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Today’s guest is Tim Dyck.
We talk about:
- Bridging the gap as a leader between the workplace and the home,
- Creating clarity at home to create space to focus on your family,
- How to stay present with your kids,
- Starting a business to optimize for “get to do’s” instead of “have to do’s”,
- Choosing your parenting experience like you choose your job,
- Grieving a miscarriage, and
- How and why to apologize to your kids when you screw up.
Tim Dyck is a proud girl dad and the owner of Best Interview Coaching Services in Fort McMurray. Tim is committed to making sure people are fulfilled by what they do by helping job seekers and employers effectively use interviews to do so.
His efforts in this field were recognized as the recipient of the Bowie Sustainable Leadership Award during his time with Diversified Transportation. He also received the Council Commendation Wildfire Medal for assisting in the evacuation of Fort McMurray during the 2016 wildfire. Tim’s values were fundamentally shaped by his time working at Walt Disney World in Orlando where he learned how hiring people right can create an incredible workplace culture.
Find Tim online at:
Curt Storring 0:00
Welcome to the Dad.Work podcast. Today's guest is my friend Tim Dyck. We talk about bridging the gap as a leader between the workplace and the home, creating clarity at home to create space to focus on your family, how to stay present with your kids, starting a business to optimize get to dues instead of half to do is choosing your parenting experience like you choose your job grieving a miscarriage and how and why to apologize to your kids when you screw up. This is a fun conversation. I've known Tim for over 10 years now and it's just been a fantastic experience watching him grow into the man and the father he is today. Tim Dyck is a proud girl dad and the owner of best interview coaching services in Fort McMurray. Tim is committed to making sure people are fulfilled by what they do by helping job seekers and employers effectively use interviews to do so. His efforts in this field were recognized as a recipient of the Bowie sustainable Leadership Award during his time with diversified transportation. He also received the council commendation wildfire mental for assisting in the evacuation of Fort McMurray during the 2016. wildfire. Tim's values were fundamentally shaped by his time working at Walt Disney World in Orlando, where he learned how hiring people right can create an incredible workplace culture. Hope you enjoyed this episode and get a lot out of it. This is amazing just to hear Tim's perspective as a very calm and grounded father. And from that we will jump right in. Let's go.
Alright, welcome Tim Dyck to the Dad.Work podcast. I'm excited to have you on we've been friends for going on over 10 years now. Yeah, this is exciting space to have you as a dad of two. So could you tell us how old are your kids these days?
Tim Dyck 1:42
Yeah, well, first of all, thanks for having me. You know, it's it's exciting to kind of see you grow. Obviously, I've been I've been there with you since your very first was born. And it's been so cool to watch you grow and kind of see you branch out into this work to help other dads because it's, it's something that is there needs to be more of it. And more dads just need that support. So I'm very happy to see you doing this, and you're the perfect person to do it. My little girls got two little girls, one is two years and 10 months old. So she'll be three in September. And then I have another one that is just about to turn six months old. So a little bit behind you and experience.
Curt Storring 2:22
That sorry, you have so much experience as well with with your knees, which I think we'd like to talk about today. Because there's such a connection there that I've witnessed. But I wanted to maybe start off with your expertise, you're going through a professional transition right now. And when we chatted before the podcast, you mentioned that one of the things you have been thinking about is parenting as leadership. And so I just want to let you set the stage for what comes to mind when you were telling me about that. And then we'll dive into the specifics.
Tim Dyck 2:52
Yeah, for sure. So I one of the things is that I've really learned from somebody that really mentored my career. Over the years, it was actually a leader never directly mentored me. And he never realized it's an old leader from my time when I worked at Disney. And he's often said that the most important leadership job that you can ever have is parenting. And the other thing that he's often said is that when you are a leader in the business space that you should manage like a mother. And so when when I say that parenting is an important leadership job, the temptation for a lot of people might be to say, well, to start treating your kids, like boardroom colleagues, business people, what it really means is that you should be treating the people that you work with as a business leader, the same way you would treat your kids, it actually doesn't mean to bring necessarily some of all the business stuff home, it means to bring some of that home style to business, right? And that doesn't mean it means leading with a lot of empathy. It means leading, you know, I mean, you need to be firm, but obviously you don't need to be. I think the term I like to use is sort of kindness. Like you should be assertively kind when you need to be. But yeah, I mean, to me, obviously, parenting is the most important leadership job that you can have, because it's the one that's most likely to leave the biggest legacy.
Curt Storring 4:10
Yeah, absolutely. So So what does that look like for you as a leader at home? What are you mentioned empathy, which I think is huge. It's one of the things that is in the sort of core fundamentals of how I parent, but what else can you bring? either from the home into the business or the other way around? As a leader in the business? How can someone actually let's go there? How can someone who's a leader in business, flip that and become a leader in their home? What are the things that you have done?
Tim Dyck 4:39
Yeah, that's really good question. Because I think as much as I was saying, you know, before that, this is more about bringing the right leadership style, like leading like, managing like a mother is about bringing that type of leadership into the workplace, and the statement about leadership in the most important job or sorry, parenting The most important leadership job that you have is to make sure that you're actually acting like a leader at home as well. I think there's two different applications. So or I think that there's applications back and forth, right. So when I think about taking it from the home to the workplace when managing like a mother, what that means is, are you leading people in the workplace with the same empathy that you'd want to see your children lead with? Right. And I think that one of the things to to think about is that it isn't just about how you would want your children to be treated when you need to parent them. It's how would you want other people to treat your kids when you're not around? Because our standard is higher for other people than it is for ourselves, right. And it doesn't mean just being their friend, as you know, it means leading with empathy. So when I think about taking that approach from home into the workplace is are you doing the same with the people that you work with? Now, the things that you can bring from the workplace to home, are lots and lots of different things in a way that is actually going to be really helpful for your family. So the biggest thing that I think of is if you are managing properly, in the workplace, you're going to be thinking about hiring people, right? First, training them right? and treating them right. And so what are you doing from a training perspective in the home, right? You know, and in a way that just sets them up to succeed sets them up to to know and recognize things for themselves. You know, how are you planning for things in the home? Right? What's your financial plan? What's your emergency plan? Right, so one of the things that, you know, we now think of is having spent time in Fort McMurray during the wildfire. Okay, so what do we know, as a family to be prepared, right? Two nights ago, there was a tornado watch in our community, and I'm not, I was away, I'm out of town. And when I called my wife, and I said to her, I said, Oh, if there is a tornado, what are we doing? Well, we already knew which room the house that we're going to how to react, all that stuff. So it's all those different things about just like preparing, bringing that home? And I think it works both ways, right? I think that, that there are things that you can bring home from work that help, there are things that you can take, to work from home that are gonna make a huge impact on people. And the biggest and most overarching principle is being able to view people that you deal with, frankly, not just as people that you deal with that they're people, they're not objects, right? They matter to you. And those relationships matter. And if you focus on that, first, I think a lot of times, I don't think I know a lot of times that, well, there's a lot of gray area and how you feel about it, and you'll actually end up if that's your true north that you'll do just fine.
Curt Storring 7:50
Yeah, and one thing that came to mind as you're talking there is that you have very clearly delineated projects at work. And sometimes after work day, particularly for someone who identifies a lot with being a good worker or a manager, they come home, and it's a little bit aimless, they might not have a personal care routine, they might not exercise on schedule, they might not have a very clear parenting style. And so as a manager at work as a leader at work, how have you? Or have you I should ask, looked at things at home, in a project sort of way?
Tim Dyck 8:28
Oh, wow. There's a few different things. But you know what, I, I just kind of want to circle back a little bit. The first question is, I forgot, one of the best things that I've ever heard about this is that there are a lot of leaders, right, that will they know that at the workplace, they need to show up a certain way, right? They put in a lot of time, and they put in a lot of effort, right? into trying to be an effective leader in the workplace, being professional being kind. What have you right? Asking questions. I mean, there's there's a million different ways that people can show up right at the workplace that that might be considered effective or professional or what have you. But then when they get home, when it comes to leadership, their family gets the crumbs. Right. And probably the best advice I ever received about this was making sure that your family doesn't just get the crumbs. So that's another way that it depends on who you are right there. I mean, if you're somebody that puts in a lot of time and effort on showing up properly in the workplace, and being there for people and being present, and leading people with empathy, but then you come home and you give people the crumbs then right, what's left, right, because you think that well, workday is over, it's time to relax. And, yeah, you need to relax, like you can't work all the time. But you have to make sure that when you're doing that you're showing up to your family, right and you're being a good leader and you're doing the same things effort wise that you would do there. on a project perspective, let me think there's a few different things that have kind of come to mind. So, you know, home improvements, right? How do you think about those? How do you prioritize them? How do you because I mean, you probably know this on any given day, you can look around your house and find the million things that you perceive as wrong. And it'll drive you crazy to think about, you know, it all has to be fixed now, right? Like its annual annual never getting time with your family or your kids if you take that approach. But you know, when I think about projects, and and completing them in the workplace, it's a matter of identifying where your needs are, and saying, okay, so which ones are going to get the biggest impact for us? And how do we deal with them, and then you look at your budget and same type of thing, you can make a list of things that you need to want, or you want to do in the home. And you can just prioritize based on impact and cost and budget and all that stuff, and just have some more peace of mind by having a plan, right. Another really good principle that's helped my wife and I, when it comes to projects are kind of bringing some of that. That stuff from work back to home is kind of trying to create clarity around our finances. Right? So we know, every time or every month, kind of like what our budget is, and what we're doing with it, and what's left and, and all this stuff. And the benefit to that, is that the conversations that we can have, because that clarity is there or not always about money. And that can be pretty tiring if you always have talked about money, right? So we know what we're doing. We know who can do what, you know, I know how much I budgeted just for fun, or whatever. She knows the same and great, like, we don't have to talk about money every day, we can talk about how our days were how our kids where we don't have to stress out about it, we can we know where we stand, and we know what we can and can't do. And then we make a point of anytime that our financial situation might change, good or bad. We sit down and re we Okay, let's figure this out again, right? Where does this look? How do we know that we have that clarity all the time? And I don't have to be stressed out if she says Oh, or she doesn't have to be stressed out either. If I say oh, I went and bought this really stupid thing today like, right? Yeah. So. So yeah, I find that those types of things like those are two huge areas that have kind of made that have create a peace of mind around things that can be highly stressful for a lot of people.
Curt Storring 12:29
Right. And I think the the underlying principle that I'm getting from the things you've just said is that when you prioritize something as boring or as simple as budget or home improvements, it then allows you to have a more clear relationship with your family. Yeah, because when you're not thinking about, Oh, I got to do all these home improvements, and you know, you have a plan, then they're like you said, there's time spent with the kids. And when you don't have to have these conversations, because you know where your finances are, you can enjoy your wife, you can enjoy your kids. And so I'm sitting here thinking, like, you know, some of these things, guys are going to be going like, Well, yeah, but I just go home, and then like, I'll just deal with it later. And it's not that important to my parenting, which is sort of what we're talking about here. And I think it's extremely, extremely important to your parenting, to have that space to parent. Rather than having all the home things mush up into this like weird home life balance where you don't actually do anything intentionally. So have you found then that you're able to spend like really meaningful time with your kids and with your wives with your wife? Pardon me at home? And what does that look like for you?
Tim Dyck 13:40
100% I mean, you know, as you're mentioning a current one thing I'm thinking is that the best piece of of, I'm going to say best piece of advice a lot today, a really good other piece of advice that I've gotten is clarity is king, right? And so it's all about creating clarity. And a lot of people don't do the hard work on creating that clarity, because it's work, right. And what ends up happening as well is that sometimes when you create that clarity, then you get in your mind that you should never have to create clarity again. But really what it does is that you've got a base level of clarity. And so what's going to happen next is as you seek more clarity, you're going to keep seeking clarity at a higher level every time. And so it's just different questions that get asked and clarity that gets sought. And because making something clear once doesn't just end any need to make things clear. People say Well, what's the point? But the thing is, is that it's just like building your house right? As you lay each brick if you have a brick house, it begets noon to lay more bricks. And after you're done that it begets having to maintain it. And so if you just take the mindset well I'm not going to do any of that because it's just, it's just work well. You're gonna have nothing right. And so a lot of people don't do that at home and the other thing too is that talk about getting the crumbs of leadership, people just think I'm not at work right now. So I'm not going to use work, knowledge or work wisdom or work practices. And, and I think that, you know, if you build a foundation of clarity, then it's just gonna, you can build on top of that every single time. And I guess, to tie it back to the question, having that clarity allows you to be more fully in the moment with your family. Because you know, when those you already know, you're already clear on a lot of stuff that could be in your head or cause you grief or your mind could bring up on you. And you might have to say, Well, okay, that's great. I already know what's happening because we create a clarity on this. And it allows you to be more in the moment and more present, because you know, where you stand on these things. And then you also know when your opportunities are to make more clarity or to create more clarity. So you don't have to sit there stressing out about it. It's just I know that, you know, once a week, once a month, or whatever, I'm going to think more about this stuff and get more clear about even more things. So long story short, I think, yeah, it I know it helps you be way more in the moment with your family to have that clarity, for sure.
Curt Storring 16:12
Yeah, and it's so interesting that there's even a perceived difference in leadership in the in the workplace on the home. Because like this, there just seems to be the same thing, the way you're talking about it. leadership in the home, and leadership in business seems to be the same thing. You're bringing empathy and kindness, while also then bringing the other side of projects and management and getting things done to get clarity, so that you can be mindful and enjoy those moments. And another thing that I think is really important here is maybe if you haven't already, as a as a father, I find this is somewhat common if you're paying a little bit of attention, but it's a little bit easier to deal with people. Because you've had the experience I think Joe Rogan says this, you have the experience of knowing each person you come across was once a tiny little baby. And they're just, they're just a grown up baby now. And so if you know what that's like having a baby at home, it's suddenly if you can just go Oh, yeah, every single person comes out like this perfect without a worry in the world. Absolutely, you know, molded by the environment they're in, it can help with that empathy as well. And I like that you touched on that before.
Tim Dyck 17:21
Totally. Yeah, kid, kids are perfect until we screw them up, right? Yeah, I mean, that's a really blunt way of putting it but it's true. I mean, it's and it's not to say that we're awful screw up people, because we were once somebody's baby, right? Yeah, but it's just that self awareness helps with that.
Curt Storring 17:39
So you are now launching a new business and this might be sort of the last bit of the leadership part of the conversation before we get into sort of your story and parenting but to bring it back to parenting, how are you finding the management of making this decision and then moving forward with it because I know there are a ton of guys out there who are in a job and want to do something for themselves and either a feel like it's too selfish to take all the time to set up a business or be simply have no idea where to start so if you could maybe just tell us a little bit about the story that you're going through right now starting a new business and making the decision to leave your company where you've been for quite a while and maybe just like how all of that balances then with the family aspect?
Tim Dyck 18:29
Yeah, I mean, okay. Oh man, this is a big one. How do I I'm trying to think about where to start because there's a lot to say about it.
Curt Storring 18:40
Well, what was the impetus for wanting to start the business in the first place
Tim Dyck 18:43
a few a few things like so here's the here's a great gift that you can give to your family every day. And I'd like your input on this but you know, I think about when you when you work, right? There's two types of tasks that you do every day. There's the stuff that you get to do and there's stuff that you have to do right and when they get to dues come up it's like you don't like it doesn't feel like work and so yeah, I'll do that I have no issue with that that'd be great. I'd love to do that I that's you like to do it it's a get to do for you that have to dues are the things that when they come up you're just dreading it as soon as you see it on your agenda you're like Oh, great, like this is fantastic. I don't really want to do this. And so I mean the simple truth is this is that there's likely no situation that you can find where every single thing that you do is a get to do not at home not work anywhere. But can you create a situation where there's more get to dues and have to dues? If you can do that then that's the answer. So for me like professionally, I was just finding that you know, the roles that I was involved in and in the last year I've had two different roles at my company they just for me that began to feel more like have to do it doesn't mean it's a bad job but or have to do is for me or get to do for other people. Right. And so if I think about how I can show up for my family, if I have a career that is focused more and get to dues and have to dues, what a gift I can give them, right? Because my mindset when I'm at home isn't like it's, I just have more energy, right? When there's things that you like to do, you're receiving something from it. And you have so much more to give to people and in giving you receive. And so when you're energized like that, you can do the same for your family at home as well. So long story short, I realized that there was an opportunity for me to think about doing more get to dues and have to dues. And so I started thinking about what that would look like. And one of the things that personally I'm really passionate about is something that actually is really scary for a lot of people. And that's kind of interviewing, right, and recruiting and people selection. And it's scary for both sides of the table. It's scary, obviously, for the job seeker. Because, right, you want to get the job, you're nervous, you're stressed, your income is affected by it. There's so many different things that scare people about the job search, is your resume. Good. Am I applying the right way? am I showing up in the interview? And what a lot of people don't realize that it's equally scary for employers? Because it's like, oh, my reputation is on the line? So am I picking the right people? Because if I don't write, for people who care about it anyway, so. So I started a business where I coached people to get ready for interviews. And from there, it grew into saying, Well, if you're coaching people on how to get ready for interviews, then why aren't you helping businesses also recruit? Why aren't you helping businesses with
outplacement support. So that's like when when you have to part ways with somebody, a lot of business will hire somebody to help that person with their transition to help them with their job search to help them find a job, but there's more get to dues and have to dues. And so the business has grown from there. And it's called Best interview coaching services, because it started all around interviews, we're actually going to be going through a rebrand in the next couple months, because we're adding things like recruiting for businesses. So to sort of help you hire the right person. We're adding that Oh, placements where I was telling you about so if a company needs to part ways with somebody, I'll actually come there and help coach the leader on how to be effective in that meeting, and then also receive the effective person right away. So that way, they don't have to go home scared, I mean, they're going to anyway, but not as scared because there's somebody there and the transition starts now. Right? We're going to help you find a fulfilling career beginning now. So that's kind of where the business went. And that's where that's an area where I identified that I had a lot to give to people. I spent some time early in my career working for Disney. And I was really lucky to do that really fortunate. And probably the biggest takeaway from my time there is that if you use the tools of the interview and recruiting tools, well, you can really, truly create a culture where good, you know, like most of the people, they're just feeling fulfilled by what they do, it's a good place to be, people grow, and people thrive. And you can use these tools to help job seekers find that for themselves. And you can use it to find employers, or to help employers find the right people who are going to feel fulfilled by what their work is. So I started the business doing that. And what kind of was the biggest catalyst is that because of the economic reality, my company had to announce some salary rollbacks, about a year and a bit ago, and my wife, were trying, we wanted her to be able to stay at home with our girls and stuff like that. And so I started the business a little bit quicker than so that we can make some income to make that easier for her to do. And it's just kind of grown to the point where, you know, it's at a crossroads, right, it's either gonna get bigger, it's gonna stay the way it is. So I just thought, you know what, let's go and take a jump. And do those get to dues every day. And so, yeah, so in the next month, I'm going to be more in my business and then, and then a couple months after that, I'm gonna be completely in my business. So it's kind of, it's scary, but it's exciting. Like, I don't feel bad about it at all. Like it feels pretty, pretty exciting.
Curt Storring 24:21
Yeah, that's amazing. I love hearing stories like that. I've been doing it for, I think, a almost nine years now. And it's just, it's, yeah, it's just such an inspiring thing to hear other people doing it. If you're in that job that you don't like, and you know what, this was absolutely not going to be like this long plug or anything like that. But this is actually a perfect opportunity for anybody looking for those get to dues to reach out. So we'll get your, your website at the end of the interview here. So people can can find that because yeah, like it's such a gift to give to your family to come home, both energized and to be able to set that schedule a little Bit more than you can with an employer.
Tim Dyck 25:03
Do you want to hear something crazy? Absolutely over 80% of people right now are like their days are dominated by half to dues and get to dues. 80% of people do not feel fulfilled by the work that they do. And it's because there's a few reasons for it. Some of its generational, right? I mean, some of it's just, well, you have a job, you're happy, the job be happy, you have a job, right? Because the baby boomer generation just coming out of the war, it was like that there's a lot of scarcity. But for a lot of people, it's because we, we lie to ourselves a little bit and tell ourselves well, it's called work for a reason, it was never supposed to be fun. And I'm not saying that if you're in the right job, it's as sunshine and rainbows and lollipops and fun all day long, there's still a lot of hard work that you have to do to get good at it. But it just doesn't have to be like that, either, you know, that can be fulfilling for you. So it's scary. And recently coming out of a pandemic, over 40% of the workplace right now is thinking about resigning their jobs. And what I think and there's been tons of workplace surveys done on this in North America, somewhere between 40 and 50%. And we'll see how many people actually do this. A lot of times people get ideas about that, and they don't follow through. But for whatever, there's many good reasons for that. But my point is this is that I think that this generation, this group of people is beginning to wake up to that and saying, but it doesn't have to feel like this. I don't have to be in a job that doesn't bring me fulfillment, just because it's a job. And I think it'll be interesting in five years time to see if that number is still over 80% of people who don't really. Yeah, and if they use this as an opportunity.
Curt Storring 26:45
Yeah, yeah, I've been thinking this myself is that the future in our generation and younger, they're not going to have jobs, they're all going to be freelancers of some sort, they're gonna find something they love to do that they can do anywhere. And then they'll just, you know, they'll have a bunch of different employers, and like a freelance role, or they start their own businesses. And that's actually I mean, that can change your life as a parent, if you donate 80% of your week, or whatever it is that you spend thinking about work involved in work. But what came to mind as well is that this is kind of like parenting to, like, a lot of people out there just go like, you know, it's so hard, the kids or whatever, and they complain. And it's like, well, it's just parenting. But it's not like there's a very intentional way that you can pair that you can be a father that recognizes where it sucks, much like you would in a job, which is like, Okay, what are the things that I love to do the things that I get to do, what are the things I have to do, and separating those out and then optimizing for the get to dues, even within your own family can be a game changer, because there's not one set way. And if you're not happy as a parent, then the work starts with you. And there is work to be done. So that kind of segues me into like, what did your last five years look like? Because when we saw each other last, I think it was before you had your first child. And I had to see you interacting with a niece, who was very close to you. And I feel like there must have been some sort of transformation to go from five years ago, Tim to father leader, business owner, Tim, so could you just walk through like some of the biggest inflections that you have both either learned or seen coming into fatherhood?
Tim Dyck 28:27
Yeah, yeah, you're right. So first of all, it's been Yeah, for years. So October 2017. I met you at go karts and mini golf craft or mini golf course, which, indeed, I think that you are the adult in that situation. But anyway, we're not. We're not here to unpack that. But yeah, I mean, the man, what a question. How do I Where do I even start? I mean, it's great question. Yeah, when I saw you last, my wife and I were what we're trying right to have a little one. had a little bit of while we hit a hiccup that summer. Just before I came to see you we had a miscarriage, unfortunately, but but you learn right, you learn a lot from that, as far as emotions and stuff like that. And just trying to think about about where to start, but I mean, you're right. So I have a niece that is going to be she's 20. And I lived with her for six years. Yeah. 20 right. Now, when did that happen? Because you haven't seen her since probably 2012. So she would have been 11 at the time. But I was really lucky because I was going to university at the time, and I lived with her for about six years was doing that and got to have a front row seat to that and build a really special relationship with her and, and yeah, I think I could. It just happened by being present, right? I mean, I know it's super cliche, and it's almost like too easy of an answer, but it's just, you know, it's just what can we do together? Right? What can we go do together and it was simple stuff like hockey games, going out for dinners. You know, basically any time the people that were in charge of her care would let me do things with her, I would, I prioritized it. And I learned a few things from that experience. The first is that if, if you prioritize, being able to have those experiences as much as you can, when you can, then I think that one of the things will happen is that you'll have a deep amount of trusted influence without having to like pull your hair out and just like scream and yell, and no, it's just there's influence because you're just close, right? And so the things that you do naturally, the good things that you do will rub off and then just by virtue of leading by example, and just being around you, because I don't remember any time, I mean, granted, that wasn't her parent, but I don't remember any time having to just like go crazy to tell her anything, or getting even getting angry, frankly, never. I was just, we just did stuff. That I think that was one of the takeaways there. The other takeaway was that I'm really, really glad that I had a chance to be close with her like that as her uncle during those years. Because we talked about the transition from being you know, a highly involved uncle, probably more than your typical uncle, going into being a dad, one of the things that really helped me with when I became a dad as a simple understanding, and this is a really helpful little thing that helps me stay in the moment when it can be tough is that I immediately understood as soon as our daughter was born, that today is going to be the only day that is just like today. And what I mean by that is that your kids learn something new every day, they're never the same person twice. I mean, yeah, they're always the same person with specific traits. But it's just if, if I guess it's just appreciation for the fact that it and it's a super cliche, but it's a cliche for reason is that if you blink, you're going to miss it. And today is the only day that'll be just like today. And, you know, there might be times when your kids have big emotions. But I guarantee you that five years from now, you'll look back on that. And you'll be like, Oh, yeah, I remember when that happened. And, and there are things that you're going to miss about those days. So I can remember there are times when you might think, Oh, I can't wait until they're a little bit more independent. And it's like, yeah, you can, you can wait, just, it's like to see how quickly my niece grew up in 20 years, and I never remember even feeling this way with her ever thinking, I just wish that this was different or being flustered or frustrated, I was just happy to be around her. But seeing how quickly that happened, and thinking about, you know, all those things that have happened in those 20 years, and how quickly it's gone. That Today's the only day that's gonna be like today, and it's gonna happen so fast, so fast, so it's easy to be frustrated. But remembering that really helps you to stay in the moment really helps you focus on what's important when those kids need you to show up.
Curt Storring 33:04
Yeah, absolutely. I love that, because it's very tactical. And it's very like, you can do it in the moment. Because we do things to sort of bolster our nervous system, those of us who need it, things like meditation, and journaling and stuff like that. But to have something intellectual To start with, which is like, yeah, you're never going to get this today. And I tell my kids every day before school, say like, today's the only day that you get today. So like, you might as well make it good, right? And there's always that understanding that you could with presence in the moment almost stretch each moment. I've heard it say to infinity, it could be eternal in each moment, if you're paying enough attention and that if you can't really feel that, but you can get close. It's monumental to just sit in that moment with your kids. And I feel that a lot with my youngest right now.
Tim Dyck 33:57
Oh, I'm sure you do. Cuz you've So hey, talk about kind of a similar trajectory, right? Because like, let me think George, your oldest would be nine.
Curt Storring 34:06
No, just just about nine, eight and a half. Yeah, yeah. So
Tim Dyck 34:09
I mean, now you have your youngest, that's a year and a half old. So you know, your your understanding of time and how quickly it goes, I bet you're as hyper aware again, and more so than I probably wasn't George's born. And I think that I think that you can totally be hyper aware when you're first comes about that. But, you know, like, even if you're already at level 10, but the thing is that simply by going through an experience once every time it's going to ratchet up even more, right? So you might have people that understand that at a level of a five or whatever, and it's going to ratchet up for them, but it doesn't matter. I guess what I'm trying to say is it doesn't matter how or when you do it is that that awareness always gets heightened as you have more time with as being a dad, right?
Curt Storring 34:53
Yeah, absolutely. That's one of those, those hard things to take in is that you know, as you get the Your interview becomes so much better and you go like, why did I do that? Why did I waste my time and there's this conversation you sometimes have with yourself around things you ought to have done. And just to drop a reminder here that no matter what date is, much like you said, You've never done this before. I have never had, you know, a eight and a half year old, and however many days he is, and a six year old and a one year old, and I've never been myself today. And so cut yourself some slack. Continue to try and try again. So,
Tim Dyck 35:31
yeah, sorry. Go ahead. No, I was gonna say, I mean, remember the scene in The Lion King, where he's like dwelling on the past? Or if he hits him in the head with a stick and tells him to stop? Yeah, I do. Yeah, you don't learn anything from the past when you let yourself feel bad about it? Like, for instance, if you go golfing, right, then you walk up to the ball, and you shank it.
Curt Storring 35:54
And common with me, I hear.
Tim Dyck 35:57
I was gonna say the same the other way. But I, yeah, but you because yeah, I'm not good. But if you walk up to that ball, again, just thinking about how you're not going to shank it again, what's going to happen? I think I think you too, has a song about it, you get stuck in a moment that you can't get out of, right. So it's funny how people always go back to the past, and they dwell on it. It's human, it's what it is, nobody should feel bad for doing this. We all do it. But what I think about that, and I always do this is that when I've ever had people that work with me that do that, I actually would make them come to my office and watch that scene from The Lion King, because you learn nothing from it, by beating yourself up about it, like, you hit yourself in the head of the stick, the past can hurt and move on, right? And you can learn from it, or you can dwell on it. And if you dwell on it, you're not going to move on from it. So I don't know, I'm sorry, I interrupted you. I just wanted to encourage people that feel that way. The other thing that somebody once said that really helps that is do your best and forgive yourself.
Curt Storring 37:04
Yeah, yeah, these are very, almost simple reminders. And speaking as someone who can get stuck in those negative feedback loops, sometimes you do need to be hit in the head, and realize that you're still in this present, present moment, and just get back in your body. Take a breath, whack yourself with a Reiki stick whenever you need to do to come back and continue to move forward. And it's so hard because in some cases, we need to process we need to heal, we need to go there. And there's a risk of staying there, like you just said, and I just love the focus on present moment awareness over and over and over again, whatever that it looks like whether you need to watch, maybe you've got it in your your bookmarks bar, the FAQ YouTube video, or maybe you just you know, say that thing that you suggested earlier, which is, you're never going to get another day like today. Just have those easy reminders to keep you in the moment. I think that's super important.
Tim Dyck 37:59
I'll send you a YouTube link for your show notes if you want.
Curt Storring 38:03
Oh, perfect. Yes, thank you. Yeah, you can check the show notes at dad dot work slash podcast and watch the Rafiki video to get you out of any negative funks here and thank you, Tim. So So a couple things coming up for me is that one, I'd love to know more about sort of the transformation, you share a little bit about that. And I think it's super helpful to have that 30,000 foot view, particularly with your knees. But the other thing is, I'm wondering your comfort level of talking about that experience with miscarriage because that is very dramatic, I imagine. And I know it's not as rare as some people think. So are you comfortable talking through sort of how that felt to you and how you move forward and got yourself into the present day to to keep going?
Tim Dyck 38:50
Yeah, absolutely. I mean. So first of all, for anybody who goes through that.
One of the things that a lot of people do when that happens is they think whenever I have a kid, I did something wrong. My body is not working right? And something wrong with me. All of these things come to your mind. And I can't remember what they told us what it happened. But the first thing they told us was the statistics, right? And none of us should ever feel like we're just a statistic. And it's not to say that. But I guess what I'm trying to say is that this experience is so incredibly common. so incredibly common. I know lots of people it's happened to and and so for anybody who's going through that the most important thing to remember First of all, is that this is not the end. It is not the end like this is not how the story will end if and and I get it like I were very lucky in that we were people that were able to have kids and there are people out there who this happens to and it's part of the fact that they can't have kids as easily so I mean, my heart goes out to people who are who are going through that. But even for For them, it's not the end, right? It's Yeah, I mean, I just I don't know, I just the biggest thing is that it's a tough thing for people to go through because you start to doubt yourself, and what you can and can't do. And for anybody who's going through that, they just need to know that it's not necessarily an indictment on how this is gonna end no matter how easy or difficult these things may be for you. Yeah, I mean, the biggest thing I remember is going to hospital and being up for about 36 hours straight. And I mean, whatever happened there, for me, it was not nearly as tough as it was for my wife, obviously. But I remember the, you know, just a month before, just the joy that we felt. Because a month before it happened, we were at maybe two or three weeks before it happened. We're at Wrigley Field and in Chicago on vacation. And so the people we're with had figured out that, you know, cuz we hadn't, we hadn't told anybody yet, because you know how those first three months can be the month where that happens. And that's what happened. And so when people put things that people were being to figure it out, and so it was bringing us more joy to think about that we were going to become parents and all this stuff. And then we found out that we wouldn't be today. And so I took a couple days off. I remember my boss's response was not really ideal. And so I just ignored him and turned off my phone. And we're just we just spent some time together and worked our way through it. I mean, there is, I can't look at you, Kurt and say there is some sort of secret magic recipe as to what we did, or how we dealt with it. We were just there. Was there. You know, just there. Yeah, we're just, we just spent time together and just, you know, had time to think about, Alright, we're gonna do this again. And sure enough, it didn't take very long, didn't take by the end of that year. So about five months later, we knew that our oldest was going to be on the way so. But yeah, I mean, it's not easy. But I think i think i think that it's a situation where that that saying that today's the only day it's gonna be like, today applies again. And we did our best, and we forgive ourselves. And yeah, I just, I don't know how else to put it. But that was the biggest thing. That was the biggest thing to remember. Yeah,
Curt Storring 42:22
I love the flow of that we did our best and we forgive herself. So I just want to touch on one thing in there has spending a couple of days, what sounds like grieving, basically, which is such a necessary part of this. I can only imagine and, you know, it's it's the way that many men are brought up to not have those feelings and to bottle them down. And so even to hear that you took a couple days to spend time together to just to be is such an important lesson, I think in this whole story, to take the time to grieve and be in it so that you can work through it. But I just I want to honor you for actually taking that time. So thank you for sharing.
Tim Dyck 43:04
Hey, thanks to it. But you're right. I mean, people owe it to themselves and their families to do that. So.
Curt Storring 43:10
Alright, so so I want to maybe ask one more question around your parenting, which I really enjoyed talking to you about a couple months ago. And it was the idea of apologizing. Oh, yeah, when you screw up. And I think this is such an important lesson. And I do this too. And I've heard some of the parents that I admire most do this. And it's not done very often. So could you just walk us through? What apologizing to your daughter looks like? And why you doing?
Tim Dyck 43:37
Okay, for sure. Yeah, so here's an okay, so talk about a principle that applies to work at home, and boils down to this principle is to weigh accountability. So if I were to go into the workplace and ask people who believes in being accountable to one another, and frankly, most homes, most relationships, everybody's gonna put their hand up. Right? Oh, of course, we got to be accountable to each other, every leader is going to put their hand up. But what most of them don't realize that they're doing subconsciously, is that, especially from the realm of leadership and management, they're putting their hand up because they think that that reinforces the fact that people are accountable to them. But if you want people to be accountable to you, as a leader, or even as a peer, and now bearing in mind, I also don't really think that the term leader should be confined to positions on an org chart, I think everybody in the organization must be a strong leader. But as as somebody, boss, which is a word I don't like, but for lack of better term, it's a common word. If you want people to be accountable to you, you need to be accountable to them just as much as you expect them to be accountable to you. Why it's because it's leading by example, you're exhibiting the behaviors that you want people to exhibit to you. So if I made a mistake, I would apologize to somebody for it. So, here's a work example, if, if we had a conversation that I didn't think that we were actually getting anywhere on, I would probably go back to my office. Now I would never be I never, I've never really had any giant desktops with people, it just doesn't really, this doesn't happen. But sometimes you can tell it, you can feel like there's just, they're saying one thing, and I'm comprehending something else. And so there's kind of like some unspoken tension, despite the kindness and politeness and courtesy of the conversation. And so sometimes you just you do your best, and you get back to your office and you realize, wait a second, I could have showed up a little bit better in that conversation. And maybe that's why we didn't get what we needed. Or maybe we couldn't, we didn't reach a final understanding, go back to them and say, You know what, I'm really sorry about that. You know, we didn't, I don't think I brought myself to the conversation properly. And I would like to try again, if that's okay with you. People really respect that. And or even just, like, take away the personal stuff, but an actual like mistake and a task, right? Somebody requests maybe some time off a vacation, what have you. And, you know, generally my standard is that I try to get you an answer within a few days, I don't think that people should be forced to wait weeks for things like that are, but what if something happens, maybe you're out of town, maybe you're you forget, you're disorganized that day. Because no matter how organized you are, you'll have a day where you're just not as organized as others. And going up to that person and just saying, you know, I'm sorry about that, that's not my standard, and I'm going to look for you right away. By being able to do that, when things go wrong, they're going to let you know, as well, before you find out before you find out the long way and the hard way. Like I like one team that I was, I was supporting as a manager for five years. By the I mean, I didn't take very long for them to see that when I had that. It was like I was like, my office became like a confessional booth. Right? Like, I could just, I guess just like, I'd be like, Oh, man, like, you're all such great Catholics just like confessing everything, right. But it's true. Like they would they felt comfortable being accountable to me about mistakes they made. And because because they had done that I didn't have to sit there and fish and just like, and because they knew that I was going to give them room to make those mistakes, so long as they were willing to, you know, learn from them and admit them meant that they made less of them. Right. And so it really, really helped. So yeah, so when I think about how it goes at home, right so I think when you and I taught that situation, we I had a nightmare, my oldest daughter, sometimes she doesn't sleep very well, like she'll like be up for three or four hours at night. And most nights when that happens, you know what I am just so happy to spend time with her that I don't really care about how tired I am the next day. Just doesn't matter to me, like it's just because a lot of fun things happen. She says funny things, he's only gonna say it when she's this age. And it's a fun situation to be around. But on this particular night, I just felt so overwhelmed. Because I hadn't yet made the decision to go full time into my business. So I mean, so you're just thinking about all the things you have to juggle and throughout this particular transition, you know, one of the things that has been sacrosanct for lack of better term is the time I spend with my girls everyday like it's, that's not negotiable. I don't care how busy things are, it's non negotiable, this time is theirs and it will be there as every day.
So despite all that, you're still thinking about, she's not sleeping, I have a lot to do my day job, I have a lot to do at my night job. And you're just like I just need you to sleep. But at the same time you're having a hard time not being happy because she's just so funny. And what happened was is that I never let her see my frustration I've always been really like even inwardly if I'm just like come on I'm just kind of like I'm listening to her and I'm agreeing with her or talking to her but letting her know but it's time to sleep now. And so I've often said that you should never show your frustration to the people that that are like like the people that you see on the front line stuff like that same thing in a customer service role if you need to like rant about like a customer or something like that then go to the back and rant or write it in a book or whatever. So I needed to get her some milk and so I remember just being so tired. That was I was putting her the milk I just was out of energy to do anything properly. So I poured it and they opened the fridge I just threw the milk carton in the fridge and just like shut the door and I went back and it was probably like the most frustrating have ever been and yet I wasn't like Rayji is like I'm just throwing this milk in there. I'm just tired. Like I just had enough. And the next morning after I woke up I just I told her I said hey, you know what dad was a little frustrated last night and I'm really sorry about that. And to some people would be like but she's not even three like she doesn't even know what you Hold her. But I said, you know, if I want her to have a standard of behavior that she'll be as imperfect as I am, you know, I need to be accountable to her for that standard of behavior to leading by example, if I want her to have that self awareness, I need to have the same self awareness. It's just, it's not negotiable, if you want that result. Yeah, that's amazing.
Curt Storring 50:25
I love that you shared that. I was super excited to realize where you were on your fatherhood journey. When you did share that with me, it's like, oh, yes, he's one of one of us. I hope so. Yeah. So I know we're coming up on time here. Is there any one maybe parting tip philosophy, insight that you've had as a father that we haven't got to that you think is important to share?
Tim Dyck 50:47
I would just, I wouldn't want to muddy the waters with too many different things to think of. And I just think that, you know, the most important things that you can remember is that it's the most important leadership job that you can have. Period, you want to make sure that your family doesn't get the crumbs. And you know why just forgive yourself when it's not your best, then a minute, because it'll happen a lot less and you have a lot more peace of mind.
Curt Storring 51:11
Yeah, amazing. Yeah. Excellent. And very succinct.
Tim Dyck 51:15
Yeah. How about yours?
Curt Storring 51:18
put me on the spot. Oh, man, this isn't fair. You know what my mine fall into my recently developed fundamentals of conscious fatherhood, which is a 13 point list that I have sort of broken down into, into a way that I have been finding useful that I'm going to share, but I think it really comes down to doing the work on yourself. I mean, the the podcast, and the business is called dad work, because it's men work men's work. for dads. That means healing your wounds, that means being accountable to people, that means apologizing, that means finding a group of men, like you just said, when you're frustrated that you can rant too, because a lot of guys only have their wives. And they just like you said they muddy that water as well, when they could go out and be doing the work with other men in a men's group. So yeah, it for me, it comes down to to become a better parent, you have to become a better man. And that means sorting your own shit out. So that I guess is is number one, which which the whole this whole project is based around. So where can people find you to learn more? I know that the interviewing business and the placement business might be actually very useful to a lot of people. So where can people find you? Yeah, for
Tim Dyck 52:33
sure. So my thanks for asking By the way, and the website is best interview.ca we are like I am undergoing a rebrand with a business and as that happens are likely to be a new name and website for it. But we're going to keep that domain to make sure that anybody goes to best interview.ca can find us. Nice, so that's the easiest way.
Curt Storring 52:55
Beautiful. Okay, Tim, thank you so much for sharing your time and your insights with us. It's been a joy.
Tim Dyck 53:00
Yeah, thanks. I had a lot of fun really appreciate the chance.
Curt Storring 53:04
All right, we'll see you on the flip side. That's it for this episode. Thank you so much for listening. It means the world to find out more about everything that we talked about in the episode today, including show notes resources and links to subscribe leave a review work with us go to dad dot work slash pod. That's da d dot w o rk slash pod. type that into your browser just like a normal URL, Dad dot work slash pod. To find everything there you need to become a better man, a better partner and a better father. Thanks again for listening and we'll see you next time.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
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