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Welcome to this episode of Friday Reflections by Dad.Work!

Every Friday I share the best of what we have been doing in the Dad.Work community, to provide perspective, new ideas, and motivation for you to continue on your journey to becoming the best man, partner, and father you can be.

We go deep talking about:

  • The profound closing ceremony I had as I stepped down from my leadership role in my local men’s group
  • The importance of having other intentional men in your life, and why all fathers should seek this out
  • How to find the support of a men’s group for fathers
  • An invitation to join us to do this work inside our men’s groups or in our new online community, The Village

Mentioned on this episode:

Samurai Brotherhood

#14. How To Heal, Grow, and Navigate Intentional Change As A Father – Jason Henderson

Dad.Work Men’s Group for Dads

The Village by Dad.Work

Curt Storring 0:00

Welcome to the Dad.Work podcast. My name is Curt Storring, your host and the founder of Dad.Work. This is episode number 66. The profound support of men men's group and the village. Today is a Friday reflections episode where I talk about what's real in my life, things I've been thinking about, and just share what's what's going on in the world of dads intentionality. And just being a better man, partner, and father. So this week, I'm going to do something a little bit different. I'm going to share a personal story that happened on Monday, which is earlier this week, as I stepped down from my leadership role in an in person, men's group, I want to share this with you because there is something extremely profound about the way I was held and supported and loved in my closing ceremony with this group. I wonder if it will encourage you to find this type of support in your life. This is the type of support men's group I've talked about it plenty of times in this podcast that has changed my life, I was doing so much good work alone. But I kept coming up to this point where I would get and I would hit my head against the wall over and over. And I'd slide back down. I don't know what it was. It wasn't until I joined this group two and a half years ago, and started doing this work with other men before that actually a little bit before that starting to do these weekly, or these bi weekly meetings with my grandfather that I mentioned as well, like this all started coming to a head when I got the support of the last few years. And it's just profound, guys. So I hope you get something out of that. I'm also going to be going into two ways that you can get this type of support that I experienced. We have got two things coming up that I want to tell you about. I'm super excited about them because this is what I have seen to be impacting my life, but also the lives of the dads you're already working with. So I'd love for you listen to this episode. Hope you get something out of it. I would love to hear from you. If you have any questions, suggestions or otherwise, hit me up on Instagram DadWork.Curt, that's DADWORK.CURT. And let me know what's real for you. Anyway, let's jump into this episode. Without further ado, Episode 66 of the Dad.Work podcast. Here we go.

All right, dads, here we are another episode and today is a Friday reflections about what is going on in my life, but also what could be going on in your life as it relates to getting more support as a man, father, and partner. So I want to start with a story that's very personal to me that happened just this week. On Monday of this week, I stepped down from an in person men's group that I was co leading. This was part of an organization called the samurai brotherhood, I strongly recommend if you are looking for a men's group, it is a fantastic place to hone your skills to grow to develop friendships and brotherhood with other men. And it changed my life, I can never speak highly enough of the work that I did in there, and the community of men who are doing life changing work in the samurai brotherhood, so recommend them wholeheartedly. The reason for me stepping down from this leadership position was simply one of time for my family and also trusting in myself. So I had been in this men's group locally for two and a half years, I've been a leader of this men's group for about a year and a half. And as I get into serving more dads with Dad.Work, my time was becoming extremely limited. And my evenings were becoming so full that I was losing the time with my family, that was not something I was willing to do. And so I had to make a sacrifice. And for me, this was a massive sacrifice. And therefore I am extremely motivated to make excellent use of the time, because the amount of support and joy and growth I got as a part of this weekly men's group was astronomical. And so to lose that I'm losing so much. But I am also gaining a trust in myself a leadership role, so much more time that I'll free up to work on Dad.Work, but also to be with my family to make sure I'm living the values that I share, and that I help other men work through. But what I want to tell you about today is the closing ceremony we had and I won't get into too much detail to respect the container, obviously. But I'm going to share just at least my perspective of what went on. So when a man leaves, we like to have a closing ceremony. We like to honor the man for the time that he spent in this the impact he had on our lives and wish him well in whatever may come. And I was kind of worried about this to be honest, because it's hard for me sometimes to be seen to take up space to be praised. And I knew that of course it's a closing ceremony you guys are probably going to say nice things. It's just the way of it and so I was almost giving myself a little bit of a permission to to not put too much stock into what they were saying. Everyone always says nice things to closing ceremonies. So you know, they're probably just laying it on and I just don't want to feel too you know, big in my britches. I don't want to have too big of a head going into this. So it's a little bit worried because I don't do so well with praise even though I love it. And I would love more of it. To be honest it feels Hard for me to accept. And so here I am the meetings about to close. With about 15 minutes left, we began the ceremony, I was able to speak my piece, say my closing remarks, thank everyone and tell them why I was moving on. And then the men started to speak up and tell me what they thought of me. And the impact I'd made in their life. And the amount of support and love behind these words were so much more important than the words themselves. I knew that the words themselves were real, but I could feel the love and the support behind that in a way that I've almost never felt in my life. It was overwhelming to feel being held and seen by these men in a very authentic, honest way. That was not about trying to simply lift me up for my sake, because I was my last day, we might as well be nice. The impact that these men shared, that I had on them was mind blowing, I didn't realize that the way I showed up impacted men, changed men's life had such an impact in encouraging them and giving them confidence to live a life that was aligned with them, and to show them what it looked like to put in the work day in and day out. And again, I'm not going to go into the specifics, necessarily, but the feeling behind that that I am seeing,

I am enough, I'm more than enough. I'm honored, I'm loved, I am important. It makes people feel loved and supported the way that I show up to here that is profound. And I'm not sure if you've ever fully experienced that before. I don't think I had ever fully experienced that before, even though many of my friends are intentional, and offer me praise and and really affirm me for who I am. The amount of wonderful things that were said really overwhelmed and I just wanted to share this with you because the profoundness, the profundity of being supported by other men, is something that so few people get in today's world. And it is perhaps the most glorious thing I've ever experienced. I longed for other men to feel supported. Imagine, if you could feel so supported by other men who show up to men's group not for me, but to become better men themselves. And here they are sharing their truth about how I impacted them and holding me up and loving me. It was so intense, it was wonderful. And I want this experience for other men for other fathers. Keep in mind, this was the culmination of two and a half years in this particular men's group. So each week, brought me clarity. It acted as my North Star and challenged me to be my best because I knew that if I strayed from the man, I said, I wanted to be in men's group, I would be called out I'd be called up. And so every week if I had drifted from my Northstar values of who I wanted to be in how I wanted to show up, I would get checked again in men's group and I love this about men's group. I used it as a microcosm of my life, a dojo, to train the areas of my life in which I was growing. I think it was Jason Henderson who said on this podcast, that wounds are formed in relationship and therefore they must be healed in relationship. And I can hardly even explain the depth of self and personhood and humanity that I accessed simply because I was able to be around, share with hear from and be supported and challenged by these other amazing intentional men who are there again, solely to better themselves, the impact that it can have seeing an unintentional circle like this is remarkable. It was not so much that I shared certain things and just had these wonderful shares that everyone just oh yeah, they wanted to support me with not at all. I learned as much listening to these other men, and sharing their struggles and realizing that I'm not alone. I'm not so much different than everyone else. I can be supported, I can be loved, because I love these men too. And I am part of that. This is profound. Guys. We are missing this today. You may feel like a lone wolf, you may feel isolated. You may wonder if there's more or where you can go to train and literally any area of your life. That's important fatherhood, relationships, communication, where can you get feedback, be seen, be heard, supported and challenged, to be called out, but also called up to share stories and fears and wins that you've never shared elsewhere and to feel the healing relief that can come from speaking your truth, to truly feel like part of a team, a brotherhood. When a man joins his life can change. When a father joins his life, his wife's life, his children's lives, and likely his grand child's lives will change to my children have now seen me build friendships. I never saw my father have a single friend and his entire life. This was part of the reason why it's so hard for me to make friends. But now Mike children have seen what it looks like to build healthy male relationships and friendships. My kids learned to trust other men because I have them around. They have more role models than just me. They know that I take space for myself to become a better man and father because I tell them about men's group and I bring back the changes in myself to my family and my home. Guys, I don't do this often, but it literally changed my life inside That's your way that even though I sometimes loathe being seen, I feel compelled to share this. So come with us are not simply trying to pick up little gold nugget of wisdom in this episode from what I already shared. But we are impacting the lives of 1000s of men right now, many of them directly in our groups. And I'd like to tell you about the ways that you can get this type of life changing support in your life, this is not a sell, I'm simply going to let you know what we have going. And if your heart is ready for it, you'll know trust the call, trust your intuition. And if not, that's great, please keep listening to the podcast.

We have two programs that I'm very excited about. One is men's group, very similar to what I just explained, we have only a few spots left in our Wednesday group, we literally just yesterday filled up our Thursday group, we now have a waiting list. I can't hardly believe it. To be honest, this was something that we only started about a month ago. And it's blown my expectations out of the water, the quality of men, the conversations that are being had outside of men's group, the depth that we're going into inside men's group, I am just so proud of the men who have joined. And so if you are interested in a weekly group, where you can hone your skills where you can grow as a man, a partner, and a father, where you can get support, build community, relationships, friendships, check in throughout the week on our group chat. This is the most impactful high touch way of connecting with Dad.Work and other fathers who are into this type of work to better themselves that I know of. Like I said, we have only a few spots left in our Wednesday group. If we get a large enough waitlist, which we are on the way of doing, I may start another group in the evening, which I know is accessible for many men. So join the waitlist if you'd like I will make sure we have a call to make sure we're on the same page. This is just one of my favorite things to do. It is literally something that I recently changed my assumption which was going to be the model of Dad.Work. I changed it so I wouldn't lose out on doing this because I love it so much. It has changed my life. And it continues to change the lives of the men who are involved. And this is a way that I get to be involved and build my own relationships. This is just as much for me as it is for the men who joined. As this isn't the current show this is the current will come and show up for you. But you come in and tell me what kind of show you want. You bring the energy that you want, you show up how you want you ask for the support you want. And you let yourself be held by the man and the way that you want. If you'd like to join us, I would like to you to apply on dad.org/group That's just the website dad.org/group.

There's a form to fill out to join, we'll do a quick call in if there's spaces available. I'd love to welcome and invite you in. And if there's not I'd love to have you on the waitlist because as I said, there's a strong likelihood we'll at least try to make another group work. But if a weekly commitment is too much as I know it is for many busy fathers on April 1 2022. This is being recorded on March 3 to go out on March 4 2022. We're launching the village by Dad.Work. This is our new online training and brotherhood community where we will bring this work to countless men around the world and give you a 24/7 home to do inner work to get connections to heal to grow to develop as men partners and fathers. You'll find direction guidance training and support and mentorship of other men with regular group calls monthly q&a with me a monthly workshop hosted by experts and always accessible community forum that is not on Facebook, access to my course conscious fatherhood and more resources, worksheets and other ways to grow. You're going to have a place to do this work intentionally whenever and however you want. I like to think of it almost like a gym for fatherhood. Actually, you could choose free weights, cardio, a spin class stretching, whatever. And this just means you know, maybe this day you want to go hang out in the forum and ask questions, you want to take the course you want to attend a workshop you'd like to join a group call or look at some of the recordings or look at some of the worksheets for some self directed study. We'll be bringing in coaches to run sessions, you'll have a chance to join a member led men's group and develop deep close intimate connections with other men who are walking a similar path. Very similar to what I was talking about before the start of this episode. One of my favorite personal expenses I spend each month is the intentional communities I've joined for business, masterminds, life men's work community, and to know there's a safe space for going deep on each of these important aspects in my life has been instrumental in my growth and success. I feel like it gives you a certainty that the men who are going to be reading what you post, have put some skin in the game. They're there to support you. They're there to grow, you know that they're going to have your back because they want you to have theirs in return. These are some of my favorite things to do each and every month, just personally and so I'm really excited to see how this works and to help you along your journey to become a better man father and partner and to have you helped me grow this community because the the mood and the intent

banality will be you showing up, I would love to walk that path beside you this work, as I say, on this podcast so much has literally changed my life. I mean, literally from angry, scared, scary to my wife and kids hopeless, to truly a leader in my life and my family, calm, confident, content, and ready to embrace the world. And whatever it comes into my life, however it comes into my life. And so I will be extremely excited to welcome you into this village of other intentional men. Now, a usual coaching session, a single coaching session or a counseling session is usually $200 or more per session, it's about an hour, courses can run into the hundreds or even 1000s of dollars, I can't imagine, if I added up all the 1000s of dollars and 1000s of hours I've spent doing this kind of work, what the total sum would be, the workshops that the experts are putting on are insane value. And in April, you can join the village for $47 a month us I think that's accessible. Obviously for some it's not quite, but I would love to have you in here. And that's why this is even less expensive, less of an investment than our men's groups, which I already think are incredible value at their price. And so I want to welcome you into the village if it's right for you. And obviously, no worries. If it's not, it's not going to be right for a lot of men. It's only right for those men who are ready to take the next step. And if that's not you, that's fine. Thank you for listening to hear, I hope that you can continue to support you with the podcasts and the Instagram and the emails. But if you want to sign up, you can go to DAD.WORK/VILLAGE and enter your name and email to join the waitlist. We're going to open the doors probably the last week of March, because we're going to kick things off with a group call on April 1, we've already got our first workshop book for the next week in April, we'll be talking about raising emotionally intelligent children will have other workshops coming on initiation for dads and their children, working productively with anger, beating pornography addiction in boys and men conscious relationships and marriage and so much more guys. So I would love for you to sign up for the waitlist DAD.WORK/VILLAGE, if it feels right for you and just check it, see if it's right, see how it feels. See if you want to spend a little bit more time with me and the other men, the other father's doing this work. It's been so impactful that I'm just honestly I'm so grateful that I can I can offer this. And a little bit of vulnerability here I feel so strange, having an offering and asking people to join with a monetary contribution. Because I want every man in the world to have this. And yet, I know the impact, I could literally charge $1,000 a month, and some men would join because it is worth even more than that. And I don't say that as a marketing gimmick. I don't care if you don't want to join, that's fine. It's not right for everyone. But again, guys, this is me putting myself out there and being uncomfortable asking you to join and I know believe that or not, you know, most marketing gurus are asking you to buy stuff all the time, I find myself more like, I don't know, maybe this is pretentious in itself, but like a guide who's sort of like standing in the cave with a candle. And if you like the glow of my candle, and if you think that my experiences can help you in the men that I connect you with can help you, then that's great, please come join us. But if you don't like the look of the candle, then find someone else's candle. That's totally fine. I just wanted to end with that. Because it's very important to me that this is an authentic relationship between you and me. And just to give you an insight into how I'm feeling about this, because this is new. It's hard. It's different. I'm not sure what to expect, I'm not sure even what to do some days. And yet I show up continually because of this work. I was talking to a friend of mine. And man, we just connect on this work. We see it every weekend men's group how life changing it is the relief that men can feel as they heal wounds in the in the company of other men. Man I'm willing to, I'm willing to be seen as whatever you see me as to give you the chance to come along and do this work with me because I would have paid anything six to eight years ago to have a place to do this work. Because man I suffered for so long figuring it out on my own. Anyway, that's enough for me. Thank you for listening today, guys. I hope you got something out of this at the very least just knowing what it's like to be supported by other men and that is not unmanly that in fact, it is part of the masculine to be supported by other intentional men. So find that in your life whether it's with me or not. I can recommend a lot of good men's group a lot of good communities. You don't have to join with me. We've had guys on the podcast, like Larry Hagner and John Roman like these guys have other dad communities that if they feel more right, go join them or go deeper with your own friends. Ask them how they're feeling. Be vulnerable with them. Find a local group, find a church group, find something that works for you. But guys, stop doing it alone.

Join a group open up invite other men into your life. I promise you if they're intentional in the relationship is authentic. It can change your life. Let me know if you have any questions, check out the groups. We have a couple spots left on Wednesday morning Pacific dad.org/group. Or join us in the village launching April 1. That's about a month from now, join the waitlist a dad.org/village. You'll have first entry to that group when we send out the announcement launching in a few weeks. Our man, thanks for being here with me stick around for next week's podcast, we have got a couple of amazing ones coming out. Obviously, as usual, the guests we have are just incredible. And I'm so excited to bring them to you. So that's it for today. Have a great weekend. Make sure you spend some quality time with your kids, even if it's 510 15 minutes a day per kid and your partner. This will go so far. You don't have to be there all day at 20% attention be there for some of the day at 100% attention I guarantee you that makes all the difference. Don't forget to meditate don't forget to do some self care spend time with your kids. And we'll see you back here on Monday

that's it for this episode. Thank you so much for listening. It means the world to find out more about everything that we talked about in the episode today including Show Notes resources and links to subscribe leave review work with us go to dad.work/pod that's DAD.WORK/POD type that into your browser just like a normal URL, dad.work/pod to find everything there you need to become a better man, a better partner and a better father. Thanks again for listening and we'll see you next time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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