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Today’s guest is my friend Ryan King.

Ryan is a husband, father, and the CEO of Guardian Payments. He’s a thought leader with motivational, nuanced insights on wisdom, manhood, relationships, and leadership.

He is perhaps the most grounded, chill, and balanced man I know, and he absolutely walks the walk when it comes to living a satisfied, content, masculine life as a man, husband, father, and business owner.

If you love wisdom and knowledge, you do not want to miss this…get some of Ryan’s chill to rub off on you! 

Find Ryan Online at:

https://instagram.com/thewisdomofkings/

Curt Storring 0:00

Welcome to the Dad Work Podcast. My name is Curt Storring, your host and the founder of dad work. Today, I'm joined by my friend Ryan king. And we're gonna be talking today about being a good man and the wisdom of kings. Ryan is a husband, a father, he's the CEO of guardian payments. And he's a thought leader with motivational and importantly, nuanced insights on wisdom, manhood, relationships and leadership. And guys, I'm not even going to read what we're going to talk about this is just like, this is a very important conversation from the perspective of masculinity and grounded balanced manhood. Right is one of those guys who when I talked to him, just like, Dude, you just got everything sorted. Insofar as you know, even when there's a problem, it's not going to throw you off track, you're going to be able to manage it, you're going to be able to sort it out. He's got a beautiful family successful business, this guy is the real deal. And, man, if you guys follow him on Instagram already, which I'm sure many of you do, you can find him at the wisdom of kings. So instagram.com/the wisdom of kings, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. He's grounded. He's successful. He's humble. And I always feel like I'm talking to someone who's very wise. And I just get so much insights and so much wisdom and support from Ryan, when we talk. So I'm excited to bring this to you today. He's got a couple of boys, and he's getting into the area of his life where he's going to be raising teenagers. So we talked a lot about parenting. We talked about masculinity, we talked about being a man and a husband. And yeah, guys, this is gonna be a great one. And we're not gonna say anything else other than leave a review. Please. If you've been listening to this for an episode, or 100 episodes, it's over 100. Now, can you just leave us a review on Apple? If you listen on Spotify, just tap that star button to leave a rating. But leave me a review. And if you do, I don't know. Send me an email. Shoot me a DM on Instagram. Just let me know you did done. It takes literally five to 30 seconds. And if you think this is important work if this is helping you Why not spread the word? Why don't serve your brothers out there who need this work? By leaving review. Okay, that's it. Let's hop into this conversation with Ryan King. Here we go.

Alright, guys, bye back here for another excellent episode of the downward Podcast. I'm excited to be joined by Ryan king today. You probably follow him on Instagram wisdom of Kings is that the is the wisdom of kings or just wisdom of kings.

Ryan King 2:19

It's the wisdom of kings. Okay, so

Curt Storring 2:21

yeah, he is growing extremely quickly there. And I think for good reason, because Ryan is one of the few men that I like when I was talking to him about what we're going to talk about today. I was like, Dude, I think we should just talk about how to be a good man, because you're just like, straight up a good man. So we're gonna get into that today from just like real world experience, and really grounded masculine energy and fatherhood energy that I think you guys are getting a lot out of. So first of all, dude, I would love to just dive into fatherhood for you. And I like to talk about this first because it gives a sense of like, where you came from, to where you are now. And in my life is everyone listening knows. It was like, Hey, you're a dad now. And by the way, all of the terrible things in your life that you weren't paying attention to, suddenly you got to pay attention to and I reacted poorly. That's why I'm doing this work. So I'm curious to hear like, who was Ryan? When he first became a dad? What did that look like? And then maybe just bring us through some of the growth points along the way to the man you are today? Sure.

Ryan King 3:19

So I don't know that I had that kind of awakening moment for fatherhood. Specifically. I vividly remember read as I was leaving college, you know, me and my buddies. Were sitting around, and it was like my last year of college. And I didn't actually get a degree, but I went for four years, I played baseball in college. So that was basically what I did most of the time. But, and I remember us walking around and talking like, Dude in like, six months, we gotta we gotta be like, men. You know, it's like, when I when I get married, we had this joke about, like, when I get married, is my dad gonna give me like this handbook on how to be a man, you know, because it's like, everything my dad knows how to do. I don't know how my dad can do everything, you know. And I'm one of the fortunate ones that had a dad that was present and active, you know? And he was a great dad for, you know, that generation. You know? What's funny is I'm really encouraged about fatherhood in general right now. Because I feel like every dad, I know, is better than like the best dads that I knew growing, growing up, you know, because we're all more like more present. We have tools now. We're really addressing the stuff that we didn't like as dads and we're not just, you know, following the patterns of, you know, the way our dad's parents did us, but for me, we kind of had this running joke of like, how am I supposed to be a man like when you get married? I'm not ready to do what I've seen my dad doing. You know, he knows how to do everything. And I have I feel completely unprepared and so like, hopefully when we get married, there's like the secret you know, club that they pull you aside and all the grown men are like, Hey, man, here's the handbook for how to be a girl. As men, it's like, there isn't one, you know, so for me, before I was a dad, I kind of started thinking about, about that stuff in general, like, what does it mean to even be a man like, I don't want to learn this. Because if I'm going to do it, I want to be good at it, you know, and that's kind of, and I think I got that from sports, you know, is like, whatever I do, I'm going to, I'm going to, I want to be the best at it, you know. And when it came to being a man, I just started reflecting a lot. And this was before the internet and social media. This is this was like in 2000 2004. So So I mean, Facebook was kind of getting started, YouTube was a thing, but it was mainly mainly just like cat videos and stuff, you know. So it, I didn't really have a lot of resources. As I started thinking about this stuff. It was just me trial and error and things and just reflecting back on like, Okay, I tried this, and it didn't work. You know, and then as far as fatherhood, like, I didn't really follow the pattern that you quote, unquote, you're supposed to follow, you know, my wife and I were dating. And we were both coming out of, you know, other relationships. And so for my wife, and I, you know, the friendship part always came easy for us. The romance part was actually harder, you know, because we were really good friends, and we enjoyed hanging out. And after about a year and a half of dating, she got pregnant. And so we kind of just, you know, my parents raised me to be like, you're not going to be the deadbeat dad, like, if you get a girl pregnant, just just be prepared, you're gonna marry her and take care of that kid, because you're not going to be that debt. And so it was never an option for me in my head. It never even crossed my mind. It's like, oh, okay, well, I guess we're getting married, we're gonna figure this out, you know, and. And so I got things a little bit out of order. Now, so I kind of had to scramble even more, but I was 25. And my son was born, my oldest son, and he was actually born on my 25th birthday. So we have the same birthday. And so yeah, I mean, for me, it's just been learning from experience and just kind of visualizing, like, what kind of man do I want to be? What kind of data do I want to be? I've always, you know, that, from the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, you know, it says, begin with the end in mind. So that's kind of what I do with everything is, you know, what outcome do I want, and I want to work backwards from there. And so as a, as a father, my goal has really been like, you know, so many, so many men feel the need to push that away, to become their own man. Because dad's very authoritarian, and, you know, just telling them ordering, ordering them around trying to control their lives. And so they have to rebel. You know, and for me, there's like, an, I don't remember where I heard it, but it was basically like, you know, most most kids are like, Oh, Curt, when they do something wrong, like, oh, shit, oh, my dad doesn't find out. You know, and for me, I want them to have that reaction of like, Oh, shit. I mean, I messed up, I need to call my dad.

And so that, to me, is kind of just kind of a guiding principle for like, that filters down. And everything that I do as a dad, is, you know, if it's going to cost me influence down the road, because most most of the most important things that they're going to deal with, as a human being are going to be after they leave my house, you know, choosing their career, choosing their spouse, whatever. And I think too many dads are so focused on like, what they do while they live with you, that it ends up sabotaging their desire to reach out to you, during those times that are actually important, like nothing that's going on in childhood is really that urgent, right? Like if, you know, whatever. So that's kind of the main thing that I don't always do perfectly at it. But that's the main thing that I tried to do is really focus on the relationship, and really having a relationship with them more so than being like an authority figure. And I've never had to really be an authority figure. I don't have to pull that card very often. Because they just respect me, you know, when they when we talk, and we have been, they've seen me be real. And so that for me is I've always looked at it as you know, if the most important things that they're going to need my experience and need my wisdom for are going to be things they encounter after they leave my house or they don't have to listen to me anymore. Are they going to choose to listen to me as they're older. And so that's the I would say that has kind of filtered into just the paradigm of what I try to do as a dad. And one of the other main things that I've really tried to be intentional about is to just live in front of them. You know, I think a lot of a lot of parents, man, and I think it's getting better. With so many parents. I feel like you're playing like the character of a parent. instead of being real, and so they'll cuss if they cuss, the customer kid's not around. But when the kids in front of them like, oh, I don't do that, you know, I never drank when I was a kid, you know, it's like, kids aren't stupid man, like they, they pick up on that. And if you're a hypocrite, they're gonna pick up on that eventually, and you're gonna lose all your influence with them. And so it's better off to let them see you be a human being, you know, and so, like, a practical example is, you know, a couple years ago, I went through a really bad bout with like depression and panic attacks and had a lot of health problems physically and different things. And, you know, after I got through all that, a lot of people asked me, you know, like, Well, how did it affect the kids? Like, did you hide it from them? Or whatever? It was, like, Absolutely not, you know, like, I told them what was going on every step of the way, you know, and they saw me be really weak, you know, and it kind of, it kind of shook them a little bit. But I did that on purpose, because I want them to know that someday, if they go through those things, that doesn't mean that there's something wrong with them as a man or that they're weak as a man, you know, I think it's important as a man to let your kids see you in your moments of weakness. Because otherwise, I think that's what contributes to this unrealistic idea that a lot of young men have that, you know, they can't be human once they become a man, you know, because they never saw their dad be human. So they, when when they feel weak, they feel like they're doing something wrong, because they, my dad was never weak. It's like, yeah, he was, he just, he just went, he just hid it from you. So that he was afraid, like, oh, he won't respect me anymore, if he sees me be weak. And so for me, I've tried to be very intentional about like, really being human in front of them so that they know that it's normal to have times where you're down, you know, that you're discouraged that you're depressed or anxious, or whatever. Because the last thing I want, the last impression, I want to give them, you know, when they're older is like, well, I can't call my dad because, you know, I know, he's never been weak before, I don't want to disappoint him. It's like, I remember when my dad went through that, you know, this is normal, you know, he went through this, and I saw him get going, I saw him get on the other side of it. And I saw him find himself and I saw him tap into, you know, new strength. And so I've seen him go through this before. So I'm going to seek him out and say, Dad, how did you do that? What did you do? And so I would say, this is probably the I could talk a lot about fatherhood. But those are probably the two main things that I would say are probably, that I haven't really heard anywhere else that have to do.

Curt Storring 12:36

That's excellent. Man, I can already tell that the wisdom taps are flowing. And I'm loving it. And one of the things you said is, you know, you're the things that dads used to do, or didn't used to do that are now different. You know, the worst dads will not the worst, as they but some of the dads today are better than you know, the best dads from yesteryear. What are some of those things that you saw? Either your dad do? Or dads of your dad's generation do that? Either you don't do or vice versa? You know, what didn't they do that you're doing?

Ryan King 13:10

Um, well, I mean, for me, I just, it's really I don't know that there's anything's like super insightful, I think there's just things that we almost take for granted. Now that we forget, dads didn't used to do like dads didn't used to tell their sons, I love your I'm proud of you. Just basic stuff, like they wouldn't hug them. You know, like to this day, like my father in law, my father in law, his dad, so my wife's grandpa passed away a few years ago. And he never told my father in law, he loved him his whole life. Not once, he just didn't talk about this. So, you know, it's like, just encouragement, you know, and just being a little more nurturing and not being like a, like a drill sergeant, you know, like so many guys that I grew up with. And especially the generation before, like, my dad's generation, it was like, they were terrified of their dads, like, just absolutely terrified. You know, because dad had no remorse. Dad came home, he's like, I work all day, and you'll leave your toys. And, you know, it's like, whereas now I feel like every dad, even even bad dads are still like, you know, they'll tear up talking about how they love their kids, and they really put forth effort to be part of their lives, you know, consists of so many of just really just, I would say fundamental things. It's really just fundamentals. It's not anything mind blowing. It's just like, I'm going to be present. I'm not just going to be a workaholic and never pay attention to my kids, right? Like, I'm not going to yell at them, you know, I'm not going to get angry with them. Or if I do, I'm, I least, don't think it's okay. You know, whereas, right, you know, like our generation, we still I, you know, I've raised my voice and my kids a lot. I've been a jerk to my kids multiple way more often than I should have But I feel bad about it. Whereas I think, a generation ago, there was not even any, like, check in a man's conscience to yell at his kids. And so just just that distinction alone, I think is a huge difference of like, I know, I shouldn't be that way. And I'm going to try to do better. You know, yeah. Whereas like, you know, 20 years ago, a dad would yell and scream at his kids, and he just go have, you know, eat a piece of cake afterwards and drink a beer and feel nothing. Like they were no remorse at all. Yeah. And so I think just in general, like the idea of like, I think dad's in general, at least have an idea in their head of like, the type of dead they want to be. Whereas it seems like so many dads before us, thought and had the perception that like, me, putting a roof over your head, and putting food in your mouth is my only job. And if you want anything more, you're gonna have to get over it.

Curt Storring 15:55

Yeah, totally, very harsh. Yeah, that's sort of what I was picking up on, as well as almost this inherent understanding that that's not okay. Because they live through it themselves as children. So it's like, I don't want my kids to feel like that. And a lot of the guys that I work with, feel that, but they don't really know how to get past it. They're like, I'm either saying the things that my dad said, and I hate it. Or I'm so far the opposite, that I'm not doing those things. But I'm also now screwing my kids up doing the part of this kind of the opposite. Yeah, and, you know, maybe it's just the fact that you had a good present father that this, you know, your as I'm hearing your journey, I'm like, bro, this seems too easy. Like what's going on here? And I know, we'll get to sort of the the challenges along the way. But like, Were there things that as you were trying to learn them through trial and error, or like, you know, reading or researching that just were not clicking? And you had to figure this out some other way? Or was it simply like, I'm pretty well adjusted. I know what I want as an outcome. And maybe that's it, like, maybe there's nothing here, man, maybe it's just knowing what you want. And I'm glad that you shared your parenting goal, because that's what I was going to ask you to, like, what what are we what are we doing here? I don't think many men actually think about that. Yeah, yeah.

Ryan King 17:10

I mean, and that's, I don't really know where that comes from. For me, I've always it's always been. And I think part of that is just personality, I have a very detached, personality. Like, I don't ever take things personally, like, I just never have, even from the time I was a kid. And so I know other people really battle really bad with that and don't want to, and I think I've just been blessed and fortunate, you know, to just happen to be born in a way that I just, I'm very detached and just look at things objectively, systems, things don't stick, you know, and then I think my dad being a good influence, you know, like my dad, my dad wasn't, was imperfect, he yelled at me and stuff. But one of the things like my dad did is like when he yelled at me, and I actually wrote a post about this, it was one of my first posts. Like, we would usually fight about baseball, right? And, you know, we'd be outside practicing baseball, and I wouldn't do it right. And he'd get furious with me, you know, if I wasn't doing what he was trying to teach me. And we'd get into it. But then literally, every time I would wake up, and he had written me a note on like a yellow legal pad. So like, after I went to bed like it was eating at him, that he felt like he did something wrong. And so he would write me a note on a yellow legal pad and like, apologize and say, I love you, I'm proud of you. And you know, wow. And so I remember it, we got to the point where I knew like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna wake up and there's gonna, it was just a yellow legal pad he just folded into, like, you know, he folded in half, three times and just set it on my bedside table when I was asleep, and I'd wake up and it'd be there. And you know, when so my dad wasn't perfect. And there was a lot he didn't teach me like, my dad didn't push me as much as I needed to be pushed. And he let me get away with too much. I needed more structure and discipline as a teenager, because I've, I've forfeited a lot of things that could have done better.

Curt Storring 18:53

That, can we stop on that for just a second? Why were you doing that with your kids now? Because I know they're getting up to that age? How are you making sure you're challenging them and pushing them while maintaining that sort of loving base, so they don't shout you out?

Ryan King 19:07

I think it's just dialogue. You know, I think you know, so just like, as a practical example, you know, my younger son has a bad habit of like, he cares too much. And so he plays sports, and he has this habit of like, when the moment matters the most. He gets nervous in caves and fails, you know. And so, after his last basketball game about six months ago, after the game, you know, everybody tried to tell him good game, and he missed a couple shots that wouldn't want him the game. And after the game was over, like he wouldn't walk near us, like he walked super fast to get to the truck and didn't want to be talked to, you know, and I just looked at my wife and I said, don't rescue. Just don't rescue him, let it hurt, you know, and we go to dinner and we went out to eat, and he wouldn't talk. He got up and left and went to the bathroom. At one point, and he came back, and you could tell he had been crying. And we got home and I just I just kept looking at my wife, like, don't say anything, don't tell him, it's okay. Don't try to comfort him, like, just let him. And so he came down like an hour later, and he'd been crying. And he's a nice dad, like, I'm just so mad at myself, I'm disappointed and discouraged, and myself. And I said, Son, if you're wanting me to tell you that it's okay. It's not okay. You know, once you know how to do something, as a man, you've got to execute it when that matters. Like once you learn how to drive, and you get into a situation where, you know, there's a lot of pressure, you got to make the right decision, you got to execute, so I'm not going to bail you out and tell you that it's okay. You know, I love you. And it's not and it's human to mess up, you know, but I'm not going to make, I'm not going to tell you, it's okay, and let this pain go away. Because the pain you're feeling right now is important. You need to go up to your room and sit with that pain, because that's what's going to fuel you to go out and work tomorrow, to make sure you don't experience that pain again. You know, and so I think most of that it really is just conversations and dialogues. You know, it's is that harsh. I don't feel like it was harsh. I feel like it was just truthful. You know, I think I feel like it was an important lesson for him to learn. And I hugged him, and I said, you can do better and you will get better. But I wouldn't be doing my job as a dad, if I helped you numb this pain, because that's not going to solve anything. Because then you're not going to practice tomorrow, you know, it's okay to fail. Like, I mean, yeah, it's okay to fail the, you want to not fail as often as possible to, you know, there's nothing wrong with failing. So that's just a practical example of like, for me, I'm just, I'm very active. When I when I see something going on, I'm not passive about it, you know, my dad was just passive about things where he didn't jump in and get involved. And then it feels like the other end of the spectrum is like, you just yell at him and call him a piece of shit, like, you know, whereas I try to find that middle ground of like, No, this isn't okay. But I explain it to them in a way of like, I'm going to let you feel this pain, and I'm not going to let you you know, I'm not going to just tell you, it's okay. But I'm going to, but I want you to know why I'm letting you feel this pain so that you know that I'm doing this because I love you. And here's here's, here's the why behind what I'm doing, you know, and I think that's the biggest thing that I do with mine is I'm just very, anything that I do I tell them the why I treat them like grownups, I talk to him like they're adults. And, you know, I tell them, like, I don't like being this way, but it's my job to make sure you grow up, you grew up to be a good man. And this is one of those times where there's a tough lesson, you've got to learn here, and I wouldn't be helping you by solving this problem for you. Or by bailing you out from having to deal with the consequences of what's happened. You know, here's the lesson you need to learn. And I'm here for you, I'm your biggest fan, I'll always have your back. But this is something you've got to do on your own, you got to figure this out. Because at some point, I'm not going to be here. And you're going to be you're going to need to be able to, to think through these things and handle these types of things. without my help.

Curt Storring 23:19

Yeah, man, that's an awesome example. And one of the things I've been thinking about more and more, is one of my triggers used to be when the kids are about to do something, and I know that they're going to mess up or fail or get yelled at or you know, like someone won't like what they're doing. Because it was so hard for me growing up to accept criticism to fail, because so much of my identity was built on like, Oh, I gotta be perfect, because I didn't have that what you're just talking about, which is like, yeah, it's okay. And do better. But I love you. It was just kind of like, oh, you screwed up. Like, I don't know about that, you know, like, there was nothing to counterbalance it. And so I've been thinking a lot recently, it's not our job to save them from being hurt. Absolutely. I think I heard someone say recently, like, if they're doing something, and this could be like, you can make this an emotional analogy or physical, if they're doing something and they're gonna fall off and break her arm, let them break their arm. But if they're doing something and they're gonna die, maybe step in before they do that. So that's what I've been trying to use to guide how much I step in. And I really like that ability to just be like, I love you. And you got to learn from this because if I think about all the good things in my life, pretty much everything came from the opposite also being true. One point like being hurt, suffering, hating how I felt, and that's how that's why I became a better dad, because I felt so bad. yelling at my kids all the time. And it was like that was the fuel to be better and I think we're stealing from our kids. We don't let them feel that

Ryan King 24:52

Yeah. 100% 100% And a lot of what I do as a dad, is, is is Preparation, you know, so I don't wait until after they fail, you know, I know them well enough to know what's likely going to make them fail. So like, if it's before a baseball game, you know, instead of like getting mad at them after they feel almost do like a mental pep talk with them and say, Listen, let's get your mind, right, what are the things you tend to, you tend to mess up and let's focus on the solution, you know, ahead of time. And so most of my parent, most of my fathering is done, like preemptively teaching them certain things before they have a chance to mess him up. But then when they do mess him up, it's like, you know, this is why we had that conversation about a, b, and c, this is a perfect example, we've talked about this, like, now you're having to live with the pain of what happens when you're not focused, you know, or you don't, you know, get yourself prepared, or you haven't practiced the things that you've needed to practice or, you know, whatever. And I find sports to be a really good way to teach a lot of those lessons, you know, I don't know how I would teach a lot of the same lessons if it wasn't for sports, because to me, you know, sports resembles life has the most correlation to life, you know, you've got to work with other people, you're, It's you versus someone else. You know, so you've got to be able to adapt to each situation individually, there's a lot of inherent failure. There's a lot of things that you've got to learn from the pain of losing or the pain of people, you know, you it's hard to be embarrassed as an adult, when you've been embarrassed as a kid where you had a chance to make the game winning free throw, and you miss it, you know, like you, the whole school sees it, you know, and so, for me, I feel like it helped me a lot like so many of the things that I just took for granted as an adult that were a huge advantage. Other people were struggling with that I learned those lessons through sports.

Curt Storring 26:53

Right? Yeah, that's, that's awesome. I'm excited. We got my kids in soccer coming up this this fall, which I'm super excited about getting them to jujitsu as well, which is incredibly important as I'm seeing them learn their boundaries, like, you know, when you when you've been pinned, and when you can't get another man, it's like, oh, I suddenly am very clear on where I stop and where someone else can take me out. And it humbles you, but it also gives you like very clear actionable items to move towards. Oh, sorry about that. Okay, man, I want to get into like the the meat here, even though this is all meaty. But I promise we talked about like, being a good man. I know. That is so general and broad. And, like, there's just going to be so much here because like, when I messaged you, I was like, dude, you've gone through the shit. You love your wife, you're good father, you got a business, you got balanced, you got integrity, you love God, like, like, Okay, what, what did you do? How did you do all that? And what are we missing? So let me just throw it to you. Because I've got like, I can guide this, of course, but I wonder what men need to hear about being a good man that you're observing is lacking?

Ryan King 28:10

Um, you know, that's, that's a tough question. You know, I was looking back through, I've got a lot of notes on things that I've that I plan on writing about. And one of the things that I think jumped out to me last night, that I feel like really does a good job of articulating kind of my mindset is, you know, ambition is what you want to achieve. There's this quote, and I don't know where it came from, I might have wrote it, I don't know. It was just in my notes, and it says, ambition is what you want to achieve. aspiration is who you want to become. Nice. And. And for me, I've always, I've always been way more focused on who I want to become than I have on what I want to achieve. And it's kind of like, you know, in business, my philosophy was, my business has always been like, my goal isn't money, my goal is to, is to deliver a certain amount of value, you know, and to do things in a way that I can be proud of, you know, and, and I feel like if I do those things, well, the money will just happen. And so I think aspiration is just a higher, more elevated form of that, like, Who Who do you want to be like, What do you want your kids to say about you? What legacy Do you want to leave? You know, what do you want your wife to say about you when you're not around? Or if you were to die? And things like that? And what impact do you want to have on the world and for me, those are the those are the questions that have always driven me and and I feel like that's where the the fruit of, you know, those very flattering words you have to say about you know, me being a good man. If Like the fruit of that's just the fruit of like, I've never been driven by ambition, I've never been driven, you know, motivated by money. I'm motivated by aspiration, you know, like, what do I want my employees to say about me? You know, what do I want my customers to say about me? You know, what reputation do I want to have. And I've always been very inspired by, you know, heroic stories, you know, whether it's movies like Braveheart, or comic books, characters, or movies, like Lord of the Rings, or whatever, like my role models had been these fictional characters that aren't even really realistic, you know, they're, they're, you know, archetypes of perfection that really none of us are ever going to reach. But for whatever reason, there's always been a huge influence on me. And that's kind of, I would say, the common thread, just for me, that's, that's kind of, you know, all the things you listed about, you know, following me being a good father, a good husband, or, you know, being a successful business person, or whatever, I think those are just byproducts of that deeper goal that I've had, like, there's a certain there's a certain type of mandible, I've always aspired to be. And that's really, that's my North Star, with anything that I do is like, it's not just about what I do as a businessman, but it's how I do it. And so I think, I think having that view of, because if it's just a ambition, man, I've seen that happen a lot like, Neil, I've seen a lot of men that are ambitious, but they leave a trail of destruction in their wake on the path to ambition, on the path to achieving their ambition. And, and that's, it's kind of like lying, you know, like, you can get ahead by lying for a little while, but eventually, the lies catch up. Ambitions, kind of like that, too, you know, like if you haven't, if you haven't done it the right way, then it's not that it's not stable, you know, you've got to you got to keep out running the enemies you've made. Because you haven't done it in a way that's it has a way that is honorable, that has integrity. And, yeah, that's just a comment. There was one thing I would say, I wish that I could, you know, download, like The Matrix, you know, like, download that a program and men's minds is, you know, to that higher standard of that, you know, what, I think too often men don't don't really think through the consequences of their actions. Their actions as a father, their actions as a husband, their actions is, you know, I think a lot of times men are like, Well, I'm right, you know, I'm not going to be open to this, because I'm right. It's like, well, yeah, you're right. I mean, you're gonna be alone, and your wife's gonna leave you and your kids are gonna hate you, I hope you enjoy your righteousness, you're gonna be bitter. You know, like, there's more just because you're right doesn't mean that you that good that it's wise to behave the way that you're behaving, because there are going to be consequences for it. Like, you know, that's something that happened to a lot of men.

Curt Storring 33:16

Yeah, and the thing that came up, as you're saying, that is like doing the right hard thing, builds a good foundation. And I think a lot of guys are just trying to, like, do the next thing. If it's expedient, and without the long because it maybe this is the thing that keeps coming up for me is like, you've got the long view, you've just got like, you know, that the what matters is how you're feeling at the end of your life matched with how you're feeling day to day. And if both of those things are above board, it's going to be pretty hard to shake you, regardless of what happens in your life. Is that was this always in your mind? Even when you were going through? You know, like your you said, you're working like 100 hour weeks, or whatever it was, you know, like just crazy amounts of work. burnt yourself out? Was this in the forefront? And was it good for you to have gone through that to get where you are? Or like, how would you talk about that with the balance you've now got in your life?

Ryan King 34:15

Um, well, I mean, I sit down and told my wife what was going to happen before it ever started, you know, when my first son was about six months old, we just got married. And I sat down and told her, I said, you know, the first 10 years is going to be mommy time. You know, I've got to go out and build a foundation for our lives. And I said, if you'll be my partner, and if you'll support me for this first 10 years, our life is not going to be easy. But the commitment I make to you is that at the end of that 10 years, we'll will live a life like no one else, you know, and I won't have to work anymore and we'll be able to go on vacations and we will be able to give our kids when they're teenagers. A life that very few other kids have And so I knew going into that process as far as having to work with 100 hour weeks or whatever. It was part of my long term process that I knew it was just part of the journey. And I also knew that it would be temporary. Because I bet on myself, and I knew how it was going to play out. And so at no point did I question myself or it didn't feel like it didn't feel like in my mind at the time, like a struggle, it just felt like it was necessary. You know, it was just, I know, this is part of the, of the plan that I have that I'm executing. And it's a it's a phase that I that I recognize is inevitable, like, I have to go through this to get to that, you know, gold at the end of the rainbow, you know,

Curt Storring 35:51

yeah, that dude, that sounds like, it sounds ridiculously wise. And I'm sitting here going like, Well, yeah, I've been doing that for the last 10 years. And every year I go like, oh, oh, no, like, things are terrible. What am I doing? second guessing. And I wish that I had that sort of confidence along the journey, even though like, intellectually, I know it. I still come back to that, like, oh, no, I'm not going to make it. And that's, that's interesting. So I don't know, like, again, all this is like, dude, how are you? Just? How are you just like this? How do I get some more of that? You know, but I don't know that there's an answer other than, like you said, it's just got to get his

Ryan King 36:32

point in my life that I feel like, I learned that, you know, if you talk to my parents, they'll tell you, even as a kid, you know, like, I've just always had this thing where I just, it doesn't cross my mind to doubt myself. It's like, I see this thing clearly. And it's like, you know, if you think about it, like playing chess, you know, like, you see seven or eight moves in advance, that doesn't take if you can see seven or eight moves in advance, it's not really confidence, it's just executing a plan, you know, and the thing with life is like, in most aspects, you're not even playing against anybody in chess, it's just, you're in charge of the moves. And more often than not, there's not even anybody trying to stop you, you just have to, you just have to realize, like, even though this move might mean like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna lose this particular piece on the chessboard. It's like, if that if you've thought through the overall plan, then you know, it's just, yeah, I'm gonna lose that piece. But I also know, I'm gonna gain this other piece three months from now, so I'm not that worried about it. Right.

Curt Storring 37:40

And that's very relevant as I because we just closed down the community that we were doing, and it's going to be something great one day, but it ain't the piece right now. It's, you know, a bunch of reasons taken up way too much time. It's the 8020. But it's like the opposite 80% of the work for 20% of the payoff. And that that did seem like a chess move, because it was like, Okay, now I'm making a little bit less than the business, but the time that I freed up is massive, and the relief, I feel is palpable. So, yeah, that's, that is a good reminder to just, again, get that perspective, do you do anything, practice wise in terms of like meditation, prayer, journaling, whatever, to just, like, maintain perspective in the long game?

Ryan King 38:24

Now, it's just how my mind works. I don't know any other way to be. And a lot of times, I wish I could turn it off, because I'm always thinking through if anything, the negative consequence of it for me is that I can't, my mind won't let me stop until I've played the whole thing out. And I see all the moves. And I've factored in all the potential, you know, cause and effects, you know, and I think that look, I think, I think playing through the cause and effect of things is a muscle, you just have to work, you know, and it's a mental exercise of like, okay, if I do this, and you know, I was in sales, for instance, when I was building my business, I was mainly a salesperson. So, you know, before I went in to do a presentation, you know, a good mental exercise to go through and do is like, when I save this thing, there's four or five potential things they're going to respond with. I need to be prepared for each of those five things. So number one, what answer what is the best possible answer to each of those five things? And then how do I remember that answer? And how do I deliver it in a way that's persuasive and with the right tone and natural and all this stuff? And so when I'm anytime I'm learning something new, I'm very checked out with my family because I'm almost manic about like, okay, these are the five things that might come up. If they say this, I need to say this. If they say this, I need to say this. If they say this, I need to say this. And so a lot of times it kind of gets in the way. It's not always a strength. There's times I wish I could turn it off. But that's just kind of, you know, I don't really spend much time worrying, because I'm usually so busy thinking about that stuff. I'm just thinking through what I'm going to do, like, here's probably what's going to happen. So how am I going to prepare for that? And how am I going to prepare for this? And how am I going to prepare for this, and by the time I've went through that exercise, I have complete confidence, that that confidence is a function, and a result of the fact of like, I'm prepared, I know that I'm prepared for whatever they're gonna throw at me. And I think a lot of people, and that's one of the things I try to tell people when they come work for me, or whatever, it's like, you know, Michael Jordan didn't wait until the game, to shoot free throws. You know, and we understand that and why stuff like that is important. When it comes to things like sports, or, you know, martial arts, or whatever we understand, like, you can't wait until the match, you can't wait until the game you can't wait until your life to start practicing. You got to prepare ahead of time. But we don't do often enough as, as men in particular, and and maybe women, too, is mental practice of like rehearsing. If you can, if you can't, if you have to have a difficult conversation. Are you willing to spend five hours practicing that conversation in your head before you have it? Or do you just go in like a bull in a china shop? Well, then you shouldn't be shocked that it didn't go? Well, that's no different than waiting till the game to shoot free throws, and then being shocked that you missed it. Yeah. Are you willing to put in the mental work of rehearsing how to how to have those, you know, a confrontational conversation with your wife, or, you know, before I have a hard conversation with my kids, you know, I'll spend however long it takes having that conversation in my head, before I talk to them, and that keeps me from blowing up and being reactive, and all those things. And I think that preparation and taking setting aside time, and so I don't really, I wouldn't say that I meditate or pray or whatever. I'm just kind of, I don't know where it came from, I just have this habit where it's like, I have this manic side of me, this is like, if I'm not prepared, I'm going to get prepared. And so it's easy to have confidence, if you know for sure you're ready. And I do a lot of work beforehand, to make sure I'm ready. For whatever, whether it's physical, or whether it's verbal, or whatever. You know, so,

Curt Storring 42:35

man, that's I'm relieved to hear of the madness, to be honest, because I do the same thing i'll check out. And like, just download whatever I need to download from this new thing that I'm learning. And I know every single time I'm worse with a family, and I just come to know it. So I'm, you know, putting guardrails around that now it's like, Okay, I gotta leave this at work, or whatever the particular thing is. So, you know, mildly validating to hear that, that's gone on your head, too. But I'm coming back as the you know, this is, it's so good to hear all this. And also almost frustrating, because I'm like, bro, like, okay, just like, tell me that you should just be perfect. And things will work out for you like, okay, great. But what I'm seeing as well is, you got all this, like inherent confidence, or whatever you want to call it. But I feel like, it's probably really important that you also have the humility to go along with that. And I wonder if that was something that was sort of naturally bestowed as well. Or if you do things that continually Humble yourself along the way, because I'm getting like a very grounded feeling from all of this, that is not too high, it's not too low, it's just you.

Ryan King 43:44

Well, I feel like, you know, it's easy to be humble, when you don't know where it came from. You know, I don't know how I got to be so many, there are things that I struggle with humility about, but they tend to be things that like, I've learned or earned or really tried hard at, whereas so many of the things we're talking about right now, it's like, I don't even know where that came from. So, to me, it's like a gift that I've been given, you know, from God, and not even and that everybody that's listening probably believes in God. But for me, it's like, I know, people on the outside are like, wow, look at look at that, that's whatever, you know, it's talent or it's like, dude, like, I was just born this way. Like, I can't really, it's like, being proud of being tall, you know, like, I'm six, four, but no walk around, like, look at how tall I am. It's like, I had nothing to do with it. Right? It's like, you know, it just happened. You know? And so, so many of these things, it's just like, it's hard for me to be, you know, arrogant about it. Because, you know, I know that I never read a book about it, or you know what I mean? Like, I didn't do anything to earn it, like it was just given to me. So it's hard to it almost makes me feel self conscious for other people to be, you know, to say flattering things about it, because it's like, Man, I didn't I didn't do anything to earn any of this, you know, right at And

Curt Storring 45:01

how are you because one of the things that I'm picking up on from just generally men these days in society is distraction. Like, I think distraction is one of the most, you know, the tools of evil that is getting in the way of what most men who most men want to be that the aspiration. So a lot of guys probably have ambition and aspiration, but it's just easily thrown by the wayside because it's like phone, or Netflix, or I'm tired after work or whatever, like, they don't work out, they don't spend time with their kids, they don't actually do the things to have those conversations in their heads to prepare for greatness. Because I think that is also an important thing, as you're preparing for the greatness along the way. Are you easily distracted? Or is that another thing is just like, I'm good. Um,

Ryan King 45:46

I can be, you know, one of the things you said earlier about, you know, you get manic, and you have to put guard rails up, you know, to keep from you know, because you're, every time you learn something new, you get manic, right. And so for me, I'm very, I'm almost ruthless about what I let in, because I do the same thing. So I kind of have this thing of, like, do I need to learn that or not? And if I don't need to learn it, then I'm like, Man, I'm good. You know, I'm, I don't can still don't, you know, I don't consume a lot of social media, you know, I don't read very many other people's posts, especially now that I'm writing. Because I find that it, it affects me. And it bleeds over into what I want to say, and it takes away from my voice. And so one of the things that I bought that I've said a lot, and I'm pretty sure I made this up, I read all the time, and I don't I don't really know where stuff comes from, but I'm pretty sure I made this up, it's like, you know, it's easy to think outside the box if you don't know what the box is. So I don't, I don't let a lot of other people's ideas and opinions come in, I don't read a lot of self help books. I don't, I don't listen to a lot of self help podcasts. Because that kind of defines a box for me. And then all of a sudden, it's like, well, if I'm not doing those things, I'm not doing it right. And I start doubting myself or as I kind of just define my own box, and just try to live that and I try to block out as much as possible to have those guardrails up because I feel like I'm probably even more prone than, than you are probably a lot of the people listening, like if I if I read a self help book, did I highlight everything on the page, like I'm like, everything is you know, and so it's almost kind of, like a coping mechanism for me to, to not let myself get exposed to things that will distract me, because I will get so manic and I'll latch on to it and want to understand it. So in depth, that I can't even function and apply it in real life, you know, and so I'm really strict about what I allow, what I allow in and how often I you know, more often than not, as far as my reading, you know, I'll read stuff like Lord of the Rings, you know, don't don't let a lot of stuff in. And I learned a lot of lessons from that stuff, just kind of by osmosis. More so than like, if I read a self help book, I feel like it's like, Oh, I gotta go do these five things today. And it puts a lot of pressure on me. And I feel like that's a big issue, you know, with people that are trying to get better is like an overabundance of inputs, you know, and it's like, Dude, you can't do everything at once like that, like, it's frickin impossible. And you're going to overwhelm yourself to the point, you're not going to do anything, like, just get better at one thing, man, like, just go get better at one thing, until you don't have to think about it anymore. And it's just automatic, and then pick the next thing. And only work on that until it's like driving, right? Like when we drive, I don't have to think about anything else, I just react, it just happens. And so until if you want to learn something, until you can do it without having to think don't add anything else because you can't multitask those things right? Like, don't do it until it's like driving where you can do it without thinking and that's just, it's your new operating system, and then picks and then pick the next thing. And over the course of a five year timeframe, you're gonna have a whole lot of things that you just do that there's as you and like, it's just your that's just who you are. But the only way that you're never going to make any progress towards that if you're just chasing your tail on you know, a dozen different things you're trying to get better at the same time. Yeah,

Curt Storring 49:29

my not least like yeah, like the thing that's coming up for me as you're talking about that as everyone wants to like studies for things nowadays. Like you go out into the into the woods and be like, this is a tree and most people would be like, what's your source, bro? How do you know that? It's like we've lost this ability to be objective about what's happening in reality. And along with that is like you don't need to like you say you don't need to read all these different things because you're not going to do them all at once anyway other than just make yourself feel bad, but actually It comes down in this work specifically like self improvement, if you will, to like doing it, go out and try it and then fail and get the feedback and then do it don't go and be like, Oh, I've got to have another like, you know, ceremony. I gotta go do Ayahuasca now I gotta go like meditate for 10 years, I've got to do all this kind of stuff. Like, figure it out, do it fail, come back, do it again. I'm just not seeing enough of that going on in the world. And

Ryan King 50:25

what you said about being a dad, you know, like, let your kid break his arm, right? Like, we're aware of that for kids. But are we doing that for ourselves? Like, are we willing to go and break your arm?

Curt Storring 50:38

Oh, yeah. So many of us are, like, still afraid of that failure? Yeah, still afraid to step out of that box.

Ryan King 50:43

One of the most freeing things like my, you know, there's been a couple people in my life that I've told him this, and it's just been like, their new motto for life, you know, is everything is fixable? You know, like, just chill. You know, like, everything's fixable. Like, there's very few things in life that you can't fix, you know, like, people. And I'm not saying this is ideal, but how many people have had affairs that their marriage ended up being stronger afterwards? Because they put the work in, you know, like, How many things have we all experienced, that we thought would be catastrophic? That ended up being the best thing that ever happened to us because of who we became, and what we learned during that process. You know, and so I think a lot of people just need to take the, take some of the pressure off, you know, like, dude, everything's fixable, it's going to be okay. Like, there's a handful of things that we could brainstorm about and say, Okay, what are the things that aren't fixable? Like, truly aren't fixable, right, like, getting addicted to meth? You know, that's, that's not fixable man, like, you have a really hard time getting over like a heroin addiction or whatever, you know, like, you know, like, there's definitely certain things like, you can't fix your reputation. Once you know, if you if you put if you put the wrong thing out into the world, on social media, like your life is ruined. Like we've seen that, right? There's no recovery from that. So be very careful. Be very, very careful about what you put in, you know, put in writing, it's going to be put out into the world. And when on the internet, right, like, so we could brainstorm you know, a list of probably eight to 10 things and there is no recovery from right. But outside of that very loose, very narrow things. Everything else, I think we need to like, I feel like it's like a bar of soap that we're holding on too tightly and it keeps slipping out of our hands. It's like, yeah, you gotta grab the soap. And you've got to exert a certain amount of pressure to, to wash yourself with it, right. But so many people are either afraid to pick it up, because they're afraid to drop it in or when they do pick it up. They squeeze it so tight, that it keeps slipping out, you know, and there's like, there's this, there's this just the right amount of pressure that you have to use to hold on to a bar of soap. And I feel like that's kind of a good metaphor for life. Like, yeah, you do have to try and you have to exert some force. But so often, it's like, people look like, dude, everything's fixable man, you can pick the bar. So back up, it's not, you know, it's not life or death. If you drop it, it's gonna be right there. Yeah, well,

Curt Storring 53:18

there's so many things that I can think of like, the most recent big one was, I was going to start this local services company is going to prove to myself that you know, I'm an internet entrepreneur, I can make money like that. But that's not real business, I'm gonna go do a real business. And it just like, was the worst decision I could have made. And as I knew I needed to stop that and cut my losses. I was like, Well, I'm like, I guess I'm going to be ruined now. That wasted all this money wasted, like, people are gonna know that I'm an idiot, because I told them, I was doing this. I gotta lay people off, I gotta tell the people that we're not going to do their jobs. Oh, my goodness. And I'm like, all my family and friends are gonna be like, How much money do you waste and you quit that you're a loser. And I just had that fear. And it was one of the hardest things I ever did calling up. Everyone be like, Okay, guys, we're done. And immediately afterwards, it was like, Oh, that was fine. Like, nothing's happened. Literally, nothing happened. And I look back now is that being one of the most freeing things I've ever did ever done, which is, you know, in my mind, that was my first real failure. I never really let myself fail until this point. And now I'm like, Oh, dude, everything good came from that. And so you know, the bar of soap rather than like disintegrating into mush, and never being able to put back together, it was just like, whoop, and I just picked it back out. And it's man, if more people just like, tried hard things, and did hard things more often, then I think we'd like develop the muscle to do that.

Ryan King 54:41

Oh, absolutely. As you're talking, I was thinking, you know, like, as a baseball player, you know, I was a pitcher. And so literally, I would throw 100 pitches a game. So you think about the amount of failure and success and it's just like, Oh, that was a bad pitch. I immediately I can't just go to the dugout and go hide like I'm ever buddy's watching him out on the mound by myself, I got to just make the next pitch, you know, and on a pitch by pitch basis, I feel a lot. But that's, you know, talking about the long term view, right? Like, if your confidence is tied to each pitch, you're gonna, you're gonna be all over the place, you know? And the more you can spread that, you know, how are you? How are you grading yourself, you're grading yourself, after every pitch, you're gonna be all over the place, you've got to grade yourself, at the end of the inning, at least, but ideally, spread it out to the end of the game. But even then you're going to have bad game, so spread it out over the course of a season. Because we evaluate major league baseball pitchers by their season, we don't evaluate them on a bad game, we definitely don't evaluate them on a bad ending. And we certainly don't even dream of evaluating them on every pitch. But people live their life as if each pitch is being judged. And your actions aren't being judged. Moment to moment, it's a life that is going to be judged, just like a pitcher season is going to be judged. You know, and the same thing in so for me, I went from pitching to being in sales, which is kind of the same thing. Like, I go up and people tell me no all the time. And it's like, Okay, I've got to, I've got to adapt, that didn't work, I got to try something else. Okay, that kind of worked a little better. I got to adapt and try something else. And I still get rejected all the time. And so I think it's been helpful for me that, um, you know, the main things I've done in my life, whether it was as a kid in sports, or as an adult in business, there's just this inherent, you know, feedback loop of, like, try this, see if it works, and it's so it's never really tied to like, I never take it personally, like, I never expected every pitch to be perfect. No, like, I knew going into it that that was impossible. But I think so many people that haven't played sports, or maybe haven't had that haven't had careers that require just this constant. You know, the nice thing about sports is that you get immediate feedback, the nice thing about sales is that you get immediate feedback. And so, you know, it's just as easy to get to, for me, I just have never known any different, like, I never expect every action to work, you know, I never explained I don't I look at myself over the course of a season, you know, I look at my business over the course of, you know, 10 years, you know, as far as myself, like, I'm trying to be a good man at the end of my life. And I don't expect that along the way, I'm not going to make bad pitches, I'm going to, I'm going to walk people I'm gonna give up homeruns I'm gonna do really stupid stuff, but there's always gonna, I'm gonna get another ball, and I'm gonna have to make another pitch, you got to just, I gave up homeruns, I gave up walk off home runs, like I had, you know, I had a lot of times where I failed, and, but I didn't have the option other than the umpire throws, you know, the ball, and you got to make the next pitch, you know. And I think, you know, I think that's just been a part of my life for so long that I don't really know any other way to be.

Curt Storring 58:11

Man, that was, I was gonna, I was gonna maybe go somewhere else after this. But that was such a solid, close, that I kind of want to just tell people to go to your Instagram, because you've posted I was going to ask a little bit about the health journey and like the struggles that led to that and how you got through that. But I think you've recently shared some stuff, maybe not too in depth, but you shared sort of a, I'll call it a flex post, but like a well deserved flex post that goes into some of that. So definitely check out Ryan on Instagram, and the posts are the links I should say will be all on the Dad.Work/Podcast notes page. Is there anything else that's coming up for you in terms of just being a good dad what you want other dads to know? Before we wrap up here?

Ryan King 58:53

I'm always would say kind of what I said earlier, like don't play the character of a dead don't play, you know, like, just be a human being in front of them. You know? And it's, it's it's similar to like, we've all had bosses, right? Like you've had, we've had the bosses that were like, Oh, I'm the boss. And how'd you feel about those guys? Are those ladies? You know? And then we've had the boss that was like a real person that every once in a while when he had to pull the authority card he did but more often than not he was just a dude you know? Like, who did you respect more? Who did you seek out more when you didn't know what to do? You know, who did you admire more? Who did you look up to more? I feel like as dads that's really important, you know is don't be like the boss that you didn't like, you know, be a human just first and foremost be a human being and live life honestly in front of them. And a lot of dads I think not worry that oh they might not respect To me, or they might not have the you know, they might not listen to me when I need to pull that card. But I would just challenge you like when it hopefully you've had both kinds of bosses. So you understand the metaphor, like, that's a lie, they will respect you, they'll respect you more if they're, if you're real in front of them. You know, they'll listen to you more, not more influence if you're a human being in front of them. And if you need to pull that card, I don't have to pull the authority card very often, because my kids don't want to disappoint me. You know, they're not afraid of me. They don't want to disappoint me. And that's what I have to be careful of, you know, it's because they want to be like me so much. You know, that it's like, Dude, it's okay. I wasn't like me when I was 11. I was like, you and I was the golden man. Like, don't put so much pressure on yourself. And it really broke my heart. Last night, he was making fun of me, because he knew we were going to be doing this podcast, and they'll walk through and they'll hear me. And they'll hear me. And then my youngest was like, Oh, are you talking about how to be a man? What it means to be a man and all this stuff? And I'm like, dude, hold on a second man. Like, you know, I'm doing this for you. Right? Like, I'm trying to make it so that the world doesn't hate you. And you're 35. And the world actually likes man. He was like, I know that. And escolar started kind of wrestling with him and giving you a tease and even ended up hugging him and telling him I love him. And he just like, it just flipped man. Like, I didn't know where he just goes. Dead. Am I on the right track to being a good man? And I was just like, well, wow. And I just put my head on the back of his head. And I said, so far, so good, buddy. Yeah. But man, it just really hit me. Like, as you can tell, he was really thinking about, like, you know, he's seen me talk about this. And so he has like, this awareness of like, what is it to be a good name, you know? And that just like, it went from, like this playful teasing thing that like, all of a sudden getting just like, not stabbed, but just like, kind of punched him punched in the chest. It's kind of like, man, yeah, these

Curt Storring 1:02:04

are the stakes we're playing with

Ryan King 1:02:06

man, for real dude, really, really hit me and I just talking about thinking about things like, Man, I just for probably an hour and a half after that, I just could not get that out of my head. I just sit in my library and just really just sit and tried to process that, you know, like, you know, that's deep.

Curt Storring 1:02:25

Yeah. Man, I love that you share that. Thank you. And I think we all got to do a better job of just talking about what it means to be a man. Like, that's what we're trying to do here. If we've got, if we got boys, we're trying to raise them up to be good men. And if we've got daughters, we're trying to raise them up so that they find good men, and as they become good women themselves. So I think it's it's, it's not becoming of fathers to just guide through and hope that things will turn out. Because things don't turn out like that. It takes intentionality like you're talking about in that dialogue. And I know that I am bringing up all sorts of things in terms of like, what is a good man? And what are we doing all this for it so that when you like you said, when you're a man, first of all, so the world doesn't hate you, that's I think we've got you know, that sort of thing together here, but so that you can operate and not even care if the world does hate you. So you can slay these dragons, because everyone else is gonna want to keep you down. What does that look like? Let's let's, I want to say toughen up, but let's become good men. So man, I love these really love just talking about this kind of stuff and hear from you. So thank you for giving me the time. And do you want to let the guys know if there anywhere else to find you, if you're doing anything in terms of offering support, or if it's just all on Instagram right now,

Ryan King 1:03:44

right now, it's all on Instagram, this is all kind of taken off a lot faster than I expected. So I don't really have like the infrastructure set up for a lot of things. But that's in the works. As far as like an email newsletter and some other sources, you know, some YouTube stuff. But yeah, for now, I'm gonna, I'm gonna have to hire that stuff out, because I don't have any extra capacity to produce anything else. So for now, it's just on Instagram at the wisdom of kings. And then I'm very active. And so a lot of, you know, I think a lot of people are very passive and when they consume Instagram, but like, if you go to my posts, you know, I reply to every comment. There's, there's some really in depth discussion in the comments of my stuff that you don't see a lot on Instagram, and I'm really active in the DMS and stuff too. And so for the men that do go check that out my page in particular, I try to be a lot more interactive than the general, you know, Instagram page is very kind of hands off. So

Curt Storring 1:04:43

yeah, yeah, there's definitely a lot of nuance there. Which is why I appreciate your stuff so much. It's because like, you're actually having the conversation. So if you aren't tired of the sound bites, I would say go give Ryan a follow because there's deeper stuff there. Alright, dude, thank you so much for taking the time to do this. I appreciate you.

Ryan King 1:04:59

Thanks for your time.

Curt Storring 1:05:06

Thank you for listening to the dad work podcast. That's it for this episode. But if you would like to stay in touch between weekly episodes, why don't you go over to Instagram and follow me there because I drop a number of things throughout the week that are related to what we talked about on this podcast but usually go a little bit deeper, provide some tips you can find me on Instagram at dad work.curt. That's DADWORK.CURT . And please, if you have been getting something out of this podcast if it has touched you if it has improved your marriage, your parenting your life, would you please leave a quick review on Apple or Spotify, leave a rating. If you have a few extra seconds, leave a quick review. That's the best way that we can get this work in the hands of more fathers. And I truly believe that we change the world, one father at a time because each father that parents better that loves better raises children who do the same. And in just a couple of generations. I feel like we could be living in a world much better than the one we live in today. Your review will help along that path. And I thank you so much for being here to listen until next week. We'll see you then.

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