about something else to feel a different way. And the thing about eating your stress and this is actually something a lot of people deal with it is actually something that a lot of people actually have problems with. The thing with, like eating their your stress, or eating your emotions, is you're just trying to make yourself feel a different way. But you don't you can't actually change the way you feel unless you actually know why you're feeling the way that you're feeling in the first place. You can't heal without awareness. There was zero healing without awareness. So we went back, we found out this thing happened. And then just from gaining this amount of awareness, and knowing why he's doing what he's doing, now he's coming to our coaching calls. I I just don't eat all of my food anymore. I just eat until I'm full and I don't feel like snack. I don't feel like snacking anymore. I don't feel like eating at night. I don't feel like eating more when I'm like doing So much work. I feel like I'm supposed to be I'm feel like I'm eating normally right now. And then this is what we do. And this is why we do it. So it's a huge psychological component, logistics component physical component, obviously. But, but a lot of his psychological love is mental.
Curt Storring 1:00:21
Yeah, let's just being cognizant of time is there like an 8020. For dads who are not entrepreneurs who may not have the resources to sort of hire coach and accountability groups and stuff like that? Is there like a very basic self directed at 20, they would give dads who are busy and or balancing all this shit, the best results is anything like that come up.
Dan Go 1:00:42
It come when you say like the 8020, it just comes to me as like, Okay. Living in the modern world that we're living in right now we have this abundance of food, right, we have an abundance of food, we have an abundance of opportunities to not move our bodies into be lazy. And with great abundance, comes great responsibility. So you actually have to create hard rules for yourself hard rules in this society in in the in the the world that we're living in right now. Right? We're living in a world where you can actually get like the best, like in Toronto, we can get like, literally one of the top restaurants can deliver to our doorstep in like, two seconds. And then two seconds, maybe like 30 minutes or 45 minutes. So you got to give yourself hard fast rules. So I'll throw a bunch of them at you. And then and then or at whoever's listening, and then you can follow whichever one that you choose to follow, I would suggest like focusing on like two or three first, and then not necessarily trying to do everything all at once. So number one, not snacking. Number two, training every single caloric drink except for coffee for water. Number three is having a hard stop period to when you eat because a lot of people deal with nighttime eating. So they need to actually start the I guess you could say start to fast or stop eating I like to say start the fast at a hard start time like 8pm or 7pm. Right at least three hours before they go to sleep. You have to have a standard for yourself for how many times will you exercise your body, start at bare minimum have to work your way up to three, but you have to have a standard overschedule standards over schedules every single time. So what's your standard for how many times how many times you want to exercise your body eating 90% or guys getting as close to 100% nutrient dense foods as much as possible in your body. Some advanced ones would be like having one gram of protein per pound of bodyweight aiming for that to allow yourself to to build muscle. Other rules, you know, we can go with the more extreme rules like some people do is like cut all the carbs, or like I don't know, you know, whatever. Sure, you could do that. But I wouldn't recommend it. Right, I would look for something a little bit more moderate. So what are some other rules that they can have? Eight to 10k steps is another one, a big one that a lot of my clients don't do is actually weigh themselves every single day. Right? which can actually be somewhat of a curse sometimes because they live and die with the scale. But then it is like needed to to actually develop an objective, some sort of objective measure, right, like so with entrepreneurs, we track what we actually want to improve the only things that we track whenever we track we're going to improve upon. So I always asked like my clients, like how many how many times you track your income? Oh, like like once every day, once every two days? How many times you track your weight? Oh, fuck, I haven't done that in like months. I'm like, dude, like, how can you? How can you like manage this and you know, think that you're gonna manage this without even tracking? Right? So you have to have some measure tracking, I feel like measuring yourself in weighing yourself every single day is one of them. Yeah, a bunch of other ones out there. But but those are some like hard, fast rules. And we live in a world where we need these rules. Now. You know, we can't go willy nilly, we're not hunting for food anymore. We're not fucking living. We're not working industrial jobs anymore. Right, we're living in, let's just say Information Age shots. So we have to, we have to react accordingly. So So yeah, those are some rules. And that's the 8020 find like two or three rules, start on those. And then start with whichever ones that you feel are going to work for you and then and then continue on and keep on adding habits. You know, the longer you get. Yeah, yeah,
Curt Storring 1:04:34
thank you, man. Thank you so much. I want one more tracking thing. I take sort of like quarterly pictures of myself and then like stack them on each other's to like, just see what the actual physical progresses. And there's just like so much good stuff in there. And I think that yeah, again, you just take like the two to three things. Get outside, move your body, eat normal foods, sleep, drink water. Like, if you just did those you'd be so healthy compared to like What you are now potentially so
Dan Go 1:05:02
I'll throw in there that we probably wouldn't be going through the shit that we're going through right now as a fucking as a fuckin society if we weren't if we weren't promoting this, this communication and this message in the first place, right? And if
Curt Storring 1:05:18
your energy into promoting this as we do the other sort of alternatives, you're just helping you get through this a lot better.
Dan Go 1:05:24
Exactly like I would promote being healthy over pharma care, but that's like my own thing, you know, so, but that's a conversation for another time, my friend. Yeah. Yeah.
Curt Storring 1:05:33
All right, man, Dan, this has been like so much more enriching than I could even have hoped. And like I had fairly high hopes, you know, because we're in this group together. There's a very high standard. So thank you for showing up. And where can people find you whether they want to follow you to get more tips or whether they actually want to hire you?
Dan Go 1:05:51
Awesome. Yeah, you can find me at so I'm really live on Twitter. You can find me fit founder right there. I'm on Instagram as well. I met Dan founder couldn't get fit founder for that one, unfortunately. And then yeah, if you want to work with us, if you are an entrepreneur, you're a high achieving entrepreneur and you're looking to get in shape and then do so for the rest of it and gain shape for once for the rest of your life. Then go to highperformancefounder.com And that's where you can sign up.
Curt Storring 1:06:18
Brilliant, man. Well, thank you again for going vulnerable. Thank you for going so deep and this edition fucking awesome. Thanks, Dan.
Dan Go 1:06:24
Thank you brother. Appreciate it.
Curt Storring 1:06:31
That's it for this episode. Thank you so much for listening. It means the world to find out more about everything that we talked about in the episode today, including Show Notes resources and links to subscribe leave a review work with us go to dad dot work slash pod. That's di d dot w o RK slash pod. type that into your browser just like a normal URL, Dad dot work slash pod. You'll find everything there. You need to become a better man, a better partner and a better father. Thanks again for listening and we'll see you next time.
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