Escaping Pain To Go All-In On Fatherhood and Family – Mike Pantile

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Today’s guest is Mike Pantile.

We go deep today talking about:

  • Mike’s difficult journey and pitfalls on his path to becoming a masculine leader and father
  • Going All-In on fatherhood and family
  • The danger of the Red Pill mindset/community/whatever it is
  • The destructive force of porn in men’s lives
  • Discernment, integrity, and being the father you wished you had
  • Using pain as motivation to change your life

In addition to being a dedicated Christian, husband and father, Mike also runs multiple businesses in the fitness space and makes a fulfilled living helping others as a personal trainer and nutrition coach.

Find Mike online at:

Resources mentioned:

Unknown Speaker 0:00

If you are the foundation of your family, you are the firm footing. They build their lives on. You carry a glorious burden and you never dream of laying it down. You carry it with joy and gratitude. You show up, even when you don't feel like it. You lead, serve, love and protect. You are a father. This is the dead word podcast where men are forged into elite husbands and fathers by learning what it takes to become harder to kill, easier to love and equipped to lead. Get ready to start building the only legacy that truly matters, your family

Curt Storring 0:59

welcome back to the deadwood podcast. This is Curt Storring, your host, the founder of Dad.Work. I'm joined today by my new pal, Mike pantyliner. In addition to being a dedicated Christian husband and father, Mike also runs multiple businesses in the fitness space and makes a fulfilled living helping others. As a personal trainer and nutrition coach, you can find him on Instagram, which is blowing up right now at Mike Pence delay, which is P A N T i l e, make sure to give him a follow. That's where we met, he's sharing some very good stuff. He's totally aligned with the things that we talked about here in the downward podcast, I think you're really gonna like him. Today we talked about Mike's difficult journey, and pitfalls on his path to becoming a masculine leader and father going all in on fatherhood and family, the danger of the red pill mindset or community or whatever you want to call it, the destructive force of porn in men's lives, discernment, integrity, and being the father you wished you had, and using pain as a motivation to change your life. So hope you enjoyed this episode. Guys, make sure if you haven't already, please leave a review on Apple, it's one of the best ways when a quickest way is one of the easiest ways you can support this show. We don't run ads, we don't do any of those things. But we just ask that you help get us in the ears of more men who need this work. Because guys, if you've been listening this for a while, I think it's likely to have impacted your life just based on the number of DMS and stuff like that, that I get not to mention the reviews you guys have already posted. appreciate that so much. But this is life changing work for any man who takes action on it. So I would love love to change the world by changing the fathers by changing the families and the children who grow up to be fathers and mothers themselves. So please would you go to Apple, leave a review, go to Spotify, leave a rating that would be so awesome, because you could directly impact a man's decision to listen to this and it might be exactly what you need. So please leave a review on Apple and a rating on Spotify. And finally, if you have not yet watched our free training, the four step family foundation formula, you can get that at Dad.Work slash training. This is the formula that I follow. This is the formula I walk my clients through to become an elite man husband father, who is hard to kill, easy to love and equipped to lead. If you want that for free. Watch the video Dad.Work slash training. Open up your browser right now. Just take two seconds typing Dad.Work slash training. Get the training watch it later. Dive into this episode right now with Mike mentally. Here we go. Alright, dads, we're back for another episode of The dad work Podcast. I'm joined by my new pal, Mike pantyliner. I think I got that right. And dude, I'm excited for this because you're just like, you're bursting onto the scene. I know that guys who follow me on instagram will know about you very soon if they don't already. Thank you to Ryan King, my good friend for introducing us. But broke, you've got a story that I want to hear. And I've already heard it, but man, I want to hear it again. And this is where we're going to start guys, we'll learn who you are through this story. They've already heard your bio. But let's get into a man because your story is amazing. I think it's gonna inspire a lot of people. And you've come onto the other side. Like really, really deeply understanding what I have seen over my last 10 years of figuring this whole fatherhood thing out to be true to be like, genuinely true for what it's like to be a masculine leader. So you weren't always a masculine leader. What has been your story up to this point of becoming that good husband, man, Father, that you are today, you want to just walk us all the way back and lead us through who you are. And why

Mike Pantile 4:03

dude, thank you. First of all, I appreciate the introduction makes me sound a lot cooler than I am but we'll get it inspires a guy or two but it's just feels awesome to just be amongst brothers that are all on a similar mission. So thank you for giving this opportunity to chat in your platform and obviously tell the other guys so about me I you know, I was the classic grew up the fat Italian kid. I grew up you know, Roman Catholic, you know, overweight and a product of a pretty nasty divorce too. You know, I travel back and forth between my mom my mom's place where my grandfather's place and my dad's place. I was raised majority of my life when my my grandfather and my great grandmother and my mom as a single mom, you know, my, you know, obviously there's a dad podcast. So, you know, I want to emphasize I didn't really have a relationship with my dad and I still don't, you know, despite us being in contact my whole life, you know, instead of, you know, being that leader that myself and my brother and my mother really needed it was more so like this really neurotic. The weird, you know, disordered friend relationship. You know, he, you know, had a lot of addiction issues, I witnessed a lot of abuse in that home and went back and forth, there was a lot of verbal abuse, a lot of stuff that I shouldn't have seen. You know, he was the product of an overbearing mother, which is something that, you know, has been on my heart to really talk about, obviously, that's a story for a different day. So that caused a lot of issues in my youth, you know, I was in and out of psychotic psychiatrists office, I've been on every single antidepressant and anti anxiety known to man, you know, I was like, maybe six, seven, or eight. And this was obviously way before it became in vogue to really talk about mental health, I just thought it was normal, you know, like, when I would go to school, and I go home, this anxiety, this depression, just like knowing in the back of my head of just sadness, I just thought that was just par for the course. But really, obviously, now, being the man that I am, I realize it's because of a lot of the stuff that I'd seen and experienced, maybe coupled with some, you know, hereditary stuff as well. So, and then going through school, it was school was, man, a lot of guys can relate to this, you know, I have ADD, and I didn't really do well in school, not because I wasn't capable, or wasn't intelligent, but because I just didn't learn that environment, man, you know, like, I couldn't sit still, I couldn't really pay attention. And but in that whole process, all these teachers made me feel, you know, made me out to be a dummy, essentially. And I believe that and the only belief I had to myself was that I was the captain of all my sports teams, I was really good at sports growing up. So that was like a saving grace where I really felt like some acceptance there and some connection with some of the male coaches because, you know, they respected the the sort of the ability that I possessed, but I didn't really have the self esteem. I can't emphasize how bad school was, you know, there was a point also in my, in my mid to late teens, where I became an atheist. And this was as a result, I come out of relationship with the girl my first relationship, I ended up you know, smoking a pack of cigarettes a day as like a 1516 year old guy, drinking a half a bottle of whiskey or vodka every night breaking into my grandpa's cellar, and literally drinking out of all the wine that he made the previous season. So growing up at a traditional Italian family, my grandpa, I don't know how you say it in Italian, we would make wine every year. And so during this like two year period, I drank and dry. So me and alcohol have had a tumultuous relationship as well. And so that led to me dropping out of school in grade 10. And because it just cause it was I now that I'm a parent, looking back, I put my mom through so much hell, I put my grandfather through so much hell, with all the stuff that went on in school thought that I was getting into fights. I just, it caused so much stress. Because a I didn't feel like I could get on like I got along with everybody, but I wasn't about that clicky weird sort of trendy, you know, you know, high school is very, the cool kids. They're not cool kids. I didn't I didn't give a shit about being any one of those guys. I just wanted to be a dude that was there and was accepted. But because I was I naturally had some physicality. I was always expect to be the guy that fought so I just never went to school. I was like, I'm not a fighter, man. I'm not despite like my appearance, I'm gonna pretend to be a tough guy. And so when I dropped out, obviously, you know, everybody was concerned, I still ended up graduating. But this was were sort of one of my first I guess, encounters with real masculinity was when I quit. And I started this alternative program, obviously, it's just a bunch of delinquents, and like, you know, dropouts, and, you know, there was a bunch of teachers there, two of which come to mind, what her name is Janice, who's devoted Christian woman, but this woman was like, as convicted and as powerful as they come old school. And, you know, she had a huge impact and belief just this belief in me, but even more so there's this man Garth, also a Christian. He was his teacher. And he saw potential in me, he saw something in me that I didn't even knew I possessed. And he really cultivated that and really gave me so much grace and, and instilled so much belief in me that I graduated with flying colors, like I graduated, you know, I dropped out, I was a failure. And I graduated with like straight A's, you know, so and that was, I sent him a voice note, actually, two weeks ago, I'm like, Man, I just want you to know, I still talk about you. You know, like, it's like years and years later. But we all have those men in our lives that have made such a dramatic impact that we can never forget that impact that they had, and that it's like, it's up to us to pass that on, we need to, in order for this, for the chaos of the world to come back to order. But anyways, I graduated. And there was a pattern and it was it was really strange, I think. And now I know, this was because I was a product of a single mom, every relationship that I was in, you know, every girl that I would date, it would follow a very similar pattern, I would start this relationship, the confident guy, you know, you know, I had options, you know, whatever that means. And then by the end of the relationship, I was totally at the mercy of the woman I then started to exhibit those that that feminine behavior that I would say disorder, feminine behavior, because there's nothing wrong with a woman being you know, feminine, but there's also some traits on the other side of that, that are you know, can be a little chaotic and you know, can can see In your life a little bit, of course. So these relationships became like all consuming obsessions, and then I would, I would be left being like the begging, crying. You know, little bitch boy, you know, for lack of a better term, I don't mean to sound callous but and I never, at the time it didn't, I didn't know why. But then I got into the gym. And this is where life really started to change. For me big time. I'd been an athlete my whole life, but I didn't really spend a lot of time lifting weights. So I got into the gym. And it finally stuck. I found something that I could sublimate that energy into, and in turn, it gave me this armor. I started to finally believe in myself. I'm like, now okay, yeah, I'm chubby. But like, I'm strong. I'm starting to actually believe in myself. I was in a relationship. This time it was it was a it was a crappier one. And it's, it's just amazing how God works in our lives. Because we were going to church, I was an atheist at the time I've, I've read all of Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, Charles Darwin, I read it, all all of it. And I was convinced that I don't just not don't believe in God, I hate God. And this is why it was so hard for me to make that post yesterday about forgiving your father, because that's what it comes from, right? That whole quote from Fight Club, like if you're, if your dad ditches you, what does that tell you about God? Well, says that God doesn't really care about you. And that's what I thought. And so it wasn't really this atheism, I actually really became like this anti theist, I hated God. And so I wanted to, you know, while at least I tried to convince myself that I hated God. So we would go, we were going to this charismatic church. And for those of you that don't know what a charismatic churches this, this particular one, you know, there was a lot of speaking in tongues, there was a lot of stuff that as a Christian, now I feel, looking back, at least at this establishment was heretical teachings. This wasn't like, teaching the word. But the one blessing that came out of that is I met this man, his name is Sean. And he took me under his wing. I remember seeing a barbell on the back of his truck, and I was like, oh, man, okay, this guy's into lifting weights. I want to get into powerlifting. I'm two years into it. And so I approached him, and he's a Christian. So he's like, Hey, man, you're in Langley, right, Kurt. Right now he's in White Rock. He is Jim was based in White Rock. So my British Colombians, you know, that's about a 45 minute to an hour drive from Vancouver. So he took me under his wing and train me completely for free. So here's, you know, another sort of run in with like a masculine mentor, right was cool. It's like, when the student is ready, the master appears, right. And so I'll never forget Valentine's Day 2014. He took me under his wing and never charged me a dime. He was the guy that introduced me to powerlifting put like a registration form in front of my face and said, You're doing this meet. And if it wasn't for that, I don't know if I'd have a gym. I don't know if I'd be where I'm at right now. And I still follow this guy. And I reach out to him all the time, like coach Sean if it wasn't for you, dude. And so anyways, we had a falling out, he's now back to the faith back with his wife.

The impact that God has on people's hearts, especially men like us that a little more stubborn with harder hearts. It's just incredible, because we become, I think, the most powerful testimonies, you know. And anyways, more on that later. So I left and at the time I was working as an apprentice mechanic, went through auto school did very well, but I hated it. It wasn't something that I love to do. And it was in this process of like, losing weight. So my mom urged me, she's always been my biggest support biggest champion. She's been an angel in my life more than I can even I can put into words, and my grandfather being the only masculine role model that I had my whole life too. And she convinced me she's like Mikey, like, you're not happy, go go to that gym that you train at and see if you can get a job there. In the meantime, you know, so I quit as a second year apprentice was working for Ford as a as a mechanic. And so I walk in and the gym owner was like, no interview, you're hired. And here's my another run in with another masculine mentor, because he took me under his wing. And there's this pattern that repeats that I'm not looking for a teacher, but these teachers find me and they see something in me and they kind of take me under their wing and something beautiful happens on the backs of that. So zoom ahead, I'm working at this gym in Vancouver, I lose 120 pounds over the course of a year and a half. So I so June 2014, I started this journey a wake up one day, I'm like, man, I've done a couple of powerlifting meets, I'm only 511 I was almost 310 pounds at this point. And so you know, I was big. I was stocky, but like nobody took me seriously when I talked about training and nutrition because how could you take me seriously? I'm not exactly the walking talking, you know, version of what I preach, right? So after I lost this weight, dude, it was it was like the dams broke. And all of a sudden people are like knocking down my door, trying to figure out how I did this thing. So I coached and I train people for free for a period of a couple of years during this time taking them to the first powerlifting meets and because lifting weights, I've been suicidal throughout my life throughout my youth on and off, you know, even had like plans in my head and how I was going to do it. And when I discovered the gym, that was like the it sounds so crazy. This is why I emphasize it all the time. That's something so seemingly good I don't know meaningless can be so meaningful. And that process of sharing that with other people was the most fulfilling thing. I didn't care about any money that I do it. I've been like, broke most of my life. Right? I was I'm a product of like a lower middle class family. We never struggled. We never had to, like, you know, is it the lights? Or is it the water this month, my grandfather worked very hard. He was a very good strong provider never missed a day of work. Despite working in awful like working scenarios, he worked at a tannery, and we'd come home, and I couldn't be within like 10 feet of a man, it was just like, I couldn't even be five minutes where he worked. And that guy did that for like, 30 plus years walk to work, walk back tirelessly. So anytime I think about waking up in the morning in my house, and it's warm, it's four in the morning, and I just come downstairs and I'm working from home and like, my grandfather would be laughing at me right now. You would say to me, he's like, Mike, why are you going to the gym, dude, just get a job. Right? So anyways, sharing this, this this gift of physical strength with people. I was like, Okay, I found something. I found something here. And it was weird. So that, you know, went on for a couple years. And then one day, I just got fired, I got fired. I got fired over text message, you know, without going into details, you know, as a business owner, now I understand why this happened. You know, my group got so huge. I was a young 20 something year old. So you get a bunch of like, testosterone lated young men full of piss and vinegar yelling in the gym, the owner is probably going to do something right. So looking back, I hold no animosity, actually, I love that because it kind of just throw me into threw me into the wilderness, right? What do I do? By the grace of God, I met I met a woman at the time. And you know, I hate saying this, but like my ex best friend. Don't go into business with your friends, if you don't already fully suss each other out, just gonna say that right now. And so they looked at me and because I was I helped them for free. They're like, You know what, Mike, we're going to help you here. So the girl I was dating at the time, at the time, owns a big real estate company in Vancouver, and he had an office space in Vancouver that was unoccupied. This just came up like a month after Dude, I got fired man. It was like God was like, here you go, do I see what you're doing? I see the seeds that you're sowing. And you know, you're going to reap what you sow, sow boom, drops this opportunity. They're like, we're gonna buy this equipment for you. And we're gonna stick it into this office space, and we're gonna see what we can do. That's literally what happened, man, like, I have one of the most fortunate like coming up starting stories is like a personal trainer, business owner, like 23 years old. They're like, okay, here, here you go, here's some equipment, I maxed out credit cards. And I'm like, Okay, here goes nothing. I was working at a supplement company, business before that. They're not in business anymore. And I remember being in the back writing down the logo of my business for the barbell, like writing. I'm like, man, what would it be like to be you know, to do this on my own? Dude, within like, three months, I quit my other jobs. And I was fully self employed. And I went from like the most I ever made before, it was maybe like 1520 bucks an hour. And well, it's funny, cheesy, and talking about numbers, because who cares? I went from making really good money in like, no time at all, which was a blessing and a curse at the time. And so in this period of like, losing the weight, getting strong, you know, doing, you know, a bunch of, you know, pretty big lifts that got some recognition, having some national records in powerlifting, and whatnot. It made me really realize like my physical potential and my potential with with income. And that was the biggest thing, however, ended up being one of those situations that was like kind of like a golden handcuffs. Because I'm 23. money's flowing in faster than it's ever has before. And instead of growing the business, after about a year and a half of just, you know, just going crazy and getting busier and busier. I mean, the school breakup, after a year, we have to find a commercial space. That's where my gym is still right now. So that was terrifying. But that was the best year of my life. And I think any business owner can go back and say those challenging moments are the best times. It's not when you're profiting and you're rolling in it. Because you're always thinking about the next step. It's that time that you're building. We move in there and things start to flow even more God's given me like this favor, dude that I can't. I can't put into words. And sometimes I just don't even understand why, until now, recent recently, really with this page. And it was a golden handcuffs, dude, I then instead of being like a believer, because I came back to the faith in my early 20s, I thought I was a believer. I wasn't acting like one, just because I felt like I had this like, moral superiority over people. But I was still having that promiscuous sex. I was indulging in drugs and alcohol. It was very, very egotistical, and also has people notice my tattoos. After a couple of years in business and success. I got my hands on my neck tattooed and why this is relevant is I think this is a pretty powerful thing. Every time I look in the mirror, and I see these things, I love them, obviously. But it's me putting my ego on my skin. And so God God gave me this conviction in prayer, like a week or two ago and I'm like, This is what this is, man. I put it. I put a crown on my hand. I'm like, I'm not a king of anything. I'm a king of nothing. But I believe God urged me to do that too. Because now I finally feel like I'm stepping into that phase of life. It's all coming to roost where now, I wasn't meant to be a personal trainer. Even though I love it, I still do it. That's still a focal point of my of my vocation. I love it. I'm meant to with my story. Help other guys avoid the deception that I allowed myself to succumb to. I discovered the red pill when I was like, in my early 20s. And because I didn't have that guidance, I didn't have that male role model in my life. I mean, my grandfather was certainly was but being in this, you know, being an older man, there was a bit of a disconnection, right? He was born on a farm and like the 1940s like grandma, who was born in like, the 1920s, or whatever, it's just like, there's a there's beautiful tradition, but there's not a lot of thinking that's applied to the sort of the modern era. And so, through the red pill, I went on to just a tear because I felt like it was expected of me to because people were like, oh, Mike, you're a decent looking guy. You know how to talk to people. You're in good shape. Go sow your wild oats. I wish I could. So I was like living up to other people's standards for so many years, right? Because I'll tell you something. Honestly. I blessed to have conquered his porn addiction last couple of years is completely gone. And in the past, but I struggled man, dude, when I was young man, I was a young man like 12 or 13 years old dude. Sometimes we multiple times a day. And the reason why I bring this up is because I watched it for so long. That due to give me like, legitimate erectile dysfunction in my teens, dude. This is why you're like, oh, man, why are you talking about porn so much? It might because it did a lot of bad shit to me, man, it ruined relationships. I was plagued by this fear and this anxiety, that I wouldn't be able to get it up with a woman and dude, and it followed me man. And it followed me and despite it usually being okay, that was still in my head. And a lot of times that association with sex was associated with porn. So before a woman would come over, I'd be watching it. So and and I also noticed, I'm like, Why am I always intoxicated? Whenever I'm having these sexual encounters? Why is there this like, this pit of just emptiness is because that's not the man that I'm supposed to be. These guys that I know, they're reckless out there. Don't try to judge them man, like, you know, Judge lest you be judged and literally just said that, but they don't have that inner governor in their head telling them that this is wrong, right? Where I felt like since I was young, one of the gifts that God has given me is discernment, and discernment in my own behavior. And he his voice has been so loud, but I tried to suppress it with alcohol with with sex.

And so throat this this completely stagnated my progress with my with my business, my business still did well, but it just kind of stopped at a certain point and just kind of continued, and I went through peaks and valleys, but I didn't really do anything to grow up because I was like, chasing after this girl and I'm chasing after that girl. I think I'm cool. You know what I'm saying? I'm not cool, dude. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm not at all I'm on all these apps. I paid for all the premium. I think I'm this man, but really like my manhood is hinges upon how much validation I'm getting from women. You know what I'm saying? I was doing a lot of things correctly. I was surrounding myself with strong men successful men. We had this brotherhood that's why I love my gym. And I still have it is that we created this brotherhood, this like men's group. But on the on the other side of it, I was like preaching this stuff. And then over here, I was doing something completely different. Like who am I you know what I'm saying? And then you know why I'm so passionate about this red pill topic is because it ruins relationships. And it ruins it ruins women's a female's ability to trust another man, and it ruins a man's ability to trust women. And we can get into the sort of details as to why later, but it wasn't up until I met my wife. And so I was in a really bad relationship. We were back and forth. It was just an awful situation. This was late 2019. And then I see a picture of of my wife on Instagram, she had just moved to Vancouver, and she was getting involved in the powerlifting scene. And obviously, I didn't have good intentions, right? You know, when when she posted her picture. I was like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna DM or I'm gonna do what I do. Right. So I did that. And I had no intention of starting relationships. I'm just like, Man, this woman is beautiful. I'm gonna see what we can do here, so to speak. We end up chatting. I'm like, she's a Christian. She lives. She doesn't swear. She's like this radiant, feminine nurturing energy that was just like, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is this is so foreign. You know what I'm saying? We meet up for you. Actually, before we even get to the first date. She canceled on me twice. It was like me that you canceled on me like my egotistical head. I was like, I'm like, Man, I don't chase my liquor, bro. I don't chase my whiskey. I'm not gonna chase a woman. Right. So, but the reasons why she canceled was like, you know, she helped a friend cover a yoga shift. And then she went to do a church thing. I'm like, these are the best reasons to cancel. It's not like she's trying to play a game. We I take her on a date, dude. And I'm just like, I'm like, oh, like, oh shit. I'm like, This is it. This is real. This is legit. And I don't know what I'm doing. And you know, she even said it after she's like, you put on a like a persona during that day, didn't you? I'm like, Yeah, I did, it was pretty obvious, wasn't it? A mature woman that's got a shit together can see through it. And this is why I talk about it so often. We end up dating, and I'm just like, I'm blown away at this woman, I'm like, I don't need to do these games, I don't need to play these games, I don't need to like, wait an hour or two to text her back. So I don't seem needy, like, I don't need to, you know, I can text her back right away. Sometimes if she's not going to judge me for it. Like I can talk about stuff that's meaningful to me without her, you know, thinking them, or me assuming that the woman is going to think I'm a beta like this, this manosphere Red Pill indoctrination it had, it's so deeply ingrained in my brain. I was like, I couldn't I can't be nice. There's got to be this dislike this wall. And so we dated and I'll never forget, on February 14 Valentine's Day, it seems like God does good things and bad things on Valentine's day for me. So Valentine's Day 2020, my ex girlfriend shows up. And this is not a judgment against her because I was a terrible person in this relationship. Awful. And it usually does take two to tango in a in a toxic relationship, right? But we as men all have those women in our past that like represents all the bad shit about us. Because not because they're bad. But we kind of we create them in that way. You know? And so she showed up and she showed up, like, drop dead gorgeous. And I was just like, there's temptation at my door literally, right? So she waits till I'm done work. And you know, she jumps my bones tries to like, and I'm like, no, no, no, that's the closest thing I've come to cheating in my entire life. She stuck her tongue down my throat. And I was like, I was so convicted with guilt. I drove straight to Karen. And I told her, I said, this is what happened. And she sat me down. She's like, Okay, well, I'm hurt. But like, I understand, and she, like, sat there and like, talk me through it. And then in the weeks following, she didn't know behind the scenes, I was going to talk to my ex at her house. There was actually one time that we actually planned to meet up and have sex and cheat. And right before it happened, it was like God was like, nope, and I stopped. And I was like, I can't do this, man. I can't. There was actually one time that I planned to do this. It was after church curtain was after church. I'm leaving church and like, this is when we're meeting up. I'm surprised that you just combust into flames. Dude. You don't I'm saying. So I go we meet up and right before it happens was like this conviction is like pull. Like God said to me, this is not this is not who you're meant to be. So I'm going to tell her and then eventually, I just had to break up with her. I'm like, I need to go see this thing through. And she told me that she was like, Mike, I know. I know. You need to go see it through. I've been trying to tell you this for a long time. Go do it. Trust me, you'll see what you need to see, like this wisdom that I was like, okay, cool. I did it. And guess what, three months later completely destroyed my life. Cops end up at the house. Long story short, it's just big, messy situation. And I'm left just in broken pieces. And just all admits COVID just to give some background to I was drinking like a half a bottle of wild turkey one on one. So my people that aren't whiskey aficionados, that's like 51% bourbon, and I'd be getting blackout blasted wasted every single night for a couple of years. And in a lot of ways on the weekend. Sometimes I still do struggle with that thing like alcohol and me have this like weird. Romance. Obviously, that's not romance. It's a destructive relationship. And so we broke up, I'm shattered to pieces, and the only person I knew as a Christian was her. So I reached out to her, I said, Hey, Karen, I said, I know I've dragged you through the mud, like, time and time again, even when I was, you know, when we were broken up, I still reached out to her and I probably caused you so much pain and prolonging that because she this she loved me dude. She loved me for like who I was saw the potential that I had, but I just was like, I can't lead you the way that you need to be lead right now. I thought that it could but I'm in shambles, you know? And so we I reached out to her and you know, by the grace of God, her patience and grace. And she's like, Yeah, we'll meet up. So we meet at Spirit Pacific Park and UBC. And so I'm smoking cigarettes at the time. She looks at me she's like, this ain't you? I'm like, I know, like, What the hell am I doing? And so we leave and I had no intentions of getting back with her. I was like, No, we just need to talk about God is a beautiful conversation. Two weeks later, she's like, Hey, Mike, I know you're trying not to you're trying to stop drinking. Why don't you be just hanging out? We have sushi this Friday. I know you'd like to drink with the friends on Friday. I'm like, Yeah, okay. I love this person as a person. Like I love her. Not that she's not dropped. It's stunning, gorgeous. She is. But this is one of the first times where I'm like I kind of see through this veneer of your appearance and like I see your heart. I love that. And so, and then I blink and we're together and it's the most beautiful, like fulfilling relationship that I've ever been in. And then two months later, I'll never forget January 28. It's a Thursday. It was very early in the morning. I'm opening my eyes and she's like hovering above me. She's rubbing rubbing my head and she's like, she's like Good morning best friend. I'm like, What are you doing, man? Like get on my face is too early for this. She's like I'm pregnant. I said to myself very early on in my 20s, I was like, I want to be a father in my late 20s. God wasted no time. He's like, a week after my 28th birthday. He's like, you, you got what you wanted. You know, it's funny how so many of these things in my head had come true through prayer at like, the most opportune at least opportune times. Right. So that's when I feel like life actually started. You know, where, you know, I'm sure you know what it is man, like, your wife's like, I'm pregnant, you're like, No, you're not. What do I do? And all I could think about at that time was like, geez, okay, so I'm financially in a good place, mentally in an okay place. But spiritually, I'm like, not in the best place. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. So the only thing I knew how to do, there's a lot of turbulence in that period, because we had only been dating less than a year. So we didn't really know each other. And all of a sudden, boom, like, we have this, this baby on the way. And I already knew I was going to propose for the first quarter of 2021. So this just kind of like, expedited that a little bit, right. So we'd find out January, I get on one knee a month later, I'm like, I gotta do what I'm supposed to do here as a man with gotta I gotta step up, right? So get to the ring. That was a beautiful story, I think back always laugh, but to get to the ring, you know, record the proposal in my gym and Vancouver and boom, that's where life starts. We move in a month or two later, moving in together. And now we're about figuring out who does you know who does what with finances and this and that. And I'll tell you some, the first step of me stepping into my manhood and being not just the guy in the relationship with like, the man in the relationship, the provider, the protector, the leader, I'll never forget one Saturday, she sat me down, she's like, Mike, you know, I know, I told you, I was gonna help you with a mortgage, we were about to buy a place, we just got pre approved, we're about to buy townhouse in Burnaby. She's like, I can't help you with the mortgage, I looked at what I'm gonna get from that leave, and I'm not gonna be able to help you.

Despite my financial success, the bit that I've experienced, I've always had a scarcity mindset when it comes to money. And when it comes to bills, and when it comes to my ability to produce income, I think at the time was because I didn't really feel like I believed in myself much to be that role. And so I was, I was like, How can this be, Oh, my God. And by the grace of God, when we took possession of that place, months later, you know, obviously, I didn't just sit by the wayside and just think, okay, how am I going to do this? You know, I did some things and some business was booming again. And I had the most successful months in business following that her pushing me into the fire. And that's really manhood in a nutshell, dude is like, gotta put yourself out in the forefront, and you're gonna eat shit. But at the other end of it lies like a version of yourself that you never knew existed. And so that was the first step, she really had to push me off the ledge that way and learn to kind of fly, you know, on the way down, so to speak. And so, all throughout this time, you know, we're still getting to know each other, she's getting progressively pregnant. And then I remember the second sort of running with what, uh, you know, what I'm supposed to do as a man is, and this might come as a controversial thing to talk about to some people. I don't, I'm not interested in getting into a political conversation about COVID. But as a business owner with a brick and mortar business location during COVID Amongst these amidst these closures. This was September of last year, it came down the pipeline in Vancouver, they were gonna start enforcing the vaccine passports, and they, you know, enforcing masks and all this stuff. I've kept my gym open from the beginning. Right? I never I Navy, the first week, March 2020, I kept that closed because we, you know, none of us knew what was actually going on the back of my mind, like, as a man even though I was in the throes of my addiction, I'm like, I knew some weird shit was happening. And some bad stuff was gonna come down the pipeline, but I didn't know to this degree. So with the masks, the closures, all this stuff, I kept my gym open the whole time. And like, it is my duty God given duty and my right to serve my community, the way that I've been serving them the last half, six years. So I remember when they announced the vaccine passports, we're gonna be handing out fines we're going to be, well, what I did was I went on social media, because I had this crossroads moment where I'm like, Okay, this is a this is a real tangible event that's going to test my manhood and there's a fork in the road. Either I go this way, and I play the gray man. And when my child is born, I have to face that every time I look at them in the face and said, their father, instead of backing his shit up, and standing in the front, he stood in the back and just wanted to disappear. Or I go this way, and like it's a road less traveled. I don't know where this is headed. But I know that's where I have to be. So what I did is I went public, I was like, I'm keeping my gym open, come find me. There's not been a single person that got has gotten COVID From my gym. I had I'm just going to try to say this all the people that like oh my god, this guy. He's probably one of the Freedom convoys. No, nobody's got COVID From my gym, had all the safety protocols set up from the beginning. And so I kept everybody safe kept the community sake, but I wanted to keep them healthy, and I wanted to keep them strong. So I went public with this and the absolute outpour of support much like I'm receiving with this page was just incredible man and not just that record months and business follow that. Just boom, boom, boom peep and support, unlike the support that I had before because they saw not just a personal trainer, but they saw a guy that was willing to really put himself out there and say, Hey, listen, I'm there's, there's just a few of us. But there's got to be just a few of us boldly, standing in the face of this tyranny. Do they kept me out for days and days and days and days, but then when my daughter was born, I looked her in the face. And there was this like this, like this, this, this calmness that came upon me. I was like, I did what I was supposed to do. And I didn't know what was gonna happen. As a result, I'd had every single news media outlet reach out to me for a statement, note that people show up at my door. I've had to, like, you know, cover the windows. So nobody saw inside keep the doors locked. When somebody wanted to come in. I'd had to hide clients in the back. Do this weird, man. It was so weird. But anyways, by the grace of God, we made it. And so, man I've been I've been talking about myself for a long time here.

Curt Storring 36:00

No, it's good. Dude, I wanted you to do this. Because I know. I'm like, I'm literally visualizing different people who have talked to who have followed dad work. And I'm like, Hey, you probably need to hear this, you probably need to hear this, you probably need to hear this. And what I love about this story, and why I wanted you to just go for it was that there's so many touch points of darkness to be quite honest, that a lot of men struggle with never talk about. Okay, and so you are able to then be that light for guys to be like, oh shit, I'm not alone. And there's a way through it. And one of the things I've noticed about like, all this stuff coming up, yes, is, you know, God's given these these things at the right time. Yes, you're sort of stumbling in a mentor ship. But dude, you seem to be prepared for every journey for every test. And you seem to be able to do the right thing when push comes to shove. Now, that's harder and obviously, but can you give an idea of like, why are you continually able to look at these opportunities and go like, okay, yeah, I'm going to do the right thing here. Or I'm just going to go for it here. Because I'm going to, like, you know, there's all these guys sitting here, probably listening, who are like, man, like, I'm just not a great dad, right? I'm not a great husband, I'm not a great businessman, like, all this shit is piling up. I need to do the right thing. But I'm scared, or I struggle with addiction or whatever. Like, what do you think it was about you that was able to take advantage and take action of all these opportunities along the way, you want to just start with that, because we've got pages and pages. Going back to our shirt,

Mike Pantile 37:26

it comes down to this. This is why I talk about physical fitness and physical strength being the gateway to self development. For a man, this is where it starts. Because it's not just about the weight on the bar, it's about I've dead lifted over 800 pounds, many times I've dead lifted over 700 pounds hundreds of times have squatted over 600 pounds. So I've had a national record as a completely lifetime drug free. lifter, I've never touched everyone's it barely touched supplements. And so to reach a level of strength that's like that, and to reach a level of a physique that you know, other people admire. You know, and that's not being arrogant people come up to me and say that to me all the time, I still see myself as the fat kid. But other people don't see myself as that. So it comes from that because I this December will be 10 years of lifting weights, straight I uninterrupted, hard, consistent training. And it was through learning how to navigate how difficult it is to get strong through those plateaus and those peaks and valleys. Right? It I wish I could give something that was more that was deeper. That coupled with my faith, because lifting has taught me so much about consistency, about persistence, when you don't want to keep going about establishing discipline, and a habit that allows you to that is essentially the lamppost in the darkness when motivation is at an all time low. Where like you're just robotic in the sense that like I need to go do this, you know, and I know it sounds like you know, I'm trying to be Jocko willing, but that really what that's really what it comes down to is discipline that when these bad things happen, you're like, Okay, well, just gotta keep moving forward. It really does come from the gym for me, because before that I had, I had no nobody to teach me that. So in a way, the BB almost like not that replace my dad. Nothing replaces my dad. But the barbell taught me a lot. It was a teacher. And so this is why I started, you know, my personal training businesses. And this is why I tried to urge men Hey, listen, if you're struggling with coming into your masculinity and feeling powerful, well, it starts with feeling powerful and looking powerful. It really does. And even though on the inside for so many years, it didn't reflect the power that I displayed on the exterior. Eventually, it's sunk in. And I feel that that combined with my faith in God, and I've been able to tap into this voice better now because I've more mature but God talks to all of us, but it's up to us to sort of listen. So all those tenants most beautiful things that I learned through lifting weights coupled with a strong faith allowed me to just keep pressing forward and the one thing that I never wanted to do was looking myself in the mirror and know that I could have done more to improve my situation. I don't know if it's just because of some sort of defiance, because my dad was, you know, a bit of a deadbeat and useless my whole life was like, I got to prove him wrong, or I have to prove myself wrong. So in order for me to start to feel strong, I just have to, like, fake it. I'm like, Okay, what would a real man do in this situation? Okay, this is what he would do. So I'm gonna go be that. So that's essentially where it came from. For me, man,

Curt Storring 40:29

there's a lot of good things like that, where you just get strong, because you want to be strong, because man would be strong. And on the flip side, it sounds like that probably led to a lot of destructive behavior as well with drugs and promiscuous sex and porn and all that kind of stuff. What was that journey? Like? Because it sounds like you've had to get over alcohol, porn, you know, promiscuous sex, all of these vices that taken one at a time seem extremely difficult to get over and that you've got like a stack of, of winds from the sounds of it. What has been your experience with those things? I know, do in our, in our groups in our programs, we talked about porn a lot, because I am very anti porn. And guys don't like I talked about why I don't watch it. And they're like, Well, why is it wrong? Like I didn't, I never even thought it could be wrong, that guys haven't even put that in their brain that it might actually not be good. It's just a normal thing. So not even necessarily focusing on just the porn, but all of these things that you've got over? What has been your path? How have you been able to have victory over these things that otherwise? Like? I don't know, man, maybe like you said something earlier about standards, validation, whatever, maybe you're trying to lose yourself in there. How did you get through all that?

Mike Pantile 41:38

I knew in the back of my mind, the man that I wanted to become, would not be engaging in any of these behaviors. And also to all of the change that has come from my life has come from I'm just tired of being in pain. Whether that's spiritual pain, mental pain, or physical pain, right. So when I started to lose the weight, I was in tremendous amount of physical pain. And so like literally, and obviously spiritual pain, because I was walking around with so much inflammation, I couldn't, you know, walk up a flight of stairs. And with porn, there was just something that every every man has, like this internal, like, you know, this internal governor. So once he's closed his laptop and shut off his phone, he knows he shouldn't be his stomach in his brain, that primordial brain is a lot smarter than this brain up here. It knows what you shouldn't shouldn't be doing. And you can rationalize in any which way. And for me with the porn stuff, I'm like, I'm just tired of being in pain I'm tired of and this is what it comes down to being out of touch with my physical masculinity. And this is why this stuff is so destructive. And this is why I talk about it with so much passionate conviction conviction that you don't even have to be a person of faith to agree that it's the iconography of the devil. And the devil can be whatever you assign it to be, it can be all things that are bad, not necessarily biblical Satan, you know what I'm saying? But if there's something that prevents you from getting an erection, your physical manhood, then it's deeply what is it doing to your spirit, your your spirituality and your mental health. That to me was like, I gotta I gotta stop this immediately. And then also, I'll never forget this one time that I admitted at the beginning, like this was a couple of years ago with with Karen that I was like, oh, yeah, you know, I watched porn, and how hurt she was to Now this wasn't the reason I quit. The reason I quit is because I was in pain. I didn't want to struggle with Could I get an erection today? Or could I not? I didn't wanna struggle with this shame. I didn't want to struggle with Why do I have a hard time maintaining eye contact with a woman? Why do I feel so low energy, and like, I take no desire from the things I used to like, is because it was just completely destroying my dopamine circuitry. So after research, and then being in pain, you're taking that research, you're taking that practical experience, you bring it together, you're like, I need to get rid of this stuff. This is awful. Then coupled that with the fact that when she found this out, she was destroyed. She was like, and you know, a lot of people are like, Yeah, but porn isn't cheating. And, you know, we can go into that argument back and forth, it doesn't really matter. The fact of the matter, is it that it hurt her deeply. And I'm like, then why am I watching this stuff? And this is a woman that's like completely willing, you know, to have sex with me make love with me and all this stuff. Why am I going over here to? Because I'm gonna tell you in many guys listening to this same thing, man, listen, there's videos that I've watched years and years ago that are just burned and imprinted to my brain, they'll just never go away. And those, and that's just how powerful it is. And I wish I wish, like an extra sketch, I could just like shake my brain and get rid of these images, but I can't. And so and I've been far removed from porn for a very, very, very long time. And so it just goes to show you how potent it is. So you take those three things in combination, and I'm like, this has got to go. And then I just see this disordered behavior. And my friends, the way that they talk about women, the way they talk about their sexual experiences about women. And then when you come to the fact that sex ain't like that at all, and especially now told my married men, listen to this. How much more incredible is the sex with your wife? Now that you're married, you're yoked and spirit yoked in this container? That is marriage and union. There's nothing better I would never take What I the life that I had before for what I have now, you know, as men, of course, like we see beautiful women and you know, your eye kind of doesn't wander but you look, it's nothing wrong with that as long as your intentions are good, but I could never, never ever go back to that, in fact, the more convicted I am, in my spirit in my marriage in my my role as father and man, I don't even look at women anymore that way. You know, when I look at people dressing promiscuously, whether it's, you know, men trying to show off their their physiques or women trying to do the same thing, I'm like, you're like, probably hurting, aren't you? There's, there's probably something out there. And I'm not trying to judge you, because I'm better than you. I'm not like this morally superior Christian. I'm like, we're, our mess, is our message, period. And I think that's why some of the stuff that I've been talking about social media has been particularly powerful. And to have such a small page, because it's under 1000 followers now, man, I've had dozens of messages from guys, and even from women already. And you've probably experienced, like, it's crazy, the amount of engagement, guys are needing this type of stuff. They're wanting it. So anyways, I'm going off on a separate tangent, but those are the particular reasons why I quit and how I got over it.

Curt Storring 46:04

Man, okay, so you got to get very clear about the pain, you've got to see how that is not the man you want to be. And you have to be in integrity, because I've seen from your story, it sounds like you at least checked yourself regularly against that integrity, which is to say, I want to do the right thing here. And that's, that's curious, because living the life that you were living, doing all these things that didn't seem all that great. That seems like the thing that would be turned down a lot. Was there something about integrity that you were able to tap into? Was it these other men who came into your life? Was it the faith piece? Like how? I don't know man like that integrity? Like you said, the discerning gift? I feel like I got that too. And maybe that's what it is. But how else are you seeing yourself or other guys being able to tap into that integrity? And then follow through on it? Was there anything that helped along the way? Or is it just like shit, man, I can't be this guy who's not an integrity.

Mike Pantile 46:58

There's that and there was this, this this piece of like, my whole life, man, since I was a young boy, I'm like, I want to be a dad so bad. And so I think it's because obviously, I'm thinking it's because it's because I didn't really have a dad growing up. And so seeing seeing that my dad now is in spiritual bondage. He's not really like fully cognizant of, you know, the world right now too much, you know, just too much drug uses, as got him in this place where I think only Jesus can pull them out of but nevertheless, it's like, What kind of father did I need? What kind of man did I need in my life? You gotta be that man. Bingo. That's what it is. And so when I think about my purpose, it's like, I gotta be a father. And so before I was a father, I tried to be a mentor to other guys, just like I'm doing right now. But I think right now I got more credibility and more receipts to prove and say, Hey, here's some here's some stuff. Like, it's not just like red pill, how to get girls, you know, mentorship, it's like real stuff. But I've always just wanted to be in a position where like, young guys wanted to come to me to to become better men, and in that healed me and allowed me to become a better man. And so that's what it came from. I hope that answers your question is like, I just wanted to be that strong father figure that role model. I don't want to be like an influencer, or you know, authoritative figure. I'm like, I want to sit like Jesus did with the sinners and, and help them all out because I'm a sinner too. And so I'm like, Well, if I have a kid, and at the time, I thought it was gonna be a son. I was really convinced my child was going to be a son, and we didn't find out the gender. So when the girl came out, I was like, this god softening my heart, and it's the best thing that ever happened. I'm so happy I got a girl. Because, dude, I wasn't prepared even last year to have a boy. You know what I'm saying? I just wasn't, because we need two little mics that are reckless, that are not like fully, like in their faith. No, man. So that's certainly where it came from. For sure,

Curt Storring 48:41

man, yeah, I literally, we we've got three boys right now. And I know it's probably gonna be another boy because my wife's pregnant right now. And dude, I am praying for a girl because of the softening of the heart. Because I let myself go, what if that happens, and I thought about it, and I just like started melting. And I was like, Oh, I gotta put a like, I gotta put a plug on that. Because if it doesn't happen, I'm gonna be heartbroken. So, you know, anyway, that's awesome to hear that that was your experience, as well, as you stepped into that. So this has been awesome, because I also noticed, becoming a dad becoming a husband. That was the work for me, like I would never have grown into who I was today without all those triggers along the way, bashing into my wife's way of doing things bashing and having a son and bashing and having an older son, and then more sons. It's like, Dude, it's going through life on hardmode. But the way that we grow is by being confronted with all of our weakness, and that's what I loved most about the difficulty of it all. What are you seeing in your life today? Now that you are that dad now that you are that husband? I mean, you guys, like dude, you made a daunting thing. We talked about it, but you made this big choice to move away. And like be the family man. What has that been? Like? I just want to say there's probably a lot of young dads listening to this. There's probably a lot of dads who are like, can I make the decision to go all in on family you want Haven't I've been in my business? I've been in my addictions. Can you just walk us through that? And I know it's sort of new for you, but like, what has been your experience going? I'm all in.

Mike Pantile 50:08

Dude, that's give me chills because that's the shirt that I wore when I got baptized. That my pastor gave me. fire alarms going off here. It's all good. We're good. Okay, geez, so sorry about that. I have no idea what's happening. Okay, um, Dude, that was that was a, there's a couple of reasons as to why that happened. And so there was this place where my wife moved to Vancouver, and she didn't have much family or friends in Vancouver. And so when we bought this place, this little 750 square foot home that we got, you know, blessing, still, but still a small, my wife's very social. And so she's now at home with his baby, I'm gone at my studio working 12 1314 hour days, six days a week, saving money, saving money, paying the mortgage, doing my thing trying to, I wasn't there, I wasn't able to be there for my family. And so what I would find it was I'd come home and I would drink and I'd be there with my daughter for like an hour, and I'd be present with her. But that passed out an hour later. And there wasn't like that quality time. It just, it was to success and money focused. And so I was like, man, like, this is not all it's cracked up to be man. Like we were about to buy a house, you know, out in the valley somewhere and had these aspirations to these dreams to do that. And then I woke up, I'm like, Man, do I want less time with my family then? Because I already have no time. My daughter. You know, she's so young. She's, you know, at the time, like, she didn't really know who I was. She was a little like, little meat sack. You know, babies come out fresh out the oven, right? I was like, oh, yeah, I can just work like this. And in a couple of years, I can just work my ass off and she won't care. You know, she's not going to notice. But she will notice. So I woke up after a really hard argument with my wife. And I thought I was like, Man, I like I don't, I don't want to be here anymore. I'm tired of being trapped by these golden handcuffs like, my business isn't moving as much as it could be. Because I was just tired all the time. And I didn't I don't think I was as passionate about it at the time either. So we had been to Alberta before to check out property. But we were almost going to do it. But we didn't. It wasn't the right time. That's when my wife was pregnant. But this time I woke up and I'm like, first of all, I need to shake up, I need to put myself in a position of pressure where I'm on the backfoot again, because I forgot what that felt like, Dude, you know, you mean when money's rolling in and things are going good. You're like, Yeah, but then I noticed I'm doing it. Idle hands are the devil's playground, I started drinking more, I started doing more stuff like that just to kind of fill this void of productivity that like, just because I was working and making money, it wasn't fulfilling that little, you know, I need to be pushing against something that's pushing against me. So I said, I was like, You know what, maybe we're gonna build a house in your hometown. So we drove down, because at the time, we couldn't fly, because you know, the COVID and stuff. So we drove down. We looked at properties. I took three weeks off of work, I was just losing money. But whatever. I was, like, I'm here for a reason. By the last day, before we were supposed to leave, we found this lot. And we signed the papers. And that was it. The mortgage pre approval process, being self employed was a nightmare. But God always provided right before we were going to leave, we were demoralized. I was like, No, we're gonna look at one more home. One more show home, we're gonna go. And that was the one. And so when he drove back, obviously, there's a lot of emotions. But I'm like, if I really want to step into the type of father that I want to be, I got to do what my grandfather did in the 60s, and I gotta leave, I gotta move. I gotta move away. I need to, I feel too comfortable here. I'm going to do what he did mind you, he came over here with nothing. I'm going over there with resources and a home and a place to stay. And I'm going to tell you, man, one of the most difficult decisions I've ever had to make. We drive here saying goodbye to my family was like completely foreign to me my gym, my business was in the two kilometer radius where I grew up. So I never moved out of that, like little radius of East Vancouver man, like my childhood home was here. My grandpa lived here. My mom lived here. So it's like, this is all that I knew all my friends everything. And not just that this like attachment to money. I was like, I'm gonna go over here. Yeah, I got you know, good savings, we're going to be able we're going to be good. But the income wasn't there. So what did I do? Okay, so I pivoted the gym business model. It's now a membership based gym model. So all my old members and clients are operating there. It makes me some money still, it's awesome. They're still served. I come over here and I seek out an opportunity online, I message a friend. I'm like, Hey, man, any opportunities do you have in Alberta for work? He's like, actually, Mike, he goes, You know what, because you helped me six years ago, you'd let me train at your gym for free. For free. His name is Dean. He lives here in St. Albert, Alberta. He's like, I'm gonna refer you to a director at this online fitness startup called macros, Inc. and see what you can do do it. I was hired on the spot and went through training. And now I have this Well, I have a personal training business here and online business here on my business in Vancouver, and I'm a coach online working with tons of clients across North America. And so, but I didn't see the fruits of that labor yet. So we moved here and I'm like, I go from making X amount to like, a core We're about or less. And so all of a sudden my identity is man's like, you're not a provider anymore. You're a loser. You moved here but you're a loser. What if you're not gonna be able to rebuild like what's wrong with you? Why did you do this? I went through this period of regret and then I started in June, July, I was drinking more drinking more again, I'm I'm not gonna lie, man, this pressure, but I'm still working. And it wasn't until the last couple of months. And we went through insane amount of challenges even here. You know, we had falling out with my in laws, we had to move out of there to one year, Airbnb, we had to move out of that Airbnb to another one to my brother in law's. So I'm gonna save the details. But it was a very, very turbulent road for my wife and I, and when we took possession of the house, and now the last couple of months, now I'm starting to see the fruits of my labor. And, and now I'm starting to see that sacrifice. And now I wake up with a sense of fulfillment, knowing that I put my family before me because I lived a life that was self centered, and narcissistic and egotistical. So to make this long winded again, I had to do that for them. But I did it for them just as much as I did it for myself. I'm like, I'm going to put them first. What What kind of man is going to be at the other side of this, I just finished reading this book book called Outwitting the Devil, by Napoleon Hill. It's a beautiful book, and the whole thing, the premise is, as you go through adversity and challenges and you persevere, you meet your other self. When I made this man page, the beginning of October, I was like, I just felt this calling. I remember my my wife saying, like, you know, make that page this week of the year, take a picture of me right now I'm gonna create a write up. And so I'm just like, I don't care if nobody pays attention to this. I think I got receipts to show that I've done my job. As a man, I've continued to do my job as a man. And it's funny. I'm going to refer to another book, I just finished reading this book called The Power of One more by Ed, my let and it's like your one more conversation, your one post away, you're one more thing away from changing your life. So it wasn't for that move. All the stuff that I did. And then this post that I made last Wednesday, about not leaving your wife the scraps at the end of the day, I was on our homie Ryan King sees it and sees it fit to like posting and story and then all of a sudden, like, again, my followers, My followship is low. But it just goes to show you that that that thing, that very thing is true. We're one decision, one phone call one post one thing away from completely transforming our life. So long story short story long. I needed to put them before me in order to discover the depths of the man that I could be, period. Boom, yeah.

Curt Storring 57:27

I love that man. Yeah, that was that was awesome. And that's, that's the thing that I think I found you on to Ryan was talking to us and a couple of us in the group like, Hey, man, have you seen this new guy like I want to, I want to help this new guy, he's got the stuff, you want to just, let's just wrap this out from sort of your story into what you're seeing broadly as a man now, because this is so exciting to you. Like, I love that this is new and fresh. And I'm excited for you. Because I know, there's gonna be a lot of like, shovels in the face over the next number of months. And I want you to like, I'm here for you do just FYI. And I hope that you're there for me too, because I got more kids coming. I got all this kind of stuff. But what is it maybe the last few minutes this conversation, if you could distill it down, that is such a problem with what our idea of a man is today, which you fell into by the sounds of it, which I didn't even know that there was an idea of a man I was just winging it, and I failed miserably. But there's a problem, man, like what you just said, I want to dive a little bit more into leaving scraps for your wife, not being a man of integrity, being having those handcuffs, you know, with porn, addiction, whatever it is, there's a problem here. What is the message now that you have gone through the shake up in your life? And you're on the other side of that in many ways? What is this message that you're trying to get out to guys is Have you thought about like sussing, breaking it down a little bit for guys to get their hands around,

Mike Pantile 58:45

I think guys need to step into service to other to their fellow man or their communities, they need to take more responsibility. And they need to step into the creators that God meant for them being a creator, and not a consumer. Because what I see is that we're born conquerors, we have this this this soul of this nature, to conquer and move mountains. But instead, we've been conquered by ourselves and our earthly desires. So what I really want to see is men taking up the cross of responsibility, meaning raising their families, fiercely in Christ and in faith, and in not just being spiritually mentally strong, but also being physically strong and showing it to because what I really want to speak to, and I felt like I feel like there's a deficit of masculinity specifically, within Christianity. And I think there needs to be more men that are strong, visually strong, spiritually strong, that come to the forefront and say, all of this red pill stuff, this player, pickup artist stuff is all false. This idea of toxic masculinity has come from false pretenses of what manhood is. manhood is leadership. It's guidance, it's love. And it's servitude, and it's humility. It's none of the things people think that it is. So I just want to see guys give up these desires that are crushing them and are holding them back and to take up the risk. possibility and the cross have a defined purpose.

Curt Storring 1:00:06

Man, that's so good. And I have 100% agreement with all of that. And it's tragic that guys are not living with anything to model themselves after. And that's one of the things that I like about doing this, this work is that I'm just learning as I go. And I'm leaning on other guys like I'm building on the shoulders of giants, but I had to find those guys. And that is not the way it should be. And for my sons do, they're just going to know inherently as they grew up, oh, yeah, my dad's a man. And that's who I want to be. But for guys like you and me, like, shit, it's taken a long, painful journey. And so I love that you're touching on that, because that's what this is about. How do we become elite men, husband and fathers, when society and most of our fathers have less left us out to dry? And so man, I'm super pumped about that. And all those things that you said, are the balanced nuanced, mature masculinity, harder kill easier love, it's got to be both and you have to sit with like you said earlier discernment between those two poles, to know when and where to be each. The gardener in the war doesn't sound very good, but the warrior in the garden, rather be that so you got to have both sides. Dude, any last thoughts? I think like we're gonna have to do a round two at some point, because there's a lot in there that we didn't get to circle back to but people can find you online as well. Any last thoughts? And or where do you want to send guys to find more about your message?

Mike Pantile 1:01:32

Well, my, my page is My name is Mike panty lay on Instagram. I was thinking about changes that I'm gonna get whatever, I'm just gonna keep my name. It's so It's Mike. And then it's spelt pantile. But it's panty Olay. All I want to say to you, Kurt, is that you're doing God's work, brother, I know I dominated the majority of this conversation. I'm pretty caffeinated and fired up. I was so excited for this. But just to know men like you, and Ryan, and Brendan, and everybody in this space, and how you guys have sort of like taken me under your wing and away and say, Hey, listen, this is what we're all about. Let's help support the other brother. I think you guys are doing incredible work. And you guys are the reason that real masculinity and traditionalism is coming back. We're going to replace the manosphere with the father's fear. And it's because of men like you, Ryan, Brandon, myself and John Rios of primal virtues, and everybody else involved in this space. So thank you, sincerely,

Curt Storring 1:02:20

man, thank you for all of that, brother. I really appreciate that affirmation. And actually, all those guys have been on the podcast. So if you're listening Dad.Work slash podcast, same thing for the link to Mike's Instagram, as well as anything else that we're gonna add in this conversation Dad.Work slash podcast show notes. Leave us a review. Follow us on Instagram, both Mike and myself if you're not already and guys, thanks for being here with me, Mike. Blessings, my friend. I really appreciate you sharing so openly because it's gonna help a lot of dudes. So thank you. Thank you, brother. God bless you. Thank you for listening to the dad work podcast. That's it for this episode. But if you would like to stay in touch between weekly episodes, why don't you go over to Instagram and follow me there because I draw up a number of things throughout the week that are related to what we talked about on this podcast, but usually go a little bit deeper. provide some tips you can find me on Instagram at dad work dot Kurt. That's da di W O RK dot c u r t. And please, if you have been getting something out of this podcast, if it has touched you if it has improved your marriage, your parenting or your life, would you please leave a quick review on Apple or Spotify. leave a rating. If you have a few extra seconds, leave a quick review. That's the best way that we can get this work in the hands of more fathers. And I truly believe that we change the world, one father at a time because each father that parents better that loves better raises children who do the same. And in just a couple of generations. I feel like we could be living in a world much better than the one we live in today. Your review will help along that path. And I thank you so much for being here to listen until next week. We'll see you then.

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