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Today’s guest is Ross Hillier.
We go deep today talking about:
- How to prioritize the most important things in your life and make fast decisions that lead to success
- The absolute blessing of building and continually earning the trust of your wife and kids
- Masculine leadership, and how to develop more of it through strength and fitness
- Why discipline is the foundation of leadership, and how to tap into it
- The importance of vision
- How to set goals that you will ACTUALLY accomplish, instead of hoping, wishing, and failing
Ross Hillier is a fitness coach who’s work is Building men into leaders through strength, health, and the outdoors.
He’s the Host of The Nomad Strength Show which you can find on Apple, Youtube, or anywhere else you listen to podcasts.
Find Ross online at:
IG – www.instagram.com/coachrosshillier
Twitter – www.twitter.com/therosshillier
Youtube – www.Youtube.com/@nomadstrength
Website – www.Nomad-strength.com
Nomad Foundations 8 week program: www.nomad-strength.com/nomad-foundations
The Nomad Strength Show
Unknown Speaker 0:00
If you are the foundation of your family, you are the firm footing. They build their lives on. You carry a glorious burden and you never dream of laying it down. You carry it with joy and gratitude. You show up, even when you don't feel like it. You lead, serve, love and protect. You are a father. This is the dead word podcast where men are forged into elite husbands and fathers by learning what it takes to become harder to kill, easier to love and equipped to lead. Get ready to start building the only legacy that truly matters. Your family
Curt Storring 0:59
All right, guys, welcome back. This is Curt Storring, your host of the Dad.Work Podcast. I am joined today by Ross Hillier. Ross is a fitness coach whose work is building men into leaders through strength, health, and the outdoors. He's also the host of the Nomad strengths show which you can find on Apple, YouTube or anywhere else. You listen to podcasts and guys, I was on Ross's show recently, the Nomad strength show and it was awesome. I loved his energy. I love what he stands for. I love that he connects strength with fatherhood and the outdoors and all these things that just keep us operating as elite men, husbands and fathers. And there was this like, honestly what felt like divine intervention during this podcast episode with Ross, where I was sharing my testimony. I was sharing what's real for me and my new faith journey with God and I was down to 1% battery. Okay, there was a storm my power was out I was tethered to my phone for internet on this podcast. Probably a terrible connection 1% life left on my laptop I was getting into this I was like, Oh no, this is like really important to talk about. I'm going to die here 1% left guys power turns back on laptop is saved. Unbelievable. I felt the brush with the Lord it was in sane. This episode, we go deep talking about how to prioritize the most important things in your life and make fast decisions that lead to success. The absolute blessing of building and continually earning the trust of your wife and kids masculine leadership and how to develop more of it through strength and fitness. Why discipline is the foundation of leadership and how to tap into it. The importance of vision and how to set goals that you will actually accomplish instead of hoping, wishing and failing. Guys if you want to check out more about Ross you can find him on Instagram coach Ross Hillier, Twitter, the Ross Hillier, YouTube, nomads strength, his podcast and Nomad strength show you can also find his website Nomad dash strength, where you can also find his eight week Nomad Foundations Program. Nomad, Dash strength.com/nomad-foundations, you're gonna want to check Ross out. This is awesome. And guys, if you have been enjoying the podcast, two things, first of all, would you please review it? I know I asked every couple of weeks here, but it's because it's important. I have received absolutely insane reviews from guys who say that this work has changed their lives. And you know what? That's because they took action. So if you have seen any improvement in your life because of the data or podcast, would you please leave a review on Apple and a rating on Spotify, because it helps it get into the ears of more men. Reviews are a trust signal. As you know, you guys have been listening to this. So you know what we talked about here, but the other men might not. And there's a lot of dad podcasts out there that are pretty, you know, it's on the surface or they don't really update that often. This guy's is honestly like a legacy project. We're gonna keep doing this indefinitely. Every week we show up we dive into what makes men elite men, husbands and fathers. So if you could help me out with that vision, please would you leave a review and a rating. The second thing is guys, if you want to dive into a free training that I just recorded, you can watch that at Dad.Work slash training. This is my four step family foundation formula that I've used to go from pretty awful, like genuinely awful man husband and father to calm confident, assured, masculine leader it's all in there guys what to do the four steps how I do it all in there. So go to Dad.Work slash training and hop on that as well. Anyway, without further ado, here's Ross Hillier on the dad work podcast here we go. All right, dads, we are here for another episode of The dad word podcast this time with my friend Ross. Dude, I was on your podcast, I think last week or the week before and it was like there's some divine intervention going on dude, like I just about lost my internet my power 1% left as I was telling my testimony on your podcast, he was like, boom, power back on and he was crazy. Like I felt a brush man. So I'm excited to have you back on because who knows what's going to happen this time. But dude, welcome and thank you for being here. Thanks for being awesome dad. And we're gonna get into it. So how are you doing today, man?
Ross Hillier 4:54
I'm doing great man and technology be damned last time we got it done. And I'm glad there's none of that this time. So we see And we absolutely go. But I'm good man. I'm excited to talk to you some more.
Curt Storring 5:04
Amazing. Yeah, it was so good to, to connect, because I think we connected on Instagram and it's like, You're crushing it, you're crushing it with fitness, you're entrepreneur, like you've got all these things going on you like being outside. You're all about masculinity. It's like, Man, I think we should be friends. So I'm excited to have you on here. And I want to hear though, the story that I haven't really heard as much, which is where you came from? Like, what is your story? How many kids have you got how long you've been married? What was that journey like for you? Now that you're intentionally working on all this in your life? Why is this the case? Like where did you come from? Because mine was not a pretty story.
Ross Hillier 5:37
Right? So as far as the marriage, we are seven years in a little over seven years in. We got married in 15. So yeah, seven years, I always have to check my math on that. Not surprisingly. But I met my wife, my now wife when I was 13. She was two years older than me, she was 15. And kind of from the moment I met her, was like head over heels in love with her. And it didn't ever work out for several years. We dated for a little bit once when I was a senior and she was a sophomore in college. And that didn't really work very well, because, you know, she was a sophomore in college and off somewhere in another town, and I'm still at home and in high school, you know, tried it for a little bit didn't work. And then when I was a junior in college, and she had just graduated college and was in her first year, she was a teacher. Her first year teaching, she had moved back to the area that we were from, we started dating again, this time, me being the one that was a full state away. And we've been together since we did that distance thing for two years. While I finished up school, me living in Montana, and she was in back home in Idaho. So it was two years of except for summers, I'd come home for summer and like, you know, long Christmas breaks and stuff. But it was two years of see one weekend a month, whether I come down or she comes up and visits for a couple of days. But it was mostly Skype calls in the evening. And this was back before like FaceTime. And all that mean, like Skype was the only webcam conversation thing. And it was on the laptops, we didn't have phones that did it, you know. And so it was that pretty much every night after I finished up my classes, I always had a ton of night classes because I was an athlete in college. And so that was just how my schedule always was. But we did that for two years. And then when I moved back after college, we knew we wanted to move out of the area that we were in but move up to kind of the Boise area which is which is where we are now, I didn't have any real job prospects at the time I just graduated college, I was moving back. But she wanted to go up there and I'm like, I'm not going to do this distance thing again. If I don't have to, I'll move up there, I'll find something, you know, and I had, I found a roommate to go live with up there. She had somebody that she was living with that she had, you know, straightened away already. And I got a job at a gym. Because I'm like, I've kind of helped people out a little bit with with workouts in the past I've studied this a you know, read. For years now, I've always loved training that was always like one of my favorite parts of sports was the actual training part of it. So I'm like, I'll just go get a job at a gym and train some people there and not expecting that to be the career move. Right? I was at a big box. Exactly. I was at a big box gym, you know, kind of like a Gold's Gym kind of thing. But it was a local company. 30,000 members between three gyms in the area, you know, I mean, it's like massive place Globo gym style stuff. And it was great as a new trainer because they feed you clients. And so I got tons and tons of hours seeing people move learning how to program more effectively for people just watching all different shapes and sizes of people from a Coach's Eye perspective. And that ended up after a couple of years of doing that. from a business point. I'm like, you know, I could I could do this. at the, at the worst, I can do this just as well as they're doing it, but not have to pay them 70% of my paycheck for session rates to make my own money, you know, and so after a couple years I left that and decided to do and to back up a little bit. Three months or four months after we had both moved up here I proposed to she was my girlfriend time so it was only a few months after we had moved up here and we were married less than a year later. So it didn't take long after we I got back from college and stuff that we that we got married and so then yeah a year later started doing everything on my own, bounced around a couple of boutique gyms just like paying rent like a barbershop. You go in you pay rent to the person that owns the gym and you get to bring your clients in and train them whenever kind of whenever you want. And I did that for several years. And then in 2019 my first son was born and he was born in June and I wanted to be around. Obviously, for him as an infant and young, you know, you don't get a lot of those experiences when they're when they're super young. And being in the gym, you're always at the mercy of other people's times that they're available, especially in the gym, it's always early morning and evening, because it's when those people aren't at work, you know, and then I'd have all day long of not training people, I would be doing other things like building a business and whatever. But the times that I'm Gone are the times when the whole family is home, you know, and so I didn't want that to be the case. And I realized that there's got to be a more sustainable way to do this, that I can be a part of everybody's lives and be around and all that kind of stuff. And so in October of 19, I made the move to leave the gym completely, and do everything online. So I started coaching online and bringing in clients, I started with my in person clients that were willing to stay my clients, but then just have any program and coach them remotely. And they had another gym that they went to, but I did their training programs, we would do coaching, calls, all that kind of stuff. And the business has looked a ton of different ways since then, with refining and me figuring out all the ways not to do it. And I'm still learning there's, there's things that I'm going to do in a year that I'm I don't even have an idea of right now. But what it allowed me to do was be home for half the day, every afternoon with my infant son, like from basically from 1230, or one o'clock until four, when my wife got home from school as a teacher, I got to hang out with him for several hours every day, and be the one to watch him which is like, you can't replace that ever, you know, like it was totally worth the few hours that I potentially wasn't grinding, you know, like to be able to spend that time with him. And it was awesome. And we actually have a pretty similar setup now because we just had another one in July, another child in July daughter. And luckily our My in laws are around that watch her during the day. I go pick her up still a little bit later. But I still get about an hour and a half to two hours with her before the my son and wife get home from school and daycare. And so I still get that little bit of time with her. And like that's the kind of stuff I wouldn't trade for anything like just that personal time, when they're this young. It's just like, That's all of it. You know, like, that's the reason why I set up my entire business. The way that I did was so good, like spend those couple hours a day, if that's all it is where it's just the two of us, you know, and so super long winded answer all the way around, to get to get to where we are now. But that's you know, that's where we are now trained remotely, I coach remotely out of the podcast. And then my wife actually just went back to school this week, like after going back in so we're in like this weird transition week of everybody's adjusting to like the new schedules and getting the kids to Grandma's and all that kind of stuff. And so we're that's right where we are right now. But it's been man, it's been great.
Curt Storring 12:54
Man, it's right in the thick of it. Real life, right? And what you said there man like that is a decision point in your life, where you went, Oh, I could just keep doing this. I could keep doing. I don't want to say the easy way. But like the usual way of I got it clients, I'm at the gym like, oh, you know, I can't make it home because this is my job. But you made a decision, which you looked at your life and said, Here's what's important. I'm going to make everything work around this. Yeah. And I relate to that too, because I audit my life regularly to make sure first things are first things. But what was that decision making matrix like for you? Because most people don't do that. And that's what I want people to get from this particular bit of this is like, Dude, look at your life and make the right decision and prioritize what's important. So what did that look like for you?
Ross Hillier 13:35
Yeah, this is always a really fun story for me to tell, because it always, I can't say always, this generally my decision making process, the way that I do it, I might not recommend to a lot of people because it can be kind of stressful. So it's how and I am unbelievably blessed by the woman that I am married to, for her personality and the way that she handles the way I make decisions. Nobody else on the planet could could work with me on this like she does. And it's happened several times in starting the business. So the first one was when I actually left the gym and decided or when I left the big box gym to pursue my own business. I had found this place that I was doing some other like firearms training at and they have a big warehouse. And then I saw a bunch of like weight equipment over on the side. I said, what's all this stuff over here? And the guy that was instructing me at the time, he said, Well, we have a gal that has some trainers that sheet that pay her and she they drink. They're training the clients over here. Like really? That's pretty cool. So I met with her the next day. And she said yes, you know, 300 bucks a month and you can come in and train your clients whenever that's the only expense you'll ever have. You can use all the equipment, I'll give you a key just 300 bucks a month and come train all your clients. So in that moment I hadn't talked to hadn't talked to my wife Molly yet hadn't talked to anybody at the gym. I was currently working out but I went home to her that night, said I really want to do this. I think this is gonna be awesome. I'll be able to do things So I want to do them, she's like, that sounds awesome. Like, do your thing, whatever you need to do. And I think in her head, she was thinking, you know, hey, let me prep for a couple of months, let me get some things squared away. Like, let's get this ready to go. And then on a date, we decide we'll make the jump. Well, I went in two days later to my boss and gave my notice. And I said, um, this is what I'm doing, I found a good situation, I had zero plan, like I loved. And this is you'll see a theme in this several times where it's like, I'll make the plan, knowing that I'll just figure it out. Because I am the type where if I wait until things are perfect, or try to get everything in line, before I do something, I'll never do it. So I'll know like, I'm just gonna do it. I know how to take payments, like I can set up square, and like, take a credit card payment, and I have a calendar on my phone, like to book sessions, like, you know, that's all I need right now. And you learn as you go, and that was the approach I took. And then in the midst of that, she goes, All right, I trust you do your thing. And so that is so empowering in that moment. First of all, to like, on the high of me feeling like I can go do this and crush all this stuff to have somebody who's like, do it, I trust you. Like that's huge. That made me you can run through a wall with that kind of energy with that kind of support. So what happened that time, the next time it happened was when I decided to leave the gym and do everything online. And that one was a little less, if it was even if it was even possible, even less, quote unquote, secure. Because I actually knew on the front end that I would be losing a decent amount of income for the first month or so for people who didn't want to make that transition online. So I would have to go and find new people right away, right? Basically the exact same situation. I knew when my son was born in June, my wife was going to go go back to school in October, or beginning of November. And like, alright, well, at the end of September, I'm going to be done in the gym. And I made this decision like in August. So a little bit more time than the time before. And she's like, alright, if you can figure it out, I know you can I trust you do your thing. And, and I'm like, All right, let's freakin do it. So like, you know, had a little bit more time while she was at home still, I could kind of get some things set up a little bit better than I did the last time. But that same, that same exact thing, like I had the date, and I'm just like, alright, we're doing this, I don't know a ton. Like I know how to set up I have a program that I can give people workouts in. And like I can set up weekly calls via zoom, you know. And so it was very rudimentary at the time. And at the time, I'm looking back on this now. Unbelievably blessed I was in this moment, to have made the decision to go online about six months before every gym in the world went online, and completely saturated everything and nobody knew what they were doing. So um, I had six months of all of those feelings. And then when all that happened, I was like, I'm okay, like, I've got my system, how it works right now, I'm not freaking out, you know, I have my I'm already doing this. I don't need all of the other panic moves that are like things that I'm going to regret later on just to make income right now. Like I'm set, I can be okay. And started working with business coaches around that time. And you just you're always evolving as a business owner. Like I said, things look different now than they did a year ago. And they'll look different in a year than they do right now. And so. But the idea of having that support really takes the decision making thing over the edge for me, like, I've, I could have been with somebody who's like, this sounds great. But maybe we wait a few months. You know, let's let's make sure we do all this kind of stuff first and get all these things squared away. And if that was the case, like I know, my personality, some of this stuff might have never happened. If I was with somebody that had said something like that maybe not even being unsupportive, but just this, let's do this. But you know, and for me, she's like, Yeah, do it. I trust you do your thing. And that was always the thing. I remember her saying she's like, do your thing. And I'm like, Man, I take over the world. If you told me to do my thing, you know what I mean? And so it's like, having that level of support. Just, I mean, that was everything for me in that regard. And so that's been one of the best blessings ever of being married to her is like, just that relationship that we have is led to so many awesome things.
Curt Storring 19:18
Man, that's beautiful. And I love this because I see so much of myself and your story. And I don't meet a lot of people that that happens to so I'm like, pumping my fist here. Nice. Also going like, Dude, it took you like a month to figure out the second step. You're slacking like a couple days the first what do you do it? No, I'm just kidding. But dude, the thing that comes up and this was like this is totally off track, which is awesome because this is where the best podcasts come from. The fact that your wife trusted you in that meant that you were a trustworthy men meant that you are a man of integrity because I literally my wife is coming on the podcast. I've already recorded it. I think it's out from this point on next week. This will come out in a few weeks. So anyway, times all messed up. My wife is going to the podcast, and she told me it was her trust in me and my integrity that had her staying with me during the hardest times. Because when I said I was going to do something, she saw it play out in every other aspect of my life, the simple decisions, going to the gym, when I said it was going to getting better when I said it was going to run a business when I said I was going to like all of these things. And I make snap decisions too. So they just sort of mostly work out. And I'm very grateful for that. But it was like, she had to trust me for my whole body of work, to continue to trust me on the crazy things that I do. So as you reflect on that, do you see that being sort of accurate in your relationship with your wife? And and why do you think she trusted you so much? What were what, what kind of men were? Or are you that that was so easy for her to trust?
Ross Hillier 20:45
I think a big part of it is, and this is where we were fortunate. Just because at this point, I'm 30, she's 32 We've known each other over half of our lives, right? Like there's just a body of work of relationship of knowing each other for that long, that by the time we decided to get together and officially start dating all that stuff. She'd known me for 10 years, right? Like we'd been friends and tried the dating thing, it didn't work, but we weren't, it wasn't like a bad deal. We were still friends and like, like, we had other relationships, each of us in that time before we started dating again. But we had built up 10 years of friendship, and a friendship doesn't last that long. If there's no trust there anyways, you know, like you don't have real friends that lasts that long. If you don't trust him, you know, like, you can have acquaintances and people that you're happy to see when you see him somewhere. But like, for a real relationship as a friend to last 10 years, that's a that's a relationship. Like it's it's obviously different than a spousal relationship, or like boyfriend girlfriend, but the same amount of the same amount of trust, the same amount of work, all that stuff goes into even just a friendship for it to last that long. So I went in with us already pretty much knowing everything about each other. Like, it seemed like, we kind of were together this whole time, we just weren't together this whole time. So when we finally did start dating, it was like, I mean, it was new, but it really wasn't at the same time. So like, I mean, I'd known her family forever. She'd known my family, she was good friends with my younger sister, like, there was all these things that are like all these other steps in a relationship that happened later on after beginning, right. But we had done them before starting. So it was like this, it was like this backwards kind of way of doing it. And I don't mean backwards is like it was the the wrong way. But it was just the way that our timelines with everything matched up. So in my sense, I felt like, you know, we were coming into the relationship, and then us getting married, already, essentially being together for a decade, to a degree, you know, and so, you know, if I was answering this from the point of view as how it was when I was 13. Like, I think we probably know, we don't want to hear any of those stories, because nobody, when they're 13 Has anything figured out? You know, I was 13. She was 15. Like, No, neither of us should be giving any advice from our stance on our relationship when we were 13 and 15 years old.
Curt Storring 23:17
So if Yeah, no, that's awesome. And let's just jump in quickly here. Because what you said just a moment ago is like you knew everything about each other? Yeah, I think that might be a key thing. Because in my relationship with my wife, one of the key metrics I look for is a gap between us. And usually what goes in that gap is resentment. So if there's anything that takes us from being like right next to each other, where we know everything we're feeling into each other, how it's going all the rest of it, I try and come back immediately. And usually, that's, you know, repenting or apologizing, or something on my head or asking for more information. Curiosity, what are your expectations here? What might I have done better? All these kinds of things, but it's because you knew so much about each other. I think that's maybe a call out to guys to have more conversation, because you guys had all that time to just be friends. Yeah. Right. And in that time, you're not like guarding yourself, because Oh, I hope she thinks I'm cool. And all the rest of this kind of stuff, right? There's just like rawness to it. And I think we could add a lot of that to our marriages. Do you guys continue communicating and stuff like that these days to bring that knowledge of each other continually forward into the future? What does that relationship look like now?
Ross Hillier 24:23
Yeah, it's it's obviously much different now that there are children in the picture, which the the communication aspect has definitely gone in. And I say different, not meaning it was an era was foreign to us. Right. Like we always still communicated and talk through things. And there was a, even from the very beginning we had, it might not be, you know, quote unquote, politically correct, but I don't care. Right. Like we had roles in our relationship from like, you're here the beginning, you know, and some people are like, Oh, why doesn't she do any of this stuff? Or why don't you do any of this stuff? Unlike the because this is the way it is like, this is our harmony with all this, these are the things like I do all of the financial stuff in our family, you know, and it's because it's not because I don't trust her to look at anything, she doesn't want to, she has no interest in it, she would rather be doing the other things around our home and with kids and that kind of stuff. And that's me knowing her personality on what things she's actually going to enjoy doing and still make everything productive for us. Right, like, I have my stuff that I do for the home and for the family, like, I do that, and then I'm responsible for all of outside, like, you know, everything, like all the yard work all that stuff. And, and she helps us some of that stuff. But and but she is also by large part responsible for everything inside the home. You know, and I mean, there's, there's stuff like that, right? So. But in terms of the communicating part, a lot of that changed with kids. And we're in a in a very interesting spot, I'll say the word interesting. We're in an interesting spot right now, because the oldest is three, almost three and a half. And he is incredibly smart. And very well spoken for a three and a half year old and on. And this is an endearing quality. And this is part of where I am right now where I have to learn how to foster this trait in him, instead of squashing it, because it's going to be something that is going to be beneficial for him as he gets older. He is the most stubborn child in the on the history of this planet. And, and I know that that's causing issues right now with the way that we communicate with him and stuff. So we are my wife and I Molly, we are constantly talking like how can we better communicate with him. And a lot of that starts with how are we communicating with each other when he's around. So he sees how we communicate how we behave, and all this kind of stuff. And because if you have toddlers or have had toddlers, you are completely aware that they can be three rooms away, reading a book or drawing or doing their thing. And they will hear exactly what you're talking about in the kitchen. And an answer in their room. Like they're a part of the conversation. And we're like I didn't even know, you could hear what we were saying let alone that you were listening to what we were saying. And then let alone that you understood what you were listening to. So it's a matter of all of these things right now where we're having to be very conscious about how the two of us are communicating with each other. Because he hears everything, but also teaching him how to communicate. And so there's a lot of modeling going on right now. And making sure like, are addressing things that need to be addressed. Or sometimes, you know, there'll be parents that disagree with this flat out ignoring him, when there's things that you know, he we don't want to acknowledge that he's doing rather than blowing up, right, and like freaking out. And there have been moments where there's discipline involved, right. But at the same time, there are things where you're like, just ignore him, he, he's looking for the attention, us giving that attention to him is reinforcing whatever, whatever he's doing that we don't want him to do, because he's just getting us to look at him, right. So sometimes we'll literally just completely block him out. And it drives him crazy. But then he'll get distracted and go in his room and start doing other things. But it's it's interesting with all this communication right now, having that third, being having to be involved in the communication of our home changed a ton for us. And luckily, the youngest one is only three months old, we're not remotely there with her yet. So when there's a fourth one that we've got to navigate all of this stuff with, it's going to look even different than in two years, you know, when she's talking and being a part of everything, and then he'll be five, you know, I mean, it's just, we're right at the beginning of all this stuff with kids. And so it's, it's so amazing. And there's like, all of the wonderful things about it. But there's so much learning happening for both of us, obviously, him he's a sponge, here's everything, he soaks up everything. But for us to like he's teaching us unbelievably unbelievable amounts of things that, like I never even considered, like before having kids, you know, like just things I'd say are things that I would be listening to, that He hears, like your, your, your dad radar just goes off and like, oh, let's turn that song down. Like I never even noticed that lyric before. Like, you know what I mean? It's so stuff like that. But it's, it's, like I mentioned before, we're in this like, kind of awesome transition in a lot of timelines for us right now. And so it's been it's been challenging, but it's been super fun. You know, at the same time, like it's not it's not to say it's never difficult because there have been times where the two of us are just sit in silence in the living room on the couch, decompressing and we're like, I just need to go to bed. You know, I need to like, everything's good. We're good, but this day is over. Let's wake up a new and bring new energy in. Because this is what today is and that's fine, but there's there's definitely those Yes,
Curt Storring 29:57
dude, that's real. Talk, man, thank you for sharing that. Because that's like, that's just reality. And I think a lot of people go like, Oh, no, I'm alone up there, we do this, like, oh, I don't know if that's good. It's like, no, perfect, I love the energy that you brought in that last discussion there. Because it's like extremely intentional, it's understanding that you're, you are leading the family, which means you're leading your child in the way that you didn't want them to go. And you also recognize with humility, that there's a lot for you to learn. And I found that having kids was like my biggest growth hack, so to speak, in my whole life, I could do all this kind of stuff. And luckily, I had the very young that I didn't really know what it looks like to do without kids. Sure. But like, dude, I'm constantly being having my eyes open to like, oh, like you said, the lyric. Like, oh, no, put the parental control on that one. I don't want that.
Ross Hillier 30:48
Because I'm saying my entire life. And I'm like, oh, maybe not anymore. Yeah.
Curt Storring 30:52
Yeah. And for some reason you've never heard of before, reflected back by the miniature version of you, who will be that sponge. And it's so interesting that the communication is so intentional, because this one of the things I work with my clients on most is communication, right? And what you're saying is you're actively taking a role on Hey, babe, let's talk about how we communicate with the sun. Let's talk about how we communicate with each other. Let's have these conversations. It's like, it's just a part of your day in your life. Is there anywhere that that came from? Like is was your family communicative? Or how have you developed the skills? Because it is a skill? It's almost a difficult skill for a lot of people. But how have you developed this communication? habit or practice?
Ross Hillier 31:31
Yeah, growing up, I, we were, we always talked a lot about everything. I mean, we still now my mom and I can have unbelievably long conversations that start with a point of a conversation and go to places that don't have any point at all, but but we are always very open with each other, my sister was the same way with our mom and our dad. And that definitely plays a part. I think a big benefit in our home now, is I mentioned before, my wife is in education, elementary education. So the bulk of her professional life has been dealing with small children, seeing what works and what doesn't work when communicating with small children. And, you know, there's things that are, you know, there's research, whatever some of that is applicable. Some of it's not, not all of it matters, but you can see in real time just from repetition, like, kids do this, when you talk to him this way. Kids, don't listen, when you talk to him this way, or what I mean, like, she's had a lot of reps, you know, she's an elementary education. So K through four, she's been around for 10 years now teaching, right. And her and her mom, my mother in law, was a first grade teacher for 30 years. My sister, my younger sister, taught, teaches middle school taught middle school up until this year, she's in high school now, um, a family full of educators in our home. So like the communicating part of it was always something that they're very comfortable with. Because it's what they do all day, right? Like, I am comfortable in it, because of maybe just a little bit more of my personality, I don't have a problem. Communicating, if I did, I probably wouldn't have a podcast, I guess. Or be invited onto them. If I was boring, or didn't like talking like, this is not the mediator should have chosen, you know, I could have just written everything and been a writer instead. But I decided to do this because I enjoy it right. And so from that perspective, both of our personalities ended up kind of ended up working out pretty well. Or that it was, there's parts of it, where we've had to learn still, and talk about, here's how we need to do things, but it wasn't trying to get us to do it. Like it wasn't a struggle of, man, we need to have this conversation conversation. And, like one of us was really hesitant towards it, you know, like, cuz that can be a really big struggle with guys who just don't like to talk about anything, or, or wives that don't want to talk about certain things, or, you know, I mentioned before, like, we have our things that we do, but they're not like we're living separate lives from each other. We're still all together in everything. It's just we have different responsibilities, right? But talking about those things has never been an issue, which I understand is not the case. We're very fortunate in that regard. Because we both grew up in situations that, you know, we've had people in our families like, not because they didn't want to talk, but both of our dads are not like the chatty types, you know, not because they are like cold and didn't want to speak to us or whatever. That's just like, that's not their personality. Like they're, they're the strong, silent, old school, both of them, like her dad and my dad are both that way and love them both, right, but that's just wasn't their personality type. And so there was some of that working through but it's never been like a struggle, I guess in that regard. And that you know, I don't even like to say like, things aren't struggles, but that particular For instance, we've never had an issue with which is extremely fortunate because I know that's not the case for a lot of guys.
Curt Storring 35:06
Right? Are there any? And this might be tough just on the on the cuff. But are there any, like frameworks or principles or anything like that, that you have picked up or could distill for guys who is a problem for? And I know that's tough when it's just like, well, this is natural to me, and this is what I do. But anything that helps you guys in those communicative times any conversation things any like hacks that you could pick up? And again, if this is not coming, I totally understand. But let me just lay that out for you.
Ross Hillier 35:33
Yeah, no, this is good, because and I have a reason why I can give this answer. My my wife's role now in the school is called an instructional coach. So she works with the other teachers on developing teaching practices and curriculum kind of has like their coach for them. So we're both coaches. Right? So that gave me a little bit of a one up and to be able to have this conversation because I do things with my clients, like I'm sure you do, that are ways that you can ask questions to actually get things out of people, right? I've made the joke a bunch of times before, like, my job as a health and fitness coach is essentially a therapist, I just like working out, you know,
Curt Storring 36:17
Ross Hillier 36:20
That's really what it is. I just chose the gym as my medium to have those conversations like that's my vehicle to have those conversations for development, right. So if we're talking like in a practical sense, one of my favorite things is, when you're having conversation, practice this, it's called a curiosity game. And this was something that I learned from a business coach of mine, that helped get to the point of what I needed out of his coaching services. And he's like, You take this into your clients. This is how you know what people actually want, because you're able to dig layers and layers deeper than you ever would. So the actual game, it's literally like a game, it's a fun little thing. Set a timer for like five minutes, right? Only one person is going to be asking questions at a time to the other person, you're gonna establish this rule at the front of the game. Like, I'm going to be asking you questions, the person asking questions, is not allowed to speak. Unless the sentence is a question. No sound can come out of their mouth, unless it is in the form of a question. So they can't say I'm or Oh, that's really interesting. That's not a question. Right? It has to be a question for five straight minutes. This is way harder than you think it is, by the way, because what it forces you to do is attentively listen to what they're saying. So you can ask a follow up, that has something to do with what they're saying, rather than being like, Oh, that's interesting. Also, let's talk about this over here. And then bring it back to what you want to talk about. Right? So if you're asking questions, you have to listen to things like oh, well, how did this happen? What happened here? And then they'll say something else like, Well, tell me about that experience? How, what was that experience like for you? Like, what did this? How did this go for you? And the more you do it, the deeper and deeper and deeper you can go into a conversation to eventually you're getting to the point where people actually telling you what they want to think because you're showing a genuine interest in them by asking them follow ups that are have to do with what they're talking about. Right? It's not like a, I'm just listening. Hey, that's interesting. Next question, right. And this is super interesting in the podcast world, by the way, because you kind of have to blend a little bit of both of those things. Like you can, like you can dig and get in deeper stuff and ask good questions. But eventually, there's things you need to ask about. Right? So like, You got to learn how to steer a conversation, but for the sake of this game, and that that skill can be applied to in a conversation in marriage or wherever, like, okay, we can go down some rabbit holes, but we need to talk about some stuff. Let's bring this over here. Now, I'm gonna ask you questions about this, or, you know, maybe now it's your turn to ask me about this. But that little five minute block. It doesn't have to be a part of every conversation, right? It doesn't have to be like, Hey, we're having a Mrs. Our financial talk, let's do this curiosity game for five. Like, it doesn't have to do that. But try it once, just so you can see the difference that it makes when you're attentively listening and asking good follow up questions and the difference that it makes in the actual flow of a conversation to
Curt Storring 39:19
them. That's so so good, man, that is like, that's just one of those, take it and put in your pocket and use that five minutes. And it will change things absolutely. Like one of the greatest skills is like listening to understand, rather than to respond. And that is a game changer. And it's so interesting. I've noticed, at least in marriage and childbearing, that communication is very similar because it's just a human thing. People want to be talked to a certain way they want to make you feel important. You want to listen to what they're saying. Be curious about them and get them talking about what they want so that as a father and a leader, you can serve them better. And speaking of leadership and service, I want to tie all this back into my The first question that I had on my list here speaking of question, yeah, here we are halfway through. And I've already announced a single question. Yeah. You mentioned before roles, and leadership. And like, Dude, that's awesome. That's everything I'm about. And you also have a quote on your homepage, your website, it says, building men into leaders through strength and fitness. So those two things you'd think are unrelated for the so called layman, let's say like, Well, okay, I want to get fit, because I don't like feeling like this, or I'm tired, or like, I want ABS or whatever the reason is, but you're saying you build them into leaders. So first of all, I want to touch on that masculine leadership piece, because I can hear and I can see, based on what you're saying that you've got masculine leadership in spades, and it's something that I've been really trying to work on as well in my family. So what would you say? Is that leadership portion? And how the heck do we get there from something as so called simple as fitness and strength?
Ross Hillier 40:54
That's a good question. So as I, you know, as I alluded to, in my half joke about me, just being a therapist, to a degree, right, I just chose health and fitness as the vehicle, mainly because I love lifting, and I wanted to find a career that allowed me to lift and get paid for it, right? To work out and get paid for it, right. But what I've found and working with, I mean, at this point, hundreds of, of clients and hundreds of men over the course of almost nine years now coaching, the health and fitness piece, is the vehicle for them to instill discipline, because oftentimes, it's like the lowest hanging fruit for a guy who doesn't have anything put together in his life yet. Like, I'm not asking you to go, like, start the new job, or like, take on these massive things. It's like, dude, go sweat today. Okay, like, show me you can push your body today to an uncomfortable place, and then show me you can do it tomorrow. Right? And that instilling of that habit, and creating of that discipline, that's, that's the spark, like, that's the first little ripple in the pond when you throw, like everything can spread and infect every other area of your life from that discipline that you build in the gym. And I purposefully said, that's like the lowest hanging fruit, because I tend to think that it is when a lot of people are like, Oh, it's really difficult to get healthy and go to the gym, or whatever. And it's all of these excuses. And all of these walls that are built up. Because they don't like being comfortable, or uncomfortable, excuse me, they don't like being uncomfortable, right? It's like, well, if I remove all of those things from you, what excuse do you have, like, I'll take hit me with every objection you have as to why you can't train regularly. And I'll tear every one of them down. Okay? It's time, if it's equipment, if it's location, if it's, I don't have the knowledge. And I can do all of this and give you all of these things for free, by the way, like not, and you won't have to pay for anything, right? Like I can give you everything that you'd ever need to get as fit as you've ever been in your life. And you wouldn't have to pay for it at all outside of you know, buying food, right? Let's say, obviously, you got to buy food, but maybe you don't. Maybe you go hunt, maybe you grow, you're on. Like if you're already there, that's great. But if we're talking like from a training perspective, everything you'd ever need to know and have to get as fit as you've ever been in your life. You can do completely for free. Right? And so when I take all of those objections away, and somebody's like, oh, it's like, so now what are you going to do it or not? Now they're forced to realize that they're just soft, right? And they just don't like being uncomfortable. So it has nothing to do with the under other things that they actually say that it is, it has to do with the fact that they know that they're not disciplined, they won't be able to stick to a plan. And if they do, they know that it's not going to be very comfortable and probably a little painful. And they don't like the idea of that having not even experienced it yet. Right. So that's the other thing. Like you're giving me all of these anxious thoughts and projecting this anxiety about being afraid of hurting a little bit or being sword, you know, all of these things. You haven't even done it yet you have no idea if that's actually going to be your experience. Right? Like because that's all anxiety is, is worrying about what has yet to come. Right. Depression is what is worrying about what's already happened. Okay? Both of those things can be pretty positively influenced by exercising, right? And like, from a actual scientific and chemical perspective, we know that that makes a big difference. Right? So we're doing all these things based on these ideas that we have no idea about. And so the discipline I think, is the first step into actually becoming a leader. Right, nobody's gonna follow somebody who's not disciplined. Right. And that includes yourself, by the way, like, that's not even other people. Like, you've got to be disciplined for yourself for yourself. So you can actually be productive, successful in whatever way that that looks like, it doesn't have to always be this hyper successful, I'm good at everything, I have all these awesome hot irons in the fire, whatever, whatever success is to you, you're not going to just fall into it. Right? Unless you were, and I can't even say unless, because even like the ones that are just God given talents, out the Yin Yang more than they'd ever know what to do with still have to put in disciplined work, to take it to the level that they want to take it there just have a higher ceiling and some things because of the talent that they were given. Right? That just means everybody else has to work a lot harder. Right. But that's, that's the gap that I think a lot of people are missing is. Yeah, health and fitness will give you health and fitness that is beneficial for your entire life. But it's more about the discipline that it builds that will then go into every other area of your life.
Curt Storring 46:12
Dude, so good. That is, man, I think guys will on this part listening to this podcast probably be like, okay, Kurt's been a little bit of a broken record here, because we've had so many guys who are Fitness on the last few weeks. Yeah. And it is because of the exact answer you just gave. It is so foundational, and I have witnessed in my life how foundational is, and it's like, I was going to call you out for the source on that study, bro. I can't believe you didn't give it. But, but like you. So yeah, go go look up all the studies. It says like, exercise is good for you as if you didn't just do it and know, right? Because like, here's the thing, you know, I know, all of your clients know, when you just work out, you feel better. And you know, newsflash for you, when you feel better, you kind of act better. And that's one of the things I talked to guys. It's like, Dude, you're not depressed, your life just sucks. Like you don't move. You don't do anything to make yourself feel good. And you forget that you're a human being which has or who has physiological needs. Yes. And that's things like movement and not being overweight and not eating until your doors yourself and like all these other markers. Just remember, you're a human being and you'll find
Ross Hillier 47:14
better. Yeah, and I'll tell you this, too, because this is also the trait of the same guy who asks about all the stuff that he doesn't have why he can't do it. Is that is the one that asked her. Oh, wait, what study? Did you get that from? Where did you learn that? Like, because I mean, you said it as a joke, but like, that's a legitimate thing that I hear. It's like, well, what proof do you have that that works? I'm like, because if it works, go do it and tell me that it doesn't. Like I am the source, dude, go do it.
Curt Storring 47:43
Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, that's, um, that's a tragedy today, honestly, people would just rather be keyboard warriors, and be like, Oh, well, if he doesn't have a source, and like, I'm not going to trust that it would be hard to do do the thing. He said, and I'm not going to wait. And it's like, that just means they're not
Ross Hillier 47:57
serious. They're not serious about actually doing whatever they're arguing about, because they're looking for the reasons to not do it. Like they're not looking for the reasons to do it by asking those questions. You know, absolutely. They're asking for the way out by saying, because there's the chance that they I won't be able to give them a source, or like it's one that doesn't agree with what they already think about it. So like, anytime people ask those questions about any of these things that we've talked about, like, well, I don't have this time, I don't have this. They're looking for the reason to not do it. They're not looking for the reason to do it.
Curt Storring 48:29
Yeah, dude, that's, that's small boy stuff when you're looking for excuses not to do it. That's the winning stuff and a small boy stuff. And it's the complete opposite of what you said, which is, oh, I just rent like two days later and started this business. What is that man? Like? I think it's just this growth mindset. I think it's knowing that you can get better and that you're not stuck in the past. But like, what do you what do you think about that in regards to like your clients and dude, like, you can just do the thing and get better? I'm right, like I'm writing the course. This program I'm putting together right now. And I'm so excited about it, because I'm like, oh, man, this will take you from here to way up here. And like, Oh, dude, if you just did it, but then I'm like, Well, what about the guys who just won't do it? And it's like, how could you just not do it? It's out here. And you you exist, dude, like, I could come to you and be like, Hey, man, like, how do I get jacked? And you could just tell me and I could follow you and I would do it. But why do people sit there and ask for sources and make memes and stay fat and stay uncomfortable and stay unhealthy? What the heck's going on here, man,
Ross Hillier 49:31
they don't have a strong reason to get out of it. Right? And we talked about this when you were on my show, talking about goal setting, and how powerful that that process actually is because most people just aren't connected to their goals at all. And so it's not something they feel the need to actually fix or achieve. Right so like, some dudes really overweight, all this kind of stuff. And the goalie comes at me with I'd like to lose 10 pounds. Like dude you'd like to lose 10 pounds, you need to lose 51st of all right. But in the same manner, the way that you're talking about it, you're using soup, we talked about soft talk language, right? Like the learner, the maybe Woods would have, I'd like to maybe probably those kinds of words, all that does is tell me that you're not actually serious about it, right? Because if you were to remove those words out of the sentence, and say instead, like, I probably like to lose 20 pounds, right? Dude, that's so soft, right? Come at me next time and say, I'm going to lose 20 pounds in 12 weeks. That dude is so much more committed to that goal than the guy who just says I'd like to maybe lose 20 pounds, right? Because the guy who says I'm going to do it in this amount of time, has to then create a plan to go do it in that amount of time, because he's not going to just again, fall into the being able to, it's not just gonna fall off, right. And so when you're writing out your goals, the language actually matters a lot. Give yourself deadlines, use, get rid of all that soft talk in your in your language, right? I use this example with you, but I'm going to share it because it's my favorite example, ever, when it comes to words that are negations, like the don'ts, wants can't shouldn't students, whenever all kinds of guys will come at me with goals and say something like, well, I want to do this, because my parents are really unhealthy. I don't want to end up like my parents, they use the word don't like I don't want to end up like my parents, I don't want to be unhealthy. I don't want to end up on, you know, whatever medication anymore. And like, first of all, it doesn't tell me anything about what you do want. So I'm gonna give you another example like, so you go to the grocery store. And if you're a husband, you call your wife from the middle of the grocery store, nine times out of 10. It's just the way it works. You could have the list in front of you. And you're going to call your wife from the grocery store to ask about something that you need, right? So you say, Hey, I'm at the store and picking up dinner, what would you like, and all she says back is I don't want hotdogs. And you're just like, Okay, I'm standing in the middle of a store, it's got 4 billion items in it. And all you've done is told me the one thing you don't want, that gives me zero help on what to put in this grocery cart right now. It's the same exact thing when we write out our goals, right? If all you're doing is telling me the one thing that you don't want to end up, like, all you're doing is running away from that thing, you're not running towards anything. Like you can't follow a map, running away from something. You know what I mean? Like, you have to have a destination of somewhere that you're going, and then the plan or the map will take you there. Right. And but most of us and most guys that set goals are setting them based on things that they're running away from, I don't want to end up like this anymore. I don't want to be this guy anymore. I don't want to this, what do you want to end up as, like, paint that picture for me, however far in the future? Paint it 20 years from now? Like what do you look like 20 years from now, then once we have that destination, quote unquote, we can start to build the map and follow them and build a plan working backwards. So like if we need to do this in 10 years, what do we need to have done in five? If this is done in five years? What do we need to have done in three and then one and you can make that so granular be like, What do I need to do today? Like as a habit that will help me be the person that has this goal achieved in 20 years? Right. And that's like big picture thinking that freaks most people out. Most people can't think a week in advance. And so you ask them to think 20 years in advance, that's not even a number that exists to them. Like there's not even a time period that exists. But that's how powerful this stuff can be when you actually have a plan to work towards something rather than just running away from something that you don't want anymore.
Curt Storring 53:51
That's so, so good. And so powerful, and also covers more of my questions. Thank you very much. Well, setting and planning Yeah. Is there anything else around goal setting the guys can get into if they haven't done this kind of stuff before? Because this is huge on guys. And it's more than just bound. It's sorry, it's more than just goals. It's almost like a core identity piece for the guys I work with who can't even tell me what they want. Yeah, and a lot of people call this the nice guy. I just had a man on Ken curry, who calls us externally referenced where their only concern is what do other people want for me? Because if I get rejected, if they don't like me, oh man, they're gonna kick me to the curb. I'm gonna be ostracised. How are you helping guys get to the point where they can even say here's what I want. Because it's almost like they have to unlearn this pattern of well if I just don't rock the boat. And it's like, Dude, you're you're a man now you are in charge. What do you want? And it's like, I don't know. How are you helping guys get through that part and
Ross Hillier 54:52
so a little bit in part with the thing like the what i've what we've learned through the like the Curiosity game that I mentioned, right like you If you're listening, and this is more speaking to if you're helping somebody go through this, but you can do this on your own, like, ask yourself, why is whatever important to me. And this is actually a little thing that I use when we are writing out goals with clients, they have to give me a because statement next to their goal, like the template is you have to write out my goal is blank, whatever, because blank, or so that blank. And they have to give me because statement, and one of the easiest tricks that I've found to know if it's actually something that's worth working towards, is how quickly they can give me a because, right? If they have to think about it at all, like why is Why is losing 20 pounds important to you? Like, okay, well, that's not the goal anymore, you don't even have a reason why you want to do it, right? Toss it out, that's not a goal. But if they come at me with something like, I'm gonna lose, my goal is to lose 2530 pounds or whatever. Because I have a family history of diabetes, I am going to be around for my grandkids. And I am going to be the grand, the grand dad that is active and plays with them. Like that's painting that future picture. Right. But that also gives them a very emotional, deep attachment to that goal. Those are the kind that I know. And what that's going to do also, is trim down the number of goals that people actually work towards. Because everybody comes in and they have a million things they want to accomplish and all this stuff. And when you have a million you do none of them. But when you go through something like this, and you're like, what does it actually mean to me? Why is this important. And if I can't give you a convey, you can't convince me that it's important in five seconds. It's not important enough, right? Like, I'll allow a couple extra seconds for grammatical purposes, if you want to make it sound nice, but if you can't give me a strong reason why this goal is important, it's not like you're just giving me things that you want to write down because you think they're sound nice. And what that usually is, is that somebody else's goal they've put on you, it's you think you're going to do this because of somebody else or to impress somebody else, it's not actually something that you care about. And so when you go through this, and you're writing these because statements, if you can narrow it down, the more narrow I mean, I would encourage you to trim them down, don't go into this thinking I need 100 goals in my life. Right? I'd rather have you have to, and and accomplish those or set those big visions and then build that backwards from there. So that's been a huge help. Is that because statement? And then that little hack of like, can you give me a strong one? And if you can't, that's not a goal at all. Not like, hey, we'll get to this later. That doesn't matter anymore. And that usually clears up a lot of space for guys like, oh, well, I actually do want to do this. Because this is this is something I'm really interested in are passionate about, like, Alright, give me the reason. And then they do and I'm like, then let's do this, like, and then all of a sudden, they're bought in and now they're invested in the process.
Curt Storring 57:54
That's so good, man. Thank you very much for that. That's like that's very, actually very easy to do for guys at home. And we'll change a whole lot of stuff because I agree the what and then why is a deadly combination of questions. And if you ask that number of times, you'll get to bedrock regardless. Yep. The thing you said about having too many goals. I went through a process recently, I think it's attributed to Warren Buffett, I don't know where it actually came from, but it's like, write down your top 25 goals, things you want to do in this life. And you write down the top 25 minutes, okay? Now put them in order one to five, those are the ones you're gonna focus on. And then most people go like, Okay, well, six to 25 will just come later. And it's like, no, no, six to 25 you explicitly do not pursue don't exist, they are most likely to take you away from the top five. And so it's like this paradoxical thing of like, okay, if you don't want them top five, they're not important at all. And they'll only take you away. So I think that's a cool thing to add to, to this, like, you know, pick two goals sort of thing rather than 100. We're coming up on time here, man, but I just can't get like, right, I know, I'm looking at this thing got like, six or seven more questions, we're going to be great. We might have to do this again. And also, Let's just be friends, bro. Because like, I could tell you some of this stuff as well. Just because I want to know, are there last thoughts like I, I work with a ton of guys. And sometimes I'm just like, if you just did this thing, or if you just understood this thing? What are you seeing that men need? What are you doing in your life that if more men did they would succeed? Does anything come up as sort of a last? You know, what's the Tim Ferriss billboard question? What do you want men to hear? Hear? It has
Ross Hillier 59:28
more to do. And this is just something that I've seen so much. And it's it's a skill. And it's so much like what we've talked about already with building discipline, but it kind of all comes back to that and it's the practice of how do I start a new habit and make it a habit? Right, because that's that's what all of this is, like we're trying to make positive impacts on our lives. We're only going to be successful as successful or unsuccessful as the habits that we have. Right? Good and bad. Your habits will dictate your success level. Okay? So if I'm talking about how do I, actually, I pick one or two things or whatever, or maybe there's like we said, there's 12 things I want to start doing in my life, you everybody has those things, we're like, I'm gonna wake up at five, I'm going to train for an hour, I'm gonna come back in, I'm going to journal for 20 minutes and drink my coffee and spend an hour like, there's the idealized version of it. And then there's the practical version of it. And what ends up happening is the overload. Like it's the same thing with the goals that we talked about, you try to take on 10 new habits on day one, you're going to do none of them. Okay, because it's going to overwhelm you. So what am I get pushback on it? From almost a humorous perspective, when I do it, because what I'll tell them is like, I want you to pick one goal. That's so stupidly easy to accomplish that you asked me to do more. Right? I give the example one time, I had a guy that I was training that literally did not drink water. It was coffee, and Diet Coke all day, right? Not water was not a part of his beverage consumption. So I'm like, Alright, here's your only thing you're going to focus on for two weeks, we're not working out. We're not going through the nutrition plan. I want you to drink a single glass of water every day for two days. That's it, eight ounces. And he's like, Come on, I'm paying your money. I'm paying you a lot of money. Like, give me more than that. I'm like, No, dude, you have to prove to me that you can do this before I give you anything else. And, and that's if you've read atomic habits. by James clear, fantastic book, it's a very similar process, like you need to have something that you can continuously do without fail for 30 days. And I don't remember if he says 30 or 21, or like some random days, I just say 30 days, because it's easy, right? Like give me 30 days of something every single day. And if you can't do it, that day starts over, it's kind of like the that time period starts over. It's like a 75 hard thing, right? Like if you can't do it, and like if you fail, like your 75 days starts over, if you go one day, without this new habit, your 30 days restarts, and you don't get a new one until you show me that you can do 30 days, that doesn't always mean it needs to be as simplified as I'm not working out until I can drink a glass of water every day that was just specific to this guy. And he actually did it fairly easily. We cut the things down, but he understood what I meant. And that's usually what kicks it up a little bit more. But find the one or two things, one if you're even apprehensive about adding a second, that are going to be high leverage things, but are simple enough that you can do every single day without thinking about it. Or that you think I should, because what ends up happening. And I'll try not to tangent here a lot. A very brilliant coach, Max shank created this thing called the five minute flow. Okay? And it's literally like Get on the ground. Go through some like crawl around, do whatever you want. Just put hands on the ground, have your hands if you'd have to be on the ground, crawl, roll, move, stretch, do whatever. All you have to do is do it for five minutes. That's it. That's the only workout you have to do today. But what's happening is people get to five minutes. And what do they do? Like, oh, I can do 10 Right? And they'll stretch it to 10 like, oh, I can do 20 today. Right? But what you've set that floor so low, anything else above that feels like bonus accomplishment. And it gets like the positive reinforcement learning like on a great day three times more than I was supposed to do today. Right? And that's what builds the can see the continual habits of being able to do something every single day.
Curt Storring 1:03:23
Boom. Excellent, excellent place to stop and do thank you very much for all of that and let's make sure people know where to find you. They if they are following his podcasts. I certainly hope they listened to yours because I was just on yours. Tell us about that. Tell us about any program you run. Because dude, I've loved this so let's get into where we can find you.
Ross Hillier 1:03:41
Yeah, man. I appreciate you having me on. It was a blast. So I'm on Instagram. I'm Coach Ross Hillier. H I ll I er. I don't know if I'm Coach Ross Hillier, or V Roscoe you're on Twitter. I'm not on Twitter a ton, but that's kind of a fun one for me lately. Nomad strength show is the name of the podcast we're about. I think Hunter, Episode 160 dropped yesterday. So we've been going for a couple years now have some amazing guests, guys that I am like humbled would make the time to come on the show kind of thing. Very fortunate with some of the connections I've been able to make. They're great episodes, hunters, CEOs, fitness guys, you know, just the highest of highest performers and a lot of degrees have come on, which is really rad. So you can go check that out. The newest project lately has been the substack if you search Nomad strength on substack I've got a ton of extra content plus an exclusive podcast for paid subscribers that comes out every week over there. And then finally I do coaching. That's my jam. That's that's the actual gig that I do. So we've talked a lot about that. I have a men's group that has a group coaching program that runs every month continuously you can be part of that. I've also got a Foundations program which is the the six week Crash Course and the Nomad strength training. And then you know if the if the person's right I do one on one coaching still but I don't do that too much anymore, but See if any of those things interest you just hit me up on any of those places I mentioned before and ask a question. I'll answer I promise.
Curt Storring 1:05:09
So okay, man, well, we will put all of those in the show notes at Dad.Work slash podcast. You don't have to write those down as you're listening. And on over to Dad.Work slash podcast hook up with Ross, get in his network get in his orbit and awesome visuals and aesthetic on the podcast to be quite honest, I love it. It's like the perfect outdoorsy hunting hardcore string success. Love it, dude. Anyway, Ross, thank you. So good for me personally. And I know it's going to crush with all the guys listening. So yeah, thank you for your service. And thank you for your leadership and we will catch up soon.
Ross Hillier 1:05:41
Sounds good. Thank you.
Curt Storring 1:05:45
Thank you for listening to the Dad.Work podcast. That's it for this episode. But if you would like to stay in touch between weekly episodes, why don't you go over to Instagram and follow me there because I draw up a number of things throughout the week that are related to what we talked about on this podcast, but usually go a little bit deeper, provide some tips you can find me on Instagram at dad work dot Kurt. That's da di W O RK dot c u r t. And please, if you have been getting something out of this podcast, if it has touched you if it has improved your marriage, your parenting or your life, would you please leave a quick review on Apple or Spotify. leave a rating. If you have a few extra seconds, leave a quick review. That's the best way that we can get this work in the hands of more fathers. And I truly believe that we change the world, one father at a time, because each father that parents better that loves better raises children who do the same. And in just a couple of generations. I feel like we could be living in a world much better than the one we live in today. Your review will help along that path. And I thank you so much for being here to listen until next week. We'll see you then.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
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